[sweepy62]

Next week is my first transition week with my t and the new t, since my t wants me to introduce myself and partake of the session as well, although she will be doing some talking as well, this what, I will be requesting or saying.

Please feel free to critque or help me reword.

1. You cannot fill my therapists shoes.

2. Dont expect me to accept you with open arms.

3. Dont try and make silly jokes with me to break the ice.

4. Dont offer me any tissues.

5. Dont use any csa words that I dont like (I will let her know).

6.Dont expect me to believe you when you say you are not leaving.

7. Dont expect me to become attached and wear my emotions on my sleeve.

[Auntie2014]

It might be a good idea to use "I have trouble with" or "I am afraid you will... and this bothers me because...." statements rather than "Don't" statements.

[unlockingsanity]

I agree. These sound like angry statements. You might want to reword.

Sweepy, can I ask you how old you are?

[rainbow8]

I think your list is very honest and useful, but do you think you can also make a list of things that you DO want your T to do?

[Mactastic]

I love the advice so far. I think your list (while entirely valid) comes off as angry. Maybe your therapist would be better able to accommodate your needs if she knew how you would like to be treated?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

[shezbut]

I think that your new T isn't expecting to be received with wide open arms immediately, so these 2 may be unnecessary to refer to:

1. You cannot fill my therapists shoes.

2. Dont expect me to accept you with open arms.

With #3, I would like to gently remind you that different T's have different demeanor. Some are real bubbly, others are more solemn. I think that most take their cues from the person that they're working with. If these types of behaviors offend you, and make you feel really tense, maybe you should sum it up that way. Saying:

"I really don't do well when people make jokes. Please try to remember that in the future."

#4 is good the way that it is, I think.

#5 ~ I agree with the others that this should be changed from Don't do this...to:

"I really have a difficult time with the list of words that I've given you. Please don't ever use that terminology with me. Use these words instead." Hopefully, you have some words that you are okay with, that have same/similar meanings.??

Numbers 7 & 8 should also be made about yourself.

"I have a hard time trusting another to feel safe enough to open up. Please be patient with me. I am not easy to read, wearing my emotions for everyone to see."

I think that covers it all. That's what I recommend...jmo.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I think the fact you're making a list is awesome! But I also agree with the others.

You list is restrictive. I TOTALLY get why. But I think the new T knows that she will never replace your current T. I think she will understand the anger, the hurt, the confusion, etc. I think she's prepared to take an "emotional beating" from you But remember, it's not the new T's fault that this is happening. Your T believes this new T will be good for you. Try to trust your current T's decision. You do have a right to all your feelings...you have a right to express these feelings to both T's. But the new T is kind of an innocent bystander.

Maybe instead of being so restrictive, reverse it. Tell the new T what you expect for her to do/say. Example: You listed that you don't like silly jokes. Okay, that's fair. But explain it. Say something like: "I prefer if we stick to serious conversations for the time being. I do not feel that this is the right time or place for jokes. I'm really hurting right now, and I would appreciate if you respect this." That way she knows what you want, what you don't want, and why.

Either way, I hope the new T does empathize with you and tries to understand you, and I hope this goes as painlessly as possible!!!

[ScarletPimpernel]

OH!

Another thing I learned once...

When you are having a hard time expressing your feelings appropriately, use this formula:

I feel (insert emotion) when (insert situation), so could you please (insert a resolution).

That allows you to clearly state how you feel, what made you feel that way, and gives the person a way to "correct" the situation.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Next week is my first transition week with my t and the new t, since my t wants me to introduce myself and partake of the session as well, although she will be doing some talking as well, this what, I will be requesting or saying.

Please feel free to critque or help me reword.

1. You cannot fill my therapists shoes.

2. Dont expect me to accept you with open arms.

3. Dont try and make silly jokes with me to break the ice.

4. Dont offer me any tissues.

5. Dont use any csa words that I dont like (I will let her know).

6.Dont expect me to believe you when you say you are not leaving.

7. Dont expect me to become attached and wear my emotions on my sleeve.

I agree with the others that this list comes off as very angry. I know you are, but this new T isn't the cause of your anger. So, I'll offer a shot at helping you reword you needs as "I" statements:

1. I really loved my old T and it will be really difficult for me to trust you and attach to you like I did to her.

2.Please give my a lot of space and time to adapt. Trying to cheer me up or if I perceive you as less than genuine, it will just make this transition even more difficult.

3. I have particular trouble with a couple of things:
a. I am turned off by efforts to make me laugh to get on my
good side. Please just give me room.
b. I am bothered when a therapist tries to hand me tissues.
c. I have trouble with certain words associated with CSA
(here you might hand her a list if you don't want to say
those words.)

4. I'm feeling really raw and repeatedly abandoned by therapists,
so I may never be able to trust that you won't leave me.

Think I covered your list, and you've framed these as requests to help you rather than angry restrictions/demands against her.

[A Red Panda]

Like everyone else... I agree that it comes across as angry and confrontational, and could be worded in a more helpful manner. It sounds like you're setting it up to be you vs. the new T instead of trying to work with the new T.

I'd reword them like this (but this is just my rewording)

1. You cannot fill my therapists shoes. I am worried/scared of being hurt and left on my own; it will be difficult for me to trust you.

2. Dont expect me to accept you with open arms. I am going to miss my T and it will take me a long time to possibly build as good of a relationship with you.

3. Dont try and make silly jokes with me to break the ice. Making jokes to try and bond with me makes me feel like ________.

4. Dont offer me any tissues. I do not like having tissues offered to me because ________.

5. Dont use any csa words that I dont like (I will let her know). I feel uncomfortable when these words are used and would prefer to not have them used. I am likely to react to these words by __________.

6.Dont expect me to believe you when you say you are not leaving. I have strong abandonment fears that have been intensified by having multiple Ts leave me. Please do not try to reassure me that you are not leaving, because I do not trust you right now.

7. Dont expect me to become attached and wear my emotions on my sleeve. I find it hard to show my emotions, especially when I am feeling abandoned and scared. Please do not push me to show more emotions than I am comfortable sharing.

I've tried to reword your statements into helpful, instead of accusatory, statements. They are giving the new T information about you, instead of just listing demands. It will help the new T more to understand what your fears and hesitations are so that they can help work with you for those.

You might also want to include the topics that you wish to work on first with the new T. Everything in your list is either things you don't want them doing, or things related to the abandonment you're feeling with your current T. Which is also a totally valid thing to want to work on, but it doesn't mention anything that you've been working on with your current T.

[Auntie2014]

If I remember from your other post you mentioned that you and T will be meeting together 3 times with new T for the transition. I am fairly sure current T and new T have probably discussed this transition and how hard this is going to be for you. This first session is in old T's office so you can feel more comfortable.

I am sure that with some rewording you will come up with a very good list. Remember old T is there with you to help you through this. It will be a chance for new T to see how you and old T work together. At the end of this first session you might want to ask new T to tell you how she works with her clients and what changes you might expect.

At your 2nd transition session I think new T is going to be the lead T with old T there to support you and help you with adjusting to the different (if any) ways new T does things. You will be in new T's office so you will see where you are going to be and get comfortable with the space. I would hope that new T will gathering information so she can give you a better idea of what her treatment plan will be for you.

I think the 3rd session is a chance for you to experience what future sessions will be like with new T. Then you are going to have time to say Goodbye to old T.

They are going to hard sessions for you but I think you have a lot of people here rooting for you. I know I am!

[someone321]

Sweepy, I would only add that if you feel angry about this change and you want to tell your new T don't, don't don't, I think I would not change it to nice wording if it is really against your will... For me, your "a little bit angry" phrasing also means something and I wouldn't use a nice and polite wording if I really was extremely angry, it would be a bit fake for me... But I agree with others that I would add more reasoning, like why your T shouldn't do this or that, more explanation you add - better, quicker your new T will able to understand you...

[sweepy62]

Auntie:You brough tears to my eyes, thank you so much.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by someone321

Sweepy, I would only add that if you feel angry about this change and you want to tell your new T don't, don't don't, I think I would not change it to nice wording if it is really against your will... For me, your "a little bit angry" phrasing also means something and I wouldn't use a nice and polite wording if I really was extremely angry, it would be a bit fake for me... But I agree with others that I would add more reasoning, like why your T shouldn't do this or that, more explanation you add - better, quicker your new T will able to understand you...

Thank you, I want that new person to know im angry,, of course I feel abandoned, this is twice in a row omg!!!!!!!!!!