I hate it when sessions end. Especially when I have finally brought myself to a point where I can talk about some really difficult thing that I need to talk about, and suddenly T goes "ok, I'll see you next time". Today he actually went over a couple of minutes, which virtually never happens, so he really tried to accommodate my need to talk about the topic we were on. But the session had to end all the same, and I hate that.

I'm not saying that I would like to be in my T's office all the time, just that 45 minutes is a bit too short. (And no, double sessions are not an option. I do get two sessions a week, however.)

No real point to this post except to vent. The parameters are what they are.

[CantExplain]

((Mastodon))

[Mactastic]

I really understand! How nice to have 2 sessions, though. Why is it you can afford 2 sessions but not one double? Confused by that.

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[granite1]

((mast)) great job getting yourself to the point of being able to talk about something that is really hard for you. I bet having to leave is very frustrating. for me I would worry that I would not be able to bring it up again

Originally Posted by Mactastic

I really understand! How nice to have 2 sessions, though. Why is it you can afford 2 sessions but not one double? Confused by that.

It's not a matter of money. My T is employed by the county so I only have to pay for about four sessions per year, the rest is paid for by my tax money. (Except when I cancel - then I have to pay, which I only found out last week....) But I can't take more time off than I already do for therapy, and I don't want to go back to waiting a week between sessions, if it were possible for me to get one double session instead of two singles - and I doubt my T does double sessions in any case.

It is great to get two sessions per week, I'm really lucky. And I hope I can get back to where we left off, when I see T on Thursday.

[someone321]

With my previous T I had two sessions per week and I thought that I wouldn't survive if I had it only once per week But now I actually have it once per week and it is somehow easier to go back to my daily routine between sessions - but that's me. from your post I understand that you have already had sessions once per week and it was not good for you, have you also already had 90 min session? Maybe it would be much more efficient than 45 min and it would be easier to wait the whole week till the next session...

What also works for me is that I "control" the time, I look at the clock at T's office very often, so I somehow know when I have to start talking about something important before it's too late and usually few minutes before the end I stop talking about difficult stuff - to not get disappointed when T says "that's it, see you next week"...

Originally Posted by someone321

With my previous T I had two sessions per week and I thought that I wouldn't survive if I had it only once per week But now I actually have it once per week and it is somehow easier to go back to my daily routine between sessions - but that's me. from your post I understand that you have already had sessions once per week and it was not good for you, have you also already had 90 min session? Maybe it would be much more efficient than 45 min and it would be easier to wait the whole week till the next session...

It's a good point, but I think it is better for me to see T twice a week. I had weekly sessions for about three months; T asked me after about a month whether I would find it useful to come twice a week instead, and a couple of months later he had a regular slot on another day. It still feels like a long time between Thursday and Tuesday, but it's nowhere as difficult as it was before. I also get two days when I have T tomorrow, but there's only one day in the week when I'll have seen T the day before and have several days until I see him again.

Originally Posted by someone321

What also works for me is that I "control" the time, I look at the clock at T's office very often, so I somehow know when I have to start talking about something important before it's too late and usually few minutes before the end I stop talking about difficult stuff - to not get disappointed when T says "that's it, see you next week"...

Yes... I try not to look at my watch or T's clock, because then I will spend too much of the actual session thinking about the moment when I have to leave.

I'll ask T to help me pick up where we left off today, when I see him on Thursday.

[grimtopaz]

It's incredibly frustrating when you feel you are about to open up/reveal something important and session is up. It's also often frustrating for the therapist, but they rarely go overtime since they have to "hold the therapeutic frame" (maintain time boundaries).

Experienced therapists are trained to "whine down" the intense topics toward the end of the therapeutic hour. However, this is not always achieved.

My T. has a clock facing her and a clock facing the patient. I find this very helpful because I can look at the time and decide whether to bring something up or not. It's not a perfect strategy, but it prevents me from losing track of time and bringing up something that needs "processing" at the end of session.

Perhaps you could check the time during session, or ask the T. to give you a 10 minute warning.

[CantExplain]

SPECULATION:

There are two possible explanations for this:
a) It takes 45 minutes for you to warm up.
b) The approaching end off the session spurs you into action.

If (a) is true, maybe sessions should be longer, so you'll spend more of the time warmed up.
If (b) is true, maybe sessions should be shorter, so you'll spend less of your time waiting for the final spurt.

[Hoppery]

I have this same problem although I am very lucky that A. goes over the time a little more then he should! But he still does it anyway and he lets me have 10 minutes or so, to think about what was said and to add whatever I want to add in.

I see A. once every three weeks as he is a NHS mental health nurse specialist, so is very very busy. I am probably lucky he even does this!

[Aloneandafraid]

I feel exactly the same. My T hardly ever goes over - maybe 5 minutes max. I too always seem to get to something really important (for me) just as she glances at the clock which faces her (the only one in the room) and says we have to stop now. I dread those words! I just want to stay in the safety and calm of the room for a few minutes longer but i pay her and say thank you and we leave the room. Every week I long to ask her if I could ask her for a hug but I just can't bring myself to as I'm sure she would say no and I would be devastated. I just wish there was a handshake or a pat on my shoulder - anything would be much appreciated! I always feel so emotionally fragile when I leave the building. I don't know what I did before T! I wish she would be a bit more relaxed with her boundaries re time - actually boundaries in general! But I still adore her and think she is amazing! I am so lucky to have her in my life. I feel a bit embarrassed typing this!

[Wandering Pony]

I told my T I had trouble with ending. Now we have a routine that starts about 10 minutes before the end of my time. She signals the amount of time left and we start to wind down the conversation. We do some grounding exercises. It really helps me .
I wish I could have longer sessions bc I often feel like I am just getting to the deep stuff and we are out of time.i don't know if longer sessions are possible for you. My T isn't keen on them and would rather see me several times a week vs giving me a longer session

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[purplemystery]

I hate ending too. I always know it's coming fairly soon, but I can't see a clock in the room, so it's always a little disappointing when my T actually says it. I get a sinking, hurt feeling. And I'm sad that I have to wait a whole week until I can see her again. Even on the day of my session, I'm already thinking to myself "I'm so lucky. But soon it will be all over, and I won't be this fortunate to be so close to seeing my T again for a whole week."

I remember one time when I glanced at my watch, noticed that I only had about seven minutes, and said "I don't think I should bring up a new subject now", and T replied that he thought I should, because every minute counts and a lot can be done in seven minutes. Which is true, of course, and I remember that that session was good and ended well.

Thanks for being supportive and for sharing your thoughts, people. It means a lot to me.

[Freewilled]

I think I hate ending with T, too. I think for me it is so hated that I have denied it /: the very first time my T went over I freaked out! I told him please do not go over. Going over scares me.....I think I want to control it all.

Let's face it - Ts have so much of the control. For me, it feels terrifying. He can decide to end it whenever or however. Sure, I can too. But it affects me so much more since I come to see T because I need help. It just doesn't seem very fair to me....

[Bill3]

I remember one time when I glanced at my watch, noticed that I only had about seven minutes, and said "I don't think I should bring up a new subject now", and T replied that he thought I should, because every minute counts and a lot can be done in seven minutes. Which is true, of course, and I remember that that session was good and ended well.

What would you think of some sort of system (as suggested by Wandering Pony), e.g T or alarm feature of phone, that would notify you when there is, say, 10 minutes left in session?

Originally Posted by Bill3

What would you think of some sort of system (as suggested by Wandering Pony), e.g T or alarm feature of phone, that would notify you when there is, say, 10 minutes left in session?

I appreciate the suggestion, but I think that would be stressful, and I am pretty certain that my T would not agree to doing anything like that in any case. I can sometimes hear the bells from a nearby church striking the quarters, and the half-hour bell is five minutes before my time is up, so I sometimes get a five-minute warning, which makes me more tense, more often than not.