Valentines Day Gift For My Therapist

I want to get a Valentines Day gift for my therapist. I love her. I want to get her jewelry, maybe a necklace or bracelet because I don't want to freak her out with a ring LOL. If she doesn't accept the gift I can just return it. She has been my therapist for about a year. I at least want to get her chocolate or flowers or something I mean who doesn't like chocolate or flowers. I just want to make her happy, I love her smile. As you can see I'm pretty pathetic at the moment but I am totally in love. I didn't get her a card or anything for Christmas and I feel bad for not i mean a card wouldn't have been a big deal to get. I screwed up. But I definitely want to get her something this time.

I wouldn't do it. Really consider her reaction. If she's ethical, she won't accept a thing from you, except maybe a handwritten note. You can give her your love (within boundaries, of course) but imagine how you might feel if she rejects your material gift. You can make her happy by staying within the confines of healthy boundaries and telling her how much she means to you. That's what she'd really like.

Amen Mactastic. I will add that going too far might seriously impair your relationship with your therapist. RFS - this is a good opportunity to work on accepting things as they are and not go any further.

I wouldn't do it either, you would be putting her and you in an awkward situation. If she rejects it imagine how you will feel? On the other hand she will feel extremely uncomfortable with a present that substantial. It is crossing her boundaries and is only something you could do if you both felt love for each other- which I hope isn't the case as it would be unethical. mactastic has already said all of this better than me but I wanted to say it will have serious consequences

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I would be happy to wager money that she will not accept a gift like that and you may get a "lecture" and less close feelings in the future. When I was in 6th grade I behaved inappropriately toward my male teacher and got a conference between him and my mother and from then on never got called by my nickname but by my full name which had never been used to me before; talk about lonely and confused! Your therapist is there to help you with your therapy, not for you to love, she has her own choice of lovers.

I often got my T a card for Valentines Day, that was fun for me to try to find since it could not be about romantic love, gifts, etc. but had to relate to my therapy in some way. I found one funny card the first year that had a character on the front with their hands on their heart proclaiming, "You say you want to know just how I feel. . ." and then you open it up and it says, "I feel fine!"

Instead of spending money, talk to her about what gift you would get her and why. Tell her about how you feel and what you hoped to accomplish with the gift. She would prefer this to actually receiving one.

Where are you from? In my country, bringing a T a Valentine's Day gift might be very unexpected and easily interpreted as a plain gesture of courtship, which would likely not be accepted. But maybe in your culture you'd give out Valentine's Day cards or small gifts to friends, family, etc, in which case it wouldn't be a problem. All I'm saying is, do consider the context. Don't give her the gift as you would to a potential partner because she will probably not react as you'd want her and you will only get hurt.
If I were you and wanted to give her something, I'd give her a card with my best wishes / thanks to her as a good therapist. A small gift like chocolates or flowers if it's common in your country. If you want to get her jewelry, make sure it's nothing expensive because an ethical therapist would not accept that. Perhaps you could give her a handmade plastic bead bracelet or something else that you made? The more symbolic the better.
Of course, I'm not trying to dictate what you should do. If you want, you can even give her an all-out romantic gift, of course, just please be aware that she's unlikely to accept that kind of attention from a client. I hope you make the best choice for yourself.

Two years ago i gave my t a pink and red sock monkey that called to me from the after-V-day sale table at the drug store, saying "give me to t!" Not literally - unlike the little grey sock monkey that DID call to me at the hardware store with a jungle caw caw caw, its hilarious. Anyway i just figured out why that ugly thing caught my eye - when i was very little, i put red socks on my doll with the pink dress and i remember saying that she was "very fashion" now, because red and pink went together. And that statement just went out into the ether - into silence; no acknowledgment. Just *poof* Like how it would make me uncomfortable when people responded to me on the couch - i wanted to be able to just say stuff, to just hang around and just have my presence tolerated - because to be noticed and talked to could only end badly. But my inner child or whoever wanted a redo on the pink and red incident - some acknowledgment. Cuz usually, with a good enough parent, thats what you get - some response. So i think thats what valentines day is about, even with our t's - where are we on their line of vision?

I like the card or handwritten note ideas. As you are thinking way too much into this.

Don't get her something you'd get a girlfriend-especially not jewelry (it would just be awkward I think)... I think a small box of chocolates would be thoughtful enough and ok. But every T is different. A psychodynamic therapist would want to explore your feelings about this.

Oh dear. I fear this will not go in the way you expect or hope.

Valentines Day is typically celebrated with a partner/spouse in my mind. Not general loved ones (like Christmas). Its a romantic holiday. Since there is not romance in the T relationship Id say best not do it. I think it would be awkward for both and hurtful to you.

A Christmas card or small gift is one thing, a card or gift for Valentines day is another. I'm sure you know about the ethics and realities of a T/Client relationship, and you just want to make your T happy with a sweet affectionate gesture... but I don't imagine a T reacting well to what could so easily perceived as a romantic intention. Don't do it! I imagine it would create distance between you, not closeness.

Hmm, where I live in the US, the children give Valentine's to all of their classmates, including their teachers. Parents give Valentines to their children. My former boss gave me a Valentine's gift. I gave my T a Valentine's gift and everything went fine.

It seemed like a sweet expression of relational feelings. I wouldn't recommend the jewelry, but I guess I can see how even a small gesture can backfire with some Ts.

Hmmmm. If you want to get her something, I don't think you should give it to her on Valentine's day at all. And maybe you should get her a tiny plant and a card instead. Why not give it to her on St. Patricks Day! Or even just a general day! Just not Valentine's Day!

I would absolutely not get a gift of any kind for your T on Valentine's Day. It's a romantic holiday for the majority of people. It's true that some people give something to their mother perhaps, and kids exchange valentines in school, but that's that's where the exceptions end. In your situation it's just not appropriate If you feel the urge to do so, like others have said, give her a small token of your affection (in the form of a plant for her office or a card) on a different day. Any other day than Valentine's day to be honest!

Please take the advice of everyone on this thread - there's no way that buying a Valentines Day gift for your T is going to end well for you. If T accepts it, I would question her ethics. Gifts of that nature are completely inappropriate in a professional relationship.

I'd recommend getting a non-holiday Thank You type card, if you feel compelled to do something nice for T. Kind words mean more than any grand gesture.

You're all right I would be crushed if I got a gift and she rejected it. I don't know if I'd be able to recover. I'm leaning towards not getting any gift but I haven't decided. I want to get her something so bad!

You could make her something as a "thank you" but not for valentine's day. Writing a note about how meaningful her help has been can be way more touching than a store bought gift.

Also, it sounds important that you tell her that you are having feelings for her --as long as you understand that a romantic relationship can't happen. But she can help you navigate your feelings

I write things down for her to read a lot and one of the things I wrote down was that I was in love with her. I wrote everything down separated by paragraphs. Then I said I wanted her to read a paragraph, then we talk about it, then read another paragraph, then we talk about it, etc. In the first paragraph I wrote that I was in love with her and complemented her. I admitted I'd looked her up on google and Facebook. We mostly talked about Facebook stuff, not my feelings for her. When she asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk about I said I wasn't ready. I wish she didn't put me in charge. I can't lead. The next week I wrote a bunch if more stuff but told her I wasn't ready to show her. I want to apologize for telling her I love her but the same time I want to talk to her about it.

That's good that you have already told her. If the feeling is nagging at you it is ok to bring it up--she will know what to do.

I think you are brave for saying something. I have a crush on CBT T but I don't want to bring it up--not sure what purpose it would serve for me except a feeling of relief at having shared something embarrassing.