Going back...

I finally contacted my T and I am seeing her tomorrow evening. I am so nervous. I don't know why, exactly...but I have a few ideas.

I'm nervous we will feel like strangers, and our relationship will not feel the same anymore.

I'm nervous I will realize it is not what I want anymore...Seeing her, being in therapy, etc.

I'm nervous she is mad at me and will stop caring because I went M.I.A for almost 4 weeks.

I'm nervous I will just break down completely and not be able to "pull it together" the whole session.

I know, everyone...my fears are super irrational. But they are still there...

I have so much anxiety about tomorrow. I don't know what I will talk about or how it will start. I feel like there is so much. I also feel mad at her but miss her and love her all at the same time. I don't know how the heck THAT emotion will come out.

Just wanted to say I can relate. Not sure how long it is since you've seen T but I am also going back to see T this week after a two month break. It was my choice to take the break and I did so very abruptly by sending her an email. I too am filled with anxiety about whether she will be angry or hurt that I just took that break without discussing it, will it be awkward (it's also in her home so that makes me feel awkward too!), will things feel the same, will I get super attached again or will I realise I don't need her? etc etc. I hope for both of us that things go smoothly and we can slot back into things as they were. Good luck!

I'm sorry to hear you are in a similar situation, but it feels better to know I'm not alone. It has only been a month, but it was with zero warning.
I'm like excited and nervous and dreading it and want to throw up all at once. It's going to be interesting! I told myself to refrain from throwing my arms around her the second I see her but I can't make any guarantees. lol

Lol! I would be tempted to do this too but wouldn't dare Even though we have hugged a couple of times

Haha that's understandable. I honestly don't think she would mind at all (unless of course my fears of her being mad at me are true). But it's a question of how my mixed emotions will come out once in the moment I see her again. It is likely the reason this won't happen is I will chicken out!