Closed up

For the first time in therapy today, I felt myself close up.

We were discussing what my childhood was like, how I was compared to my older siblings, we were talking freely, then the conversation changed to school teachers and I was saying how this one teacher was really mean and how I hated her, I was describing how this teacher was on one occasion, and there it was, this image, like it happened yesterday (I'm 35, this would have happened 20 years ago) for a split second it was like I was there again, in that classroom with the teacher being mean and announcing my flaws to the class.

My T asked me " how did I react, what did I feel like " there it was, like something just closed up inside me, I just replied wanted to leave, she asked how I felt emotionally, I just shrugged and said I don't know, I just couldn't say it as I don't think I know what I was feeling.

I didn't tell my T how it felt like I was back in that classroom for a split second, don't know why I didn't. Might bring it up next week with her.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Do you think you regressed and it was a defence mechanism?

It's the first time it has happened.

I detach from my surroundings, we have found out but never experienced anything like this before, It was so real just for a split second and afterwards everything felt hazy, not really been with it since x

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Perhaps you were disassociating?

Take care

Maybe, now I can't get it out of my head it's all been swimming around all night xx

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It's never occurred to me until now this is what I do, thanks! Now I can remember as a kid as well just facing abuse and standing there frozen. I'm like this nearly the entire therapy session and cant figure out how to stop and open up.