Really Upset

Today was my 3rd visit to my new psychiatrist. I didn't realize psychiatrist do therapy when you see a therapist (this is my 3rd psychiatrist and my 2 previous ones just did med management). This psychiatrist was going into detailed questions about my history of sexual abuse (exactly what the abuser did to me, did I do anything to him etc). Why Im not dating now. I have a hard time standing up for myself and answered his questions even though I felt very uncomfortable. I cried as soon as I got to my car. Then 45 minutes later I had my appt with my T. (I cried in my car the entire time until my Ts appt). My T specializes in trauma. She was wonderful. Very supportive. We talked about ways to handle this situation in the future. I got home and cried some more (can't cry in front of my T). I have no appetite so I skipped dinner. I feel like crap. I don't see my T for 9 days now. She told me not to dwell on what happened and to learn from the experience. I just want to crawl into my bed and not get out. I wrote my T an email thanking her for being my T and asking her for an earlier session next week but I know she can't because she's traveling. Thanks for listening.

I am so sorry. That was so terrible of him.

I can understand that feeling.

He was probably just trying to get an idea about your history. These things can be very difficult and leave you feeling very raw when you feel pushed into sharing when you're not ready.

It's good you have a therapist to help you out with the after effects of this. Letting your Pdoc know this information will help you though, in the long run.

Does your therapist communicate with your psychiatrist? That might be something that could also help you, too. Mine sense notes every few months about my progress and then Pdoc has a better understanding of how things are going and what my continuing symptoms are.

((AmandasMom))

This is cold counsel, even if it might be good advice. A little more empathy, please, T.

I don't know if I could ever face him again. Not sure I want to go back there. My T wants me to set boundaries with him. I don't know if I have the nerve to do that. No my T does not speak with my pDoc. I asked her once why and her response was that meds are not her forte and she doesn't know much about them (she's a PSYD).

Those Qs are too personal. Even for taking your history. Please, either find a new PDoc or tell him it's none of his business.

Find a new P-doc for sure if you can. That was WRONG of him to ask those types of questions. Sounds like he has issues. I am so sorry that happened to you.

My T said don't run away and avoid your problems. Go back in there and tell him and set boundaries. I have social anxiety on top of being a people pleaser. I don't think I could do that. I just rather go find a new pdoc. Do you think I'm wrong or should I follow Ts advice but if I get there and can't speak up him will do the same to me next time. Thanks for your input!

I don't know why people are saying to quit on this Pdoc after one bad meeting.

This could be good for Amanda to stick up for herself. Just because things are difficult, doesn't mean we should quit.

Even though my Pdoc has asked hard questions, sometimes I refuse to answer (eg. She knows I've self harmed at times, but I refuse to tell her where, regardless how many times she asks. I just keep saying, "I don't want to say.")

If you can tell your Pdoc - "I need to get to know you a little better first before I go into detail about some things", it would probably go a long way in helping you put up some boundaries. Or you can ask him if he can write down the questions and you could write down the answers with as much or little detail as you want.

Another Pdoc is going to ask you about your history all over again, so I don't see how changing Pdoc's will really help you in the end. You'll eventually have to share or put up boundaries against sharing details at some point. To me, it seems to make more sense that you just go back to this one and say "There are some things I'm not comfortable sharing at this time."

The communication wouldn't be about your T trying to tell your Pdoc about what medication you need, but rather keep each other up to date on how you're doing and what you're continuing issues are that you're working on, so they can help you effectively.

It's basically just information sharing.

Man that sucks I'm about to cry just reading about it. I also have had sexual abuse and would feel invaded if my pdoc talked about in detail.

Definitely set boundaries with him. I hope your feeling better.

Yes the next Pdoc will ask about my history which I'm OK with, I'm not OK a pdoc asking what he did to me and what I was made to do. No pdoc should ask that if I see a trauma experience therapist. The last 2 pdoc's I went to only did med management.

My pdoc, asks questions, not in that much detail, at the same time, this could be a test of assertion skills. I'd feel uncomfortable about a pdoc blindly handing out scripts, without probing for knowledge. It's ok, to say, listen, i am already in counseling and that is where I've built up a trusting relationship and discuss this topic there.

Pdoc jumping, probably won't resolve your not asserting yourself, and expressing comfort and discomfort areas about yourself.

Hope your next visit, goes smoother.

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Here where I live, having your pdoc and T communicating is very important. They make up your 'team' of support.

I believe this is why your pdoc asked so many questions. Because he does not communicate with your T.

He prescribes your medication so he needs to know a lot of things to treat you. If your docs worked together, it ismuch easier for him to figure out what meds you need.

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Here's the latest update. He submitted his bill to my insurance company. He used the code for psychotherapy (same code as my T, but he charges way more than my T). The insurance company came back and said for that code, his rate was unreasonable high and they did not pay the entire bill. I called him up and said, can you also put the code down for pharmacological management since u do that too. His secretary told me no because that's the code she uses for everyone. I asked her to ask pdoc. Not sure if she did. But called me back and say they are not changing the code. I said then tell him I'm not coming back to see him if he can't provide to the insurance company a code for something he does (not asking him to lie). I sent an email to T telling her I'm not going back and can she recommend a pdoc to me. Sent that email 3 hrs ago. I hope she's not mad. She usually responds in a few hours but maybe she will respond tonight. Do u think I'm wrong changing pdoc's due to him being unreasonable and not providing the insurance company an additional code? Thanks!

Okay. Now that you have to find a new pdoc, try to find one in your T's network so they can work together for you. They need to communicate with each other to give you the best service and treatment.

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I am so sorry you had such a terribly uncomfortable interaction with your psychiatrist.

Clinicians should know that talking about abuse is incredibly painful, even if the person is willing to answer all questions and "appears" comfortable on the surface. He should have asked you how you were feeling answering these questions and whether you were okay talking about all this.

Generally, if you have a T, psychiatrists only prescribe meds and don't do therapy. They just track how you are doing on the meds and get an update on symptoms. Unless he plans to do therapy with you, there's no reason he'd want so many details about your abuse.

I think that if you don't want to see him again, it is your right to find someone who makes you feel comfortable.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. That pdoc is the one that sounds unreasonable.

You are likely to get asked detailed questions again. You can choose not to answer or not to go into detail. That's definitely your choice, but fully expect that it will happen again.

I think it's GREAT that he asked you if you were seeing a trauma specialist. He is showing his concern for your well being and to gauge what type of support structure you have. It's better for you Pdoc to know more, not less, so they can do the best they can to help you.

It's too bad about the billing issue. I really hope you weren't looking for a reason to leave because I anticipate you will have to face these same issues with another Pdoc.

I was asked extensive questions in a pre-Pdoc intake evaluation and again later when I was considering therapy associated with my Pdoc's office. They were very direct questions and they requested nitty gritty details. Just be prepared for that.

I hope you find someone who you feel comfortable with and with whom you can put up some boundaries, if you need to.

I thought that the question "Why are you not dating?" was quite inappropriate.

Even my T who is a trauma T does not just come out and ask that type of question so bluntly!!! BIG warning bells ho off for me as a CSA survivor about a male asking for those details. My psych doc is a female and even she is tender with me when asking how my flashbacks are doing at night. She does not say "Well what exactly was the flashback?"
She will just ask me if I was able to get back to sleep ok with my meds. She sometimes asks me if everything is going ok with my trauma therapist. But to me, this is the right level of detail.

Sure, you can learn to draw boundaries with that idiot (to me anyone who is in this field and is that dang careless to ask that and cause so much damage to a client is a bufoon!)... But I think that therapy and doctor offices are supposed to be SAFE for a client. Practicing drawing boundries is good ... but one should not have to do so in that setting.

Sorry for the confusion, the pdoc did NOT ask me if I'm seeing a trauma specialist. I am telling everyone in this community that. I saw 2 other pdocs. I was never asked details about what was done to me or what I did. My T who is a trauma specialist never asked me that so why does a pdoc need to know?

This has happened to me when I was interviewing therapist. A simply "history" became a re-traumatizing event. In one way it was my fault because my pdoc told me beforehand that I did NOT have to answer any question I was not comfortable with. However the problem with that is I didn't know how uncomfortable I was until that night when I started waking up having panic attacks. There were things I discussed that I have never discussed with any human being, so bringing them suddenly to the "front" of my memories was horrible.

I feel for you.

I think that the approach was definitely a little insensitive, but asking you what happened isn't outside the range of normalcy for someone who is trying to diagnose you.

Having a diagnosis helps you treatment wise.

To me, without information, it'd be like going to your family doctor and saying, I have a headache, please give me meds. Well, how did you get that headache? Were you just in a car accident? Have you changed jobs and now work long hours at a computer? When is the last time you had your eyes checked?

Does that make more sense?