[Hoppery]

So, from what I've seen on here you experience positive and negatives during therapy. Therefore to better prepare myself, for the negatives that might pop up, how did you cope with them in therapy? And if you were negative towards your T, how did they respond?

[Perna]

I do not think you can prepare yourself for life, you just have to live it. Surely you have regrets in life, things you wish you had done differently or that you feel someone else should have done differently, etc.? Those come up and/or the therapist may or may not see situations the same way you do. One may feel misunderstood, angry, hurt, hopeless, depressed, etc. from what goes on in therapy and those things get acted out or discussed or are caused by discussions, etc. Therapy can be a true "struggle". But no one else's struggle is the same as our own because ours is ours.

[HazelGirl]

Negatives in what way?

Times we don't see eye-to-eye? We talk about it and discuss what each of is are seeing and where we can agree. I'm the client, and so if I have good reason to not follow a certain path or have a differing opinion, my view of things is what affects how therapy goes. My T doesn't force me to conform to her opinion.

Times when there's misunderstanding? That has only majorly happened once for me so far. And I wasn't as consciously aware of it as my T was, but she could tell something wasn't right. We got down to the bottom of it and it was resolved and talked about. We also talked about how we can prevent it from happening again.

Me expressing negative viewpoints or criticisms? She listens, and apologizes if necessary. And then works to make sure things are in my best interest.

So overall, things are handled well in my therapy.

[JayneJohnson49]

Good thread! I'm negative in general, way less now than pre-therapy but I'm still a glass half empty person. This transfers quite a bit into sessions and I'm negative 50% of the time towards T. T handles it pretty well, the few times we've discussed it she says she knows it usually isn't her rather whatever I'm grinding through and since I'm already negative enough at myself I lash out at her. I don't throw things or yell and scream but I get very exasperated and frustrated and my words are biting. I'm a post session processor so quite a few times the next session I return with my tail between my legs and apologize for being an ***. I'm genuine in those apologies and when I don't make them I tell her why. Actually, when I apologize I tell her why too. T says she doesn't want me angry/negative with her however if that's what I subconsciously need from her she'll take it over and over until I eventually accept something different in myself.

I'm trying to be more aware of negativity in sessions and in the moment work on abstracting if T upset me (ie, she said something I disagreed with) or if the topic is upsetting and because I can't take anymore self-hatred I turn it on her. I've had three sessions this year but this extra step is helping.

[Gabbage]

There is negativity in mine at times. Mainly because he makes sweeping statements which I find offensive. He says I'm being dismissive of him, I say I'm being completely honest. I don't think we have resolved this but generally the therapy serves the purpose I want it for.

[Hoppery]

I have a feeling my next appointment will be somewhat negative in places because he cancelled tomorrows appointment (Off sick). And I can't seem to help being angry at him :/ Selfish I know, can't seem to help it though. My routine is disrupted. Even more so because of social services care planning officer messed up. So now I won't get a support worker till next month (She waited nearly a month to tell me she had contacted a provider, they were supposed to contact me but did not) plus my dad's birthday wasn't long ago.. and Christmas and my own birthday which are tough times.. So wrong timing really for A. to 'get sick'

[Daeva]

Oh there are a few, wanting T to apologize and she won't. Wanting T to show more caring but she won't. Getting in a fight and being told you are always in the wrong.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Hoppery

I have a feeling my next appointment will be somewhat negative in places because he cancelled tomorrows appointment (Off sick). And I can't seem to help being angry at him :/ Selfish I know, can't seem to help it though. My routine is disrupted. Even more so because of social services care planning officer messed up. So now I won't get a support worker till next month (She waited nearly a month to tell me she had contacted a provider, they were supposed to contact me but did not) plus my dad's birthday wasn't long ago.. and Christmas and my own birthday which are tough times.. So wrong timing really for A. to 'get sick'

I've felt negative once about my pdoc because our appointment was really short. I asked the receptionist if there was some kind of mistake when I was leaving because it was sooooo much shorter than it should have been. I was very angry although I couldn't verbalize why at the time. I just knew there were things I wanted to say but couldn't think of while in session. We had appointments that ranged from 15-40 minutes depending on what was up. So if I had nothing to say we'd end it or if not keep going. Problem is that was an underlying assumption and never explicitly said. This particular time I was depressed but not talking, and he's not the inquisitive type. So I felt like I was being pushed out the door prematurely. So as I was leaving I complained (quietly) to the secretary asking if I had gotten it wrong: did we have a 20 minute instead of a 40 minute? She said no it was a 40, and I just asked her if she could check with him on that when he was free. She did gave him the message and he called me later that day, of course I was anxious by this point for complaining so I didn't answer He left a very lengthy voicemail, admitting he was confused about why I was upset. He apologized profusely and said to call back or I could wait until the next appointment. It was fine. He agreed to follow up a little better with me since I can be quiet, and I agreed to speak up if I have more to say. It works itself out if you can communicate well together...

You and A. will work this out, so I wouldn't avoid him. It is ok to be angry about the missed appointment even if you logically know it was a legit reason. Tell A. how you feel with out accusing him of anything. Your reaction is normal given your diagnosis especially and A. will know that so he will not react angrily. The service worker is another story as agencies tend to mess this stuff up all the time. You, or someone who works with you (like A maybe) need to stay on top of them to be sure your services don't fall between the cracks.

[Hoppery]

Thanks for your response. As MUCH as I want to tell him I will get the soonest appointment with him when he is better, I cannot. I said 2 weeks and I will stick to that. When I say something, I stick to it so that I am took seriously, each time I say something rather then not be took seriously at all and him thinking, it's all just rage talk. Maybe it was rage talk, but I am sticking to it. Whether I like it or not. If I went I would spend the whole hour session either raging inside, ticking like an unexploded bomb, verbally attacking him or playing mind games to which I don't want to do with him.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Hoppery

Thanks for your response. As MUCH as I want to tell him I will get the soonest appointment with him when he is better, I cannot. I said 2 weeks and I will stick to that. When I say something, I stick to it so that I am took seriously, each time I say something rather then not be took seriously at all and him thinking, it's all just rage talk. Maybe it was rage talk, but I am sticking to it. Whether I like it or not. If I went I would spend the whole hour session either raging inside, ticking like an unexploded bomb, verbally attacking him or playing mind games to which I don't want to do with him.

You could just tell him you're feeling hurt that he cancelled? And then explore where that hurt comes from? That's a healthier practice than just sitting marinating in your own rage. I know that isn't easy to do but you could write it down for him to read? It is very normal for clients to feel let down or angry when therapists get sick, sometimes it is because they feel abandoned or rejected and sometimes it's because the therapist being sick is a sign of weakness or vulnerability and that scares the client.
The thing is, to act in a way that is detrimental to you ie refusing to see him for two weeks and sticking to that steadfastly, it's only hurting you. Therapy is the one place you can be assured to be taken seriously. So why not call back and ask for a sooner appointment, allow yourself to be vulnerable, good things can come from steeping out our comfort zones.

[Hoppery]

No. Sorry. I cannot do that. I do not trust him. I've only been with him two times. I cannot show such things, it's far too soon to show much to him. It isn't really hurting me by me not seeing him for two extra weeks because he probably would of waited until the next appointment that I'm sure he booked in advance. (I'm sure he booked a few in advance) So there probably wouldn't be any spaces anyway. What with his other patients probably going to take up any spare appointments from today and tomorrow. I can survive for two weeks. I survived for 8 years without any help. 2 weeks, is easy, right?

I did write down a thought diary which had from Friday up until today filled out that I sent him via email, telling him that I refuse to see him for 2 weeks and gave him a short reason why. So by that thought diary alone, he will know how it made me feel.

[Fuzzybear]