[unlockingsanity]

A few years ago, I finished therapy with a particular therapist. She gave me a copy of her notes that she kept about me.

These notes still haunt me. The very first note is enough to set me off.

I have thought about shredding and throwing them out or shredding them and burning them (just to make sure no one else can ever read them).

I feel like I've moved on from that relationship and have a very healing relationship with another T who is much more attuned to my needs.

The notes still haunt me though, and sometimes I pull them out when I'm already down - sort of to punish myself I think.

Should I get rid of them? I want to sort of put that behind me, but at the same time, I am scared not to have them (or anything) of my previous therapist left other than mental memories.

I'm not sure what to do. What would you do if you were me?

[doyoutrustme]

I'd have trouble getting rid of them. They can be a reminder of your past. of what you left behind. Of course you can shred em. I just dont think I could.

[RTerroni]

How were you people able to obtain them.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

How were you people able to obtain them.

When I found out she kept notes, I asked her if I could ever read them and she said yes. Later, I asked and we discussed why I wanted them. I think I only got them because she was sort of a newbie therapist and she'd never had anyone ask for them before.

My current T will not give me his - ever.

[RTerroni]

I don't think I would ever want to read what any Therapist wrote about me, I really don't want to know what a prior Therapist wrote down after she rejected my hug at the final meeting.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I don't think I would ever want to read what any Therapist wrote about me, I really don't want to know what a prior Therapist wrote down after she rejected my hug at the final meeting.

What if she just gave you the notes without you asking and you read them. Would you keep them or discard them?

[The_little_didgee]

I burned my Form 30 and Form 42. These forms are used to notify a person that they are being detained under the Ontario Mental Health Act. Before I burned them I wrote what I felt all over them. As I watched them burn, I felt my anger and hurt being released. It gave me closure.

I'd love to burn my medical records and erase my electronic medical records, because they are filled with lies.

If you want to try burning the records, but don't know if it would work, you can make photocopies or you can use them to make a collage or other pieces of art.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I burned my Form 30 and Form 42. These forms are used to notify a person that they are being detained under the Ontario Mental Health Act. Before I burned them I wrote what I felt all over them. As I watched them burn, I felt my anger and hurt being released. It gave me closure.

I'd love to burn my medical records and erase my electronic medical records, because they are filled with lies.

If you want to try burning the records, but don't know if it would work, you can make photocopies or you can use them to make a collage or other pieces of art.

I've thought about trying a mixed medium painting/art piece. Thanks for the suggestion...it's not something I ever considered doing with the notes.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

What if she just gave you the notes without you asking and you read them. Would you keep them or discard them?

It is hard to say but than again I could just read what I wanted to read and if they were in chronological order (starting with the earliest) than it would be easy for me to just not to read the notes from the final session.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

I've thought about trying a mixed medium painting/art piece. Thanks for the suggestion...it's not something I ever considered doing with the notes.

I did a few pieces of art that used progress notes, ER reports, discharge summaries and other medical documents. Cutting out single words and/or paragraphs and incorporating them in the piece can send a powerful message. It is actually quite liberating.

Writing poetry directly on the document is also an idea. I wrote a poem in fancy writing on a page of an Emergency Nursing Flowsheet. It helped convey my message.

[Raging Quiet]

You could make something physically beautiful out of them, so it changes their connotations.

My t does not take notes, I found out yesterday the t that teaches our class also doesn't either :/

[Auntie2014]

I actually had some records that I saved to remind me how I moved from a very dark place to better times. When I found myself sinking a quick review of the file helped me get back on track. That file was destroyed due to a natural disaster. After the files were lost to me I discovered that even though they are gone my memory of using them to pull myself up is enough to pull myself up again.

[anilam]

If you're not sure, how about giving them to your current T for safe keeping till you decide? That way you can't use to put yourself down and still have the option to "save" them for later.
If, for some reason, you don't trust your T not to read them, you can put them in a safe- however, should stg happen to you, they'll be passed down to your relatives (which, for me, would be a deal breaker even though the possibility of that is close to zero)

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by anilam

If you're not sure, how about giving them to your current T for safe keeping till you decide? That way you can't use to put yourself down and still have the option to "save" them for later.
If, for some reason, you don't trust your T not to read them, you can put them in a safe- however, should stg happen to you, they'll be passed down to your relatives (which, for me, would be a deal breaker even though the possibility of that is close to zero)

That is a really good suggestions. I actually asked my current T this when I initially switched therapists because I was just so emotional about the whole event. He didn't want to hold onto them though. I don't remember why.

I mean, I don't think it's healthy for me to have them, so I should just get rid of them. I've never been that kind of person who can stick her feet in the mud and say "You are wrong about X". I'm always considering other people's opinions. I feel like I can't just write off my old therapist and what he thought, even if I think he's wrong and was a douche.

I don't know what to do

[So hopeful]

It's funny, or tragic, how we hold on to things that make us feel miserable. I do it, but in saner moments, I wonder why I think I deserve that kind of punishment.

I say shred the damn papers and stop torturing yourself. You'll be amazed at how good you feel afterwards and will wonder why you didn't do it sooner. And if there are twinges of uncertainty or regret, the papers will be gone and you'll have to move on. The sting will go away in a few days and you probably won't even remember the report in time. Hanging on to stuff gives it an importance it doesn't really have. At least that's been my experience.

I know it's not easy. Most of us are probably in therapy because we can't let go of one thing or another. I suffer a lot with sentimental attachments, but as I've gotten older I've trained myself to be much better about throwing stuff out. It feels amazing - so freed up. Right now I'm trying to drum up the courage to throw out my beloved previous cat's medicine bottles. He died two years ago. When I look at the bottles I feel bad: he hated the medicine and I was devastated by his illness. Why do I want to relive those bad feelings rather than have beautiful reminders around?