[ahdm]

Okay, so at the moment I'm feeling like this:



I'm in CBT therapy at the moment, I've had 10 sessions on and off since August after I OD'd...

It's going okay... my T gets me to do worksheets during the week because I don't talk much in sessions, so we can't get through the stuff we need to. I'm starting to think if there's ever going to be an end to these damn worksheets - I'm a perfectionist, so I'm so scared of getting answers wrong, even if slightly, and the worksheets don't help that. I've been trying so so so hard to really read the worksheets and go through them and change my thinking, but 17-years of negative-thinking seems to be hard to shift...

I know this is gonna be a bit of a rant (sorry)... All I want to do in sessions is scream and shout and cry and break down and curl into a ball and SI and hit things... and that probably sounds mad and crazy, but unfortunately it's something I have to deal with. Problem is, I kinda wanna either stop CBT because it doesn't help or ask my T if we could use another method, OR I wanna just grit my teeth and bear through it, because I'm scared that if I ask if we can use another method, and she says no, she'll suggest going to another therapist... and I REALLY don't want or need that right now... My list of problems seems to be endless, so I won't list them here (if anyone wants to know just ask) and I get on well with my T when I talk, and I don't want to start again.

I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to get out of this post...
My next session is tomorrow morning, and I am DREADING it...
I just don't really know what to do...

Thank you if you read all of this I really appreciate it x

[Perna]

Maybe print out this post and give it to the T? Therapy is not all or nothing, one method or another, there are things in between. Your T may be able to help you with some features from other types of therapy and/or add a therapist (instead of getting rid of this one :-) or have other ideas. But if you are afraid of all or nothing sorts of choices, then give her your post so she realizes that is the biggest thing and does not accidentally make the mistake of suggesting one of those you fear?

[Raging Quiet]

Please tell your t all this, don't dissappear without saying anything. I hope you can find the courage to speak up x

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by Perna

Maybe print out this post and give it to the T? Therapy is not all or nothing, one method or another, there are things in between. Your T may be able to help you with some features from other types of therapy and/or add a therapist (instead of getting rid of this one :-) or have other ideas. But if you are afraid of all or nothing sorts of choices, then give her your post so she realizes that is the biggest thing and does not accidentally make the mistake of suggesting one of those you fear?

I've thought about printing it out and showing it to her, but I've already written her a letter disclosing some other things... Would it not be too much to give her that letter and this?

[ahdm]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

Please tell your t all this, don't dissappear without saying anything. I hope you can find the courage to speak up x

I've tried desperately before to tell her about things going on in my head - I've written letters as long as 10 pages both sides, and as short as a few lines, but I have NEVER had the courage to actually give them to her and I really want to, I just get to 10 minutes before the session and I think 'this was a stupid idea, its not going to help, it sounds petty, she'd only laugh if I gave it to her'... I just don't know how to bring myself to give it to her

[Perna]

I would decide what you want to work on next/first and give her one thing and tell her you have another for next session :-)