[Amandasmom]

I received a copy of a digital magazine in my Inbox today. In it was a picture of my T, her husband, and children. Her and her husband were honored at her children's school back in November.

She uses her maiden name professional. The picture had her married name.

Would you congratulate her if you were me. I've been seeing her for 4 years. If I congratulate her she will know I know her married name and have seen a picture of her family.

Thanks for your input!

[Wren_]

I would definitely congratulate my T if I read something like that

she must also be aware with publicity that clients might see it

[purplemystery]

I think it would be okay to congratulate her, though I'm sure I would be feeling hesitant if I were in your shoes too. I don't think she would be upset, especially since you came upon this information by chance.

[stopdog]

I would not. I don't think it is wrong to do so, just I would not.

[A Red Panda]

I would, because I like to celebrate good things about other people. And it's public information - it was delivered to your inbox! (Then again, I congratulated my T on not getting lost in the woods when he went on a hunting trip...)

[brillskep]

It's a sensitive situation and largely depends on the kind of relationship you have with your therapist. It does remind me of a similar situation I had with my T - I accidentally found out his birthday online (I saw it when he started adding some of our mutual friends on his facebook list). When the week of his birthday came, I did say happy birthday and even gave him a gift - though I admit I was very nervous about it, not knowing how he'd react to my knowing information he hadn't shared about himself. He was actually quite pleased. But then, this is one particular situation. If you've known your T for 4 years, surely you can take a guess as to how she might react?

[Amandasmom]

Originally Posted by brillskep

It's a sensitive situation and largely depends on the kind of relationship you have with your therapist. It does remind me of a similar situation I had with my T - I accidentally found out his birthday online (I saw it when he started adding some of our mutual friends on his facebook list). When the week of his birthday came, I did say happy birthday and even gave him a gift - though I admit I was very nervous about it, not knowing how he'd react to my knowing information he hadn't shared about himself. He was actually quite pleased. But then, this is one particular situation. If you've known your T for 4 years, surely you can take a guess as to how she might react?

Actually I'm not sure how she will react. She doesn't disclose and personal information (or rarely) but if I ask her a personal question she usually answers it. If the picture was just her, I wouldn't think twice. Not sure how she will react because it also includes her husband and children.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would not. I don't think it is wrong to do so, just I would not.

I agree, but only because I believe I remember you posting about your therapist before and how you had found out a lot of personal information about her on the internet. [If I'm wrong about this, please correct me.]

I think you mentioned you found out where her kids went to school or something? Did you sign up for the newsletter because of that?

If so, no way would I suggest you tell her. You'd have to explain how you knew and if you only know because of Googling all this info and then signing up for a newsletter based on that info...it screams stalker.

I'm telling you this because I don't want you to experience your T freaking out on you, not because I want to be mean.

[Elektra_]

why not?

[Amandasmom]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

I agree, but only because I believe I remember you posting about your therapist before and how you had found out a lot of personal information about her on the internet. [If I'm wrong about this, please correct me.]

I think you mentioned you found out where her kids went to school or something? Did you sign up for the newsletter because of that?

If so, no way would I suggest you tell her. You'd have to explain how you knew and if you only know because of Googling all this info and then signing up for a newsletter based on that info...it screams stalker.

I'm telling you this because I don't want you to experience your T freaking out on you, not because I want to be mean.

Yes you are correct I google her. But this was sent in my inbox. It's a local digital magazine that I'm on the distribution list. If she ask, I can send her the magazine.

[stopdog]

I have absolutely no idea how the woman I see would respond if I congratulated her. And I have seen her for almost 4 years.

Do you know why you want to mention this to her? It just does not sound, from the description above, that this is a big deal to the general public and actually not something I would consider congratulating most people on. Is there some bigger reason to even mention it?

[Amandasmom]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have absolutely no idea how the woman I see would respond if I congratulated her. And I have seen her for almost 4 years.

Do you know why you want to mention this to her? It just does not sound, from the description above, that this is a big deal to the general public and actually not something I would consider congratulating most people on. Is there some bigger reason to even mention it?

I just thought it would be nice to congratulate her on this honor and tell her how nice she looked. I send her an email every week (her request) with my grateful list for the week. I thought I could just add a PS "saw your picture and you looked great. Congrats!"

I won't mention it in my session and see if she brings it up. What do you think?

why were they being honoured?

I would definitely congratulate her.

My T didn't have a maiden vs married name for me to discover (T was a he), but I found an online picture of him being honored by a national organization and congratulated him for it, then asked him about his experience. He was not surprised or uncomfortable that I found this picture, and we discussed his service/ accomplishment.

Hope you can talk to her about this, although it seems appropriate either way.

edit: Just read other replies. If your T knows you for 4 years, she already knows you are not a stalker, right? I hope you don't stress too much about that.
I told my new T on the 1st or 2nd session that I found him by reading his published work I found online. He wasn't scared but seemed interested that I wanted to talk about the ideas in his research.

It might turn out to be a nice moment of sharing between you and your T - sometimes talking about things other than trauma and problems and whatnots gives you a nice break and fosters the bond.

[Amandasmom]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

why were they being honoured?

Long support at her children's school

[Bentay]

I don't think I would congratulate her although it does depend on your relationship with your T. Just out of interest, if your concerned about her reaction towards you why would you put yourself in an awkward position ? I mean, of course she maybe fine about it, but I would be worried my T would start asking questions about what was behind the congrats!

I wouldn't congratulate T. I suspect she's had an entire lifetime of being validated by colleges, friends and family, and other institutions for her achievements, whereas I am disliked by everyone.

Yes definitely would congratulate her

[Bill3]

I would not mention it.

[anilam]

Not sure about congrats, it really doesn't sound like stg I'd congratulate ppl for. However, I'd mention it briefly- just because I'd find it an interesting coincidence (once I read a newspaper and there was a short article from my Ts wife and I did mention it- asked if it was his wife) and let her know I knew that stuff about her (maiden name...)

[willowbrook]

My Pdoc is a former Muay Thai (Kickboxing) fighter, as well as having a laundry list of other martial arts he's trained in (seriously, if I ever needed a swift kick up the backside I'm sure he could kick me into next week ). I saw one of his fights on YouTube, that he'd won, and mentioned it to him and congratulated his win. He was a bit sheepish, but he thanked me, asked me to send him the link, and then we spoke for a few minutes about his fight career. He knows I found out about his martial arts background by accident, and I wasn't purposefully searching stuff out on him, so it was all good.

I would think there is no harm in mentioning you saw the picture and story on whatever the name of the publication is. I mean, you just saw it coincidentally. I'm not sure "congratulate" is quite the word I'd use though. It isn't like she actually won an award exactly. Those types of recognitions generally are not actual awards unless it is a tradition award given every year to the best volunteer. Even then it is really more about recognition and thanks than winning anything. (My perspective comes from being in the education business). Maybe just something like "That was a great picture of your family. Sounds like you've spent a lot of time volunteering at you son's school. Pretty impressive." I don't think she would have any problem with that and would enjoy the compliment.

[Amandasmom]

Thanks for all your replies. I have this horrible thought if I tell her she will say that now I know her married name, her kids names, and ages, what school they go to, and her husbands name she will no longer want to see me.

I'm probably just being paranoid but I decided I'm not taking any chances.

I'm not going to say anything now. Maybe if somehow it comes up in the future then I may say something then. I don't want any ruptures with her as we are really having good sessions lately.

Thanks again for your help!