[granite1]

so after I spoke of the CSA and the freak out after, my T had some thoughts about what is going on. she said that she thinks the basic emotion that is running things and making me want to run is fear. that what I'm going through is often normal for someone who has been abused and traumatized as bad as I have. (honestly it feels strange to hear and say that ) she said that in order to be able to work with this that some things need to be put into place in order for her office to feel like a safe place and for me to feel safe and not being retraumatized during the process but that she strongly feels that I need to be able to talk about it ,share it ,in order to be able to be free of the hold it has over me and be able to have a good life . it all sounds so hopeful and story book. share your pain and it will get better. I don't trust it. it is very hard for me to even see how this will work. sometimes I think I am just way to broken and far gone. I'm also terrified.

she said that we have already put one safety thing in place. a while back she asked me to bring in a blanket that I was able to keep in the closet of her office. this was for times when I was feeling scared or overwhelmed. she said that at these times if I could wrap myself in it that it might help me feel more grounded, safe, and comforted. the one time I did use it ,it seemed to have somewhat of that affect on me if I am able to calm down enough to let it work.

another thing she said was that I should think of a safe person in my life. someone I can think of as comforting. so when in T I feel I am overwhelmed and need comforting . I tried to think of a person in my life past or present who I feel is safe and could really think of no one . I finely told her that maybe it would be a good idea to give up on that one because it was making me feel horrible. we talked about my stepfather and how close I was to him. maybe thinking about him would work during these times. she also said that we could make up such a person. I don't know if that would work, it sounded so lonely to do that.

she also said I could come up with a safe place to bring my thoughts to also. she talked about how my home is a safe haven for me .that is true I have never thought about it that way before but it is . I have made it safe and I stay here when I don't feel safe enough to go out and about. I also have an easy time imagining a peaceful place to take my thoughts.

I just don't know if any of this stuff will work when running against all the horrors that are in my head.

has anyone ever used these methods and understand them and what is is all about .I would love to hear more about it

[growlycat]

Main T has let me use him as that comforting figure. It is hard when you can't think of someone. Is your T ok with thinking of her as that person?

Sounds like you are in a painful place and I wish I knew what to say. I feel like I've been in that kind of pain and it did get better.

I still use imagery of both T's taking care of me to help me feel better when sad, stressed etc. Sometimes I feel silly doing it but I've found it to be helpful.

[velcro003]

Granite, my T had me draw out an imagined (or real, mine was imagined) a safe haven for myself, however i thought of it. I got to put in whatever it was that made me feel happy and safe…basically that phrase "go to your happy place" drawn out. She asked me to draw it because I like art (as do you), and I was VERY skeptical of the whole thing. Like "How on earth is this going to help anything?" I ended up getting a piece of poster board and just having fun with it because I didn't think it really mattered.

I drew a remote island that was loosely based on the huge house my dad's side of the family goes to every summer. While I haven't gone every year, i went from year 5 until 18, and then sporadically since then. It is a week of fun and relaxation and we have our own private beach and boat.

I spent a few days drawing it, and it ended up being pretty cool. We never actually used it for various reasons, but my T's reasoning was that your brain can't detect what is real or not. Feelings are feelings. Meaning, if I imagined this whole place that makes me feel happy and warm and fuzzy, if in times of distress, I thought of it, my brain would be comforted it--regardless of the fact that it isn't an actual place.

This is partially what EMDR focuses on. You literally can change details in your story, and it somehow 'tricks' your brain into helping you feel better. That is super simple and only a tiny bit of what EMDR does, but i see the similarities to what your T asked you.

I am glad that she is being forward about trying to actively make this a more safe space for you. Maybe she needed to see you open up just a tiny bit, and she is now willing to really go the extra mile to help you feel safe. I can't know her thoughts on how she works, but I'm glad she is doing this.

Right now just let your mind wander and think "What makes me happy?" Your scrap room seems like a pretty safe haven to me. Also I had to do an exercise where I thought of safe people, real or not. I had one friend and the rest were tv stars or famous somehow (I am SO not going to reveal that, way to embarrassing)! The point wasn't the factual info "Obviously this famous person can't really protect me, but the role that they play in my head makes me feel more protected." Soemthing like that.

Granite...

I learned about the "safe place" when I was visiting my son's school and went to his yoga class with him and they did guided imagery... I use it for things that cause me extreme anxiety like the dentist... or during procedures at doctors... (not that this compares to the types of feelings you would be going through but I find it works)

another thing that works for me is when I could signal xT in some way and he would remind me that I am safe and that its not the past...that i'm an adult now and I can protect myself...

I would have a hard time with the safe person as well.

[Chopin99]

I really did miss a lot while I was gone, Granite. You have come a long, long way.

The suggestions your T is giving you are good ones. My BFF has a mental "safe place" and it works really well for her.

I will say that it is not as simple as "share your pain and get better". You do have to share the pain to get better, but there is more work to do. However, that work can take many forms. For me, it's been internal...a process. I wish I could explain it more, but I really can't.

[Luce]

I think anything you can do to comfort and feel safe as you begin to go into this stuff with T is a really really good thing. As in not just one thing, but as many things as you can think of. For me those safe things and internal places built up over time to include music, calming oils, soft lights, comforting blankets, special objects (from T and friends ,and selves), and self care like comforting foods etc.
Some Ts like to help clients build up self soothing / self care skills before delving into traumatic stuff, which I think is a very very good idea. Going through unprocessed trauma is intense and difficult work. It is REALLY hard work and at times it is emotionally overwhelming and , but it helps a lot to go into it armed with lots of self supports in place. The more the better. Use whatever you know calms and supports you. All of them. As often as possible!

The tapes that play over and over for you and keep you silent in T seem to be so inground that I think it will take a little more than your T realises to break them... as in, when you are in that 'bad space' I don't think you would yet have the ability to get yourself to a calm place without help from t. I like the idea of a signal... like lifting a hand or something, that indicates to T that you are trapped in that place and are unable to talk. It would be really awesome if you and your T could come up with strategies for her to help you find your way back when you are stuck in that place.

Thanks for this Granite! I have used this to comfort myself since childhood. It's become automatic for me (going to a safe place). No one taught me but maybe it was my mother who suggested that I try to think of something nice to help me fall asleep, I don't recall? It worked for me but I've been using it a long time. Hope it works for you.

[Auntie2014]

I totally get the safe place. Mine is an image of myself floating around in a row boat on a pond.

The process does work . If you can open your mind to feel you are safe, it makes talking about the bad stuff easier. Talking about the bad stuff with someone else that understands about what it has done to you will help you in so many different ways.

You can always ask for some pocket riders if you need them for your safe place. I would be at the front of the line to jump in. Just say the word.

[elliemay]

These kinds of exercises helped me very much. I made my home a safe place - but it was easy for me because I live alone. I would definitely suggest, however, that you try to create a room that is only yours and fill it with your favorite things. If it's a Christmas tree, put a Christmas tree in that room. Crafting, coloring, a bean bag, pretty pictures. You know, things that bring you comfort and peace.

In the therapist's office, I do like the blanket option. My therapist had a picture on the wall of a beautiful landscape. I would picture myself there.

I also found a place to volunteer where I felt very very safe. I went there every single weekend. It helped a lot. I got to be outside and do some pretty exhausting physical labor. THAT kind of stuff is fabulous for getting out of your head. It's much better than running on a treadmill!

Good luck. This is a hard part of the road you are on, but it doesn't have to be very very uncomfortable AND you aren't on it alone.

[WikidPissah]

((chickie))
I did use these types of things with xt, and they did help somewhat.
I hope they really help you.

My safe person was my D. I never feel threatened or uncomfortable around her.