Can therapy and the therapeutic relationship work without attachment to t ?

I bolded the part of your post that caught my eye. I don't see that description as healthy, secure attachment. The question probably is: are you capable of developing a healthy, secure attachment with a therapist? That may not be within your skill-set right now; I don't know. In fact, just thinking you must worry and fight the "attachment" is probably a strong indicator that you won't have much success in avoiding some sort of attachment issues, even if in a very negative way, because you are placing so much emphasis on it. It's like saying "I won't think about cows; I won't think about cows." You're going to think about cows.

Your description of what you "want" (teflon) from the therapy relationship is also not realistic. Parts of it are, but all of it? Probably not.

I've never liked the word "attachment" much. I never heard it used in this context until I came to PC. To me, an attachment is a device I put on my vacuum cleaner when I need to clean between the seat cushions, OR it is the kind of almost sacred bond that exists between parent and child. My therapist is not a vacuum cleaner, and I certainly don't have that kind of parent/child dynamic either.

I prefer to say that my T and I are quite compatible. We get along well. He "gets" me and my issues. I do think about our sessions some between them, but I don't obsess over them. I have no problem missing a session now and then for vacations, etc., but it is nice to get back and talk when he's back. I do call him when I am in a crisis; I'd detest calling some crisis team. Yuck! But I don't call him when I'm not in crisis. When he retires in the next few years, I will be sad because we've shared a great deal over the years, but I will be able to move on.

It isn't about teflon. It is just about growing a healthy, trusting relationship based in the reality of the circumstance. You can have a healthy relationship and be able to manage your feelings and actions, manage separations, and manage the inevitable end of that relationship. No one's therapy relationship is going to last forever. Someone is going to move or retire or heal or something eventually. You can't teflon your way out of relationships in life. Well, I suppose you could, but what a sad existence that would be.

I understand , what you are saying, i do have a problem with attachment which surges from childhood, and I am afraid of it, maybe, its something i should confront in therapy as a goal to work on with the t, but its another goal, I mean I dont know whether I can mix csa and attachment together in one goal.

You can have more than one goal in therapy. You can work on attachment first and then go to CSA, or you can do it the other way around.

You have a secure attachment to Mr. T then. You don't doubt him or run from him or anything like that. You are attached, though.

I want to be like teflon.

I asked two therapists this. " Can we do therapy without the whole attachment thing?"

They both kinda laughed and said nope. It was then i knew i was screwed!

Yeah I guess so, they are both very sensitive subjects, as for right now I have prepared a sort of " get to know me packet" which includes:

Likes
dislikes
spouse name
siblings names
what trauma words not to say in session
what body parts not to say
I hate silences
ect..
this way it will cut some of the questioning down.

I bolded the part of your post that caught my eye. I don't see that description as healthy, secure attachment. The question probably is: are you capable of developing a healthy, secure attachment with a therapist? That may not be within your skill-set right now; I don't know. In fact, just thinking you must worry and fight the "attachment" is probably a strong indicator that you won't have much success in avoiding some sort of attachment issues, even if in a very negative way, because you are placing so much emphasis on it. It's like saying "I won't think about cows; I won't think about cows." You're going to think about cows.

Your description of what you "want" (teflon) from the therapy relationship is also not realistic. Parts of it are, but all of it? Probably not.

I've never liked the word "attachment" much. I never heard it used in this context until I came to PC. To me, an attachment is a device I put on my vacuum cleaner when I need to clean between the seat cushions, OR it is the kind of almost sacred bond that exists between parent and child. My therapist is not a vacuum cleaner, and I certainly don't have that kind of parent/child dynamic either.

I prefer to say that my T and I are quite compatible. We get along well. He "gets" me and my issues. I do think about our sessions some between them, but I don't obsess over them. I have no problem missing a session now and then for vacations, etc., but it is nice to get back and talk when he's back. I do call him when I am in a crisis; I'd detest calling some crisis team. Yuck! But I don't call him when I'm not in crisis. When he retires in the next few years, I will be sad because we've shared a great deal over the years, but I will be able to move on.

It isn't about teflon. It is just about growing a healthy, trusting relationship based in the reality of the circumstance. You can have a healthy relationship and be able to manage your feelings and actions, manage separations, and manage the inevitable end of that relationship. No one's therapy relationship is going to last forever. Someone is going to move or retire or heal or something eventually. You can't teflon your way out of relationships in life. Well, I suppose you could, but what a sad existence that would be.

Sweepy - losing a therapist before you are ready is very painful. I'm so sorry you went through that.

When we go through painful experiences, it is normal to want to avoid going through it again. Focusing on how to prevent the same thing from happening again in the future can bring back a sense of control and help keep the feelings of pain/grief away from us. I do this all of the time.

You had no control over your therapist leaving. Maybe your determination to avoid attachment in the future is a way to regain control?

Early in my therapy, I emailed my t once because I needed to know she was still there. It was the first time I had reached out in that way. She didn't respond. I reacted by deciding that I was never ever going to email her again for any reason, and many years later I still haven't! I never talked about it with my therapist, I just closed it all off. The problem is - now I have a hard spot there where the pain was, like scar tissue that didn't heal right. Looking back, maybe closing myself off wasn't in my best interest. Maybe I've missed out in my therapy by not allowing myself between-session contact that might have helped me. Maybe I should have admitted it hurt instead and worked on that?

I think I'm seeing the same pattern here. I recognize the Teflon mode! I'm wondering, do you have any plans to talk to this therapist about how much it hurt to be attached to a therapist who left you? Maybe your new therapist can help you grieve? Is missing out on future attachment really what you want? Maybe hardening yourself to attachment with caring others is not in your best interest? Doing therapy without attachment may be a valid option, but if you do, what would you lose?

Turtle

What? Attachment? I just had my first therapy session last week and go again this Friday. This has me concerned. I don't get attached to people with whom I have a professional relationship. That would be completely foreign to me. I barely even make friends (just don't care to). It takes me YEARS to trust a person enough to get attached to them! Now I'm a little worried...

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What? Attachment? I just had my first therapy session last week and go again this Friday. This has me concerned. I don't get attached to people with whom I have a professional relationship. That would be completely foreign to me. I barely even make friends (just don't care to). It takes me YEARS to trust a person enough to get attached to them! Now I'm a little worried...

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