Having Lunch at Therapy Sessions

If necessary, and if you don't mind, it shouldn't be a big deal eating during your session. I just don't understand how it would work? Because there is usually a lot of talking and it seems counterproductive, like it would be hard to fully emotionally engage because you are eating.

Then again I struggle sometimes talking and eating when I am just out having lunch with a friend, lol.

While you may not intentionally be thinking about boundaries with this action, that doesn't mean that it isn't about boundaries. It isn't about the rightness or wrongness of the action; it's about the psychological intent behind the action. Since there's no practical necessity driving the consideration, and you say it might have a positive effect on the relationship, that shows there is a psychological motive. Whether it's helpful or not is for you and the T to decide. I'm just pointing out that in your posts these issues always seem to be a concern for you.

I wouldn't eat in front of T, for the reasons the others mentioned. Also the whole chewing/swallowing thing while trying to have a conversation... not for me. But if it's comforting or makes you feel good - why not?

What I would consider, and have done, is bring a warm drink like coffee or tea to drink at my appointment. If you want to feel like you're sharing something with T, you could ask that T have a warm drink at the same time?

It seems like it would be a waste of your money. It is very distracting. If I am hungry I might bring a smoothie and have a piece of bread in the car.

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I would not- am there to do therapy (for which I'm paying dearly ) not have a snack. But that's me and I could well imagine some client benefiting from it.

I'm sorry that I've offended everyone. Sometimes I just feel wary for the lurkers and newbies who read and think that such behaviours are within the bounds of the normal range of the therapeutic relationship and environment.

But the lurkers and newbies also read all of the others who speak of very strict boundaries and their personal therapeutic relationships and experiences. We're all here to share and try to relate...even if it is just finding one or two people with a similar feeling, longing, emotion, situation, etc.

Actually, in my late twenties, I had a therp who I normally saw at lunch time and would see if she wanted me to pick up something for her at lunch. She would always reimburse me. Didn't have a problem with that, but had a definite problem the couple times she wanted to meet me at a restaurant. Definitely felt a boundary crossing. Extremely uncomfortable with it, whether we were talking about me or about something else we sere discussing, almost as friends.

My sessions with my old T were right after her lunch period. She would often run errands during lunch or go out with another T in the office. At times they would return with a dogie bag or a bag of fast food when the errands took longer than expected. My T would ask me if it was OK for her to finish/eat her lunch in session. Other times she had things like a bag of grapes or other snack that she might munch on. She always offered to share.

At first I felt that she was testing me to see what I would do. Over the years I figured out that she was just being polite. I really did not mind if she ate in front of me. In a way it kept my words flowing because she didn't interrupt my thought process while her mouth was full.

Its true that each therapeutic relationship is very different, with some being more casual and some more professional. I only think it seems inappropriate because it would be distracting for me. Also that its in an office. Much like the classroom example someone used, it just doent seem to be the right place. But if it is somehow beneficial to someones therapy, I cant imagine it being a big deal.

Believe you me when I was in school I used to eat in the classroom all the time.

I have met my therapist numerous times, outside the office, for breakfast/coffee/lunch. Sometimes it's out of convenience as we I now live nearly 2 hours from her so we have met in places that are somewhere in the middle.
We have also done it to get me out of a 'therapy-slump'. It has been helpful to shake things up a bit, as well as to see her as just a regular person.

Really not sure if this is anyones business. Nor is my t's relationship with us anyones business, and i am not sure who elected the people in this board the boundary police , but i will say this; my t is very ethical, very well known around the world for her expertise in trauma, her methods, and also very well liked for her integrity and her knowledge. My t doesnt do anything with me that she wouldnt do with any other client, i am not the only one who has ever travelled a lng way to go visit her and have days of intense trauma sessions with her, i am not the only one who has gone out for lunch/ etc with her i am sure. Its the way she works, and it works. Its something that is extremely therapeutic, and it has been extremely helpful for the younger alters especially.
Going to visit her (shes been gone for two years) was one of th best things i ever did; so what if we also went out for burgers, or went to the park or the market or whatever. Its called having FUN. We did it to break up the intensity of the sessions, and because we both like to laugh. I am babysitting her dog and its become part of the family now; also very therapeutic, for several reasons.
We have a different sort of relationship, and its working, so stop judging, i really dont care what anyone thinks anyway.
I have got a very good life, i am very good at my job, i have good friends, i have a great t. I dont need people judging whats working .especially when no one here actually knows me, or me t, or where we live, or what the situation is. Thanks.

Thanks for clearing that up Starry_Night and I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries, I am just curious how people's Therapy sessions differ from mine.

Since I have an ED I have never had my T eat lunch in front of me. Once she did ask me if I could please eat my meal bar in front of her,I ate a quarter of it and said I was full.

Even if I didn't struggle with an ED I don't think I would enjoy my T taking my T time to eat her lunch as I wouldn't do it to her. It's like I wouldn't respond to a text in the middle of T. Plus it would be a distraction for me.

My boundaries are pretty strict and just because it wouldn't work for me,doesn't mean it doesn't for anyone else. I think it's interesting to see the different types of relationships and boundaries you all have

I cannot imagine eating in a therapy session. I don't care if my therapist eats a sandwich or drinks coffee, but it is at her own risk. I say that, because I have become physically ill a number of times when really upset due to the trauma work. She's really calm about it and hands me a trash can, and doesn't move away...but I have felt really sorry for her a couple of times when it happened as she was eating.

I mentioned this to my new Therapist today and she told me that while she is not 100% against it she also said that she is not sure if it is the best idea. Although I won't be seeing her at Noon again for the forseable future because her schedule fluxuates but I will be seeing her at Three for three weeks in a row and I also talked about bringing snacks to a session as well.

It is also at my ts own risk if he drinks his coffee while i am talking - i think it sets off a signal in my brain to make him laugh! Spittake!

I can't believe I'm reading on this thread that:

a) Anyone would really consider eating during therapy. You are there to focus on your work, eat when you're done. Eat before you go. Use common sense for heaven's sake

b) Your T's either invite you to eat, or allow it. Or worse, that the T is eating lunch during therapy. He's not being paid to eat on your time.

c) That you and your respective T's GO OUT TO EAT. WTF????? Do you always pay for your friends to accompany you should you need to eat out? And moreover, where are the BOUNDARIES????

Therapy is supposed to take place in an OFFICE. You are supposed to get your time, explicitly for you. When you're done, resume normal life. The end. How does anyone really expect to grow in their therapy if in fact, you're breaking the fourth wall so much and literally inviting this person into your real life? How objective can either party be?

As one who's T does occasionally eat during session, and has invited me to eat, I wanted to comment on this.

For some people, eating IS part of the work. My T specializes in eating disorders. Eating in front of others, or eating at all may be issues one is working on, and eating in session may be part of that work. I'm really, really struggling with food at the moment...it's a challenge to eat at all. I'm seeing T tomorrow at lunch time, and seriously considering asking her if I can bring my lunch, because it will ensure that I eat something tomorrow. If I don't eat during my session, there's a very good chance that I won't eat at all tomorrow.


Again - sometimes, eating IS part of therapy. If eating is an issue, my T encourages her clients to bring a meal or snack and work on eating during the session. As far as my T eating lunch - she's doing me a favor and squeezing me in during her usual lunch time. She always lets me know if she'll be eating lunch, and checks to make sure it's not a problem for me. If it were an issue, I'd tell her, and she'd wait. I'm one of her clients who doesn't have a problem with other people eating...I just have a problem with my own eating.

And if it's a very valid part of treatment? If a person has issues with social anxiety or eating in public or something, then it's perfectly valid to go out with a T.

Therapy does NOT always have to happen in an office, if a client needs something different. I've had a session outside, sitting at a picnic table, because my new meds were making me sleepy and walking around and sitting in the sun helped me wake up. I've had a session in which we spent half of it riding up and down in my T's elevator...she's on the 8th floor, and I panic every time I have to ride the elevator, so we worked on that.

For some people, and for some T's, perhaps they need therapy to occur ONLY in the office. For others, that is not beneficial and I think it's wonderful that some T's recognize that and are willing to think outside the box to help their clients.

I don't see anything wrong with it if the therapist doesn't mind but I can't see how it enhances the relationship. It does seem like you have a need to push the boundaries and constantly try to expand the way your therapist interacts with you. It might be worth exploring why that is.

In some ways I like to break the fourth wall on occasion to confirm that the relationship is genuine and that my Therapist is a Three-Dimensional human being, I don't see anything wrong with having a lunch session every once in a while (such as once a month), plus it might actually be a benefit for the Therapist because if they eat during a session (provided that their client is OK with it) it clears up time for them to do other personal things during their actual lunch break.

I have an eating disorder, so eating in therapy was part of treatment to enable me to eat outside of my house and in front of people, why in therapy, it's a safe place

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Well like I said earlier I really wasn't going for that in this thread. I think that my new Therapist is sort of on par with me when it comes to interaction should we happen to meet outside the office, (i.e. a flexible line and not a solid one) so I think that we might be on to something with all of this.

In most cases of therapy though, that wall is not supposed to be broken. In some intense therapy where there are issues such as ED's, I understand there is a lot of flexibility and the general rules don't apply to these individuals.

But for others, it does seem like an attempt to make the relationship more intimate than it is and really should be. Even in a class setting, most people who do eat do so very discreetly and with food that is more a snack than a meal. If anyone ever brings a meal, and it's rare, they usually eat it fast in the few minutes before class starts. Never during the class.There is something intimate about eating and in most situations it is just not what you typically do.