[JustMeMyselfAndI]

I always run through past experiences before I can even try to sleep.. and they usually tell me about how I am feeling in the present. i'm not sure if these are classed as 'flashbacks' or what! Anyway..

In my mind the other night I came across an incident I haven't thought about in maybe 2 years. It was me expressing to my Mum how I felt - in tears/anger and then her physically assaulting me for it. (I was i think 15/16years old - i'm 20 now)

I then remembered that there is a recording of this one incident. - Your probably thinking why do you have a recording... well, when my father was abusive, my mum used to get my younger brother and I to record him so she could use it in court/ for social workers etc against him - So i guess it just became the norm for my brother and I to record things if we felt unsafe. I guess proof or something.

It's not that bad (well not to me, but that just could be me). The question is: do you think I should let T listen to it? It's only like 2/3mins long. I know she understands me, but maybe this will help a little more with understanding why I can't express sadness and come across as confident/happy me? It might help me to stop dwelling on it and listening to it too, if I let her...

But then i'm sacred of it 'bringing us closer' and 'forming a connection' - her understanding me more - I'm afraid of this whole maternal transference thing I experienced with my teacher who then left me like everyone else.

I cringe when I think about showing her the recording, but I feel maybe I should?

Anybody ever had an experience with this or any advice?

Would be appreciated! Thanks

[HazelGirl]

I think it would be a good idea. But it might trigger you and cause you to remember a lot of terrible things you might have pushed out of your mind. But I do think it would be beneficial to her if you let her listen to it.

[Rapunzel]

I think that letting her listen is a good idea. I imagine she would validate your experience and help you to move towards putting it to rest if you are ready to.

[nottrustin]

I would mention to her that you have the recording and discuss it. Talk to her about your fears and such then decide what the best move is....I wouldn't be surprised if she also recommended when you guys are done with it that you destroy the recording.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by JustMeMyselfAndI

I always run through past experiences before I can even try to sleep.. and they usually tell me about how I am feeling in the present. i'm not sure if these are classed as 'flashbacks' or what! Anyway..

In my mind the other night I came across an incident I haven't thought about in maybe 2 years. It was me expressing to my Mum how I felt - in tears/anger and then her physically assaulting me for it. (I was i think 15/16years old - i'm 20 now)

I then remembered that there is a recording of this one incident. - Your probably thinking why do you have a recording... well, when my father was abusive, my mum used to get my younger brother and I to record him so she could use it in court/ for social workers etc against him - So i guess it just became the norm for my brother and I to record things if we felt unsafe. I guess proof or something.

It's not that bad (well not to me, but that just could be me). The question is: do you think I should let T listen to it? It's only like 2/3mins long. I know she understands me, but maybe this will help a little more with understanding why I can't express sadness and come across as confident/happy me? It might help me to stop dwelling on it and listening to it too, if I let her...

But then i'm sacred of it 'bringing us closer' and 'forming a connection' - her understanding me more - I'm afraid of this whole maternal transference thing I experienced with my teacher who then left me like everyone else.

I cringe when I think about showing her the recording, but I feel maybe I should?

Anybody ever had an experience with this or any advice?

Would be appreciated! Thanks

Do what you feel will help you and what is right for you to heal. If it will help you to have someone help carry that burden and understand it on a deeper level, you should definitely go for it. On the other hand, if you don't think it would matter either way, it may be better to let it be- as another poster said, it could be triggering to take it to that level.
Just weigh the costs and benefits.

[leomama]

I think that's what a therapist is for so I'd definitely encourage you to let her listen to it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[CameraObscura]

I'd be scared witless, and feel vulnerable and exposed if I had a recording to play for my T...which means it would probably be therapeutic for me to share it. I've found that the more afraid I am of something in T, the deeper the issue the fear is shielding.

I'd have to talk to my T about it first, because I would also want to know my T was really okay hearing it, and to see if he had any tools or supports he wanted me to have in place before we listened to it.

Do what you feel is right for you.

[jacq10]

Not sure if I'm way off the mark, but have you pressed charges against your mother for this (or other) incidents? If not, wouldn't your T be legally obligated to report this? Especially if she has listened to it herself (as opposed to it being hear-say).

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, but I would just make sure you check what T's in your area are legally required to report. In my location, this is one of the areas where T's ARE allowed to break confidentiality and are mandated to report.

I don't know what I would do, but the OP is 20 so I don't see why this would be reportable.

[jacq10]

Because it happened when she was a child...

Once you're an adult what happened when you were a child isn't reportable under most circumstances. Otherwise every incident of childhood abuse people tell their therapists would have to be reported. Who would you report it too? The police aren't going to do anything.

[2or3things]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

Once you're an adult what happened when you were a child isn't reportable under most circumstances. Otherwise every incident of childhood abuse people tell their therapists would have to be reported. Who would you report it too? The police aren't going to do anything.

I don't believe this is accurate, at least not in all places.

In my own experience, when I was well into adulthood and going through the process to adopt a child, at the 11th hour--the baby had already been placed with us--someone from the adoption agency called to say that because they were aware of CSA I went through as a child, they'd have to report it since it hadn't ever been reported before.

In my case I lucked out because I was adopting in a different state than the state where the child was born/where the agency was located, and they follow the rules of the state where the child is being placed. However, it would have been reported otherwise.

[jacq10]

I'm just saying it's something to look into. I know for a fact that at least in my location, psychologists or any "helping professional" has a duty to report if a child has been abused. This incident occurred when she was a child, and so the same thing applies. And really.. it was not that long ago.

Hearing someone talk about abuse and physically listening to the abuse occur are two very different things. I'm just saying be cautious...

If there is another child involved, like an adoption or a younger sibling who could possibly be abused, yes. Most people wouldn't disclose child abuse if they knew it were going to be reported would they? And it probably varies from country to country.

And the system is so full of child abuse already that they're not going to be able to do much with an adult who was abused.

[2or3things]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

If there is another child involved, like an adoption or a younger sibling who could possibly be abused, yes. Most people wouldn't disclose child abuse if they knew it were going to be reported would they? And it probably varies from country to country.

And the system is so full of child abuse already that they're not going to be able to do much with an adult who was abused.

I'm sure it varies from country to country. But no, the mandatory reporting thing isn't only triggered by things where another child is involved. It can happen anytime someone is a mandatory reporter. (In fact, during the situation I mentioned above, the adoption agency suggested I check with my original T to see if she'd ever reported it. She answered that she hadn't because she wasn't a mandatory reporter at the time.)

I think you're right that not all reported incidents from decades before will be pursued in any significant way. At the very least, though, they'll be down on paper somewhere, which might be important if additional/more recent activity is reported. In the end, just because there aren't any/anymore minor children in an abuser's home doesn't mean s/he won't find a target elsewhere.

I'm with Jacq...definitely best to figure out whether T is a mandatory reporter or not before s/he needs to go down the reporting path against your will. Maybe nothing would happen, but who needs the stress of worrying about whether or not it will if that's a concern for you?

I've been a mandated reporter. I listened to dozens of people talk about past abuse. I never felt compelled or was required to report anything.

[JustMeMyselfAndI]

Hey

Thank you for all your replies. I never thought about the whole T 'reporting' thing.

No, it was never reported. I ended up living with my teacher and my brother and I were already of the CP register.. and had social workers etc..so nothing would have changed if I reported it anyway.

As always, i think discussing all the above points with T would be best - especially the reporting thing.. as yes my brother does live with our Mum. However, their relationship is different (in a good way) and I wouldn't want to sabotage that!