[Canyon]

First off I must say that I'm not a person who follows astrology or checks my horoscope.

I just went to my Yahoo home page to check my emails. The first thing that caught my eyes were the first 3 words of my horoscope for the day: "defy expectations today". The horoscope in it's entirety was:

Defy expectations today -- it's easy! All you have to do is take one step away from your routines and people are sure to pay attention. Once you're front and center, say what's on your mind.

I realized at that moment one of the things that I have been incorrect about in my approach in therapy sessions. I have gotten in the routine of just sitting there and basically listening to my therapist talk about different things that I'm sure he thought would be helpful at the moment. I basically never speak except in response to a question. That has been the therapeutic relationship for 3 years now. I always leave disappointed that I didn't talk about what was really bothering me at the time, and when I did I felt like I was not being understood.

I think maybe after a T has seen a person act in a certain way/ say certain things for such a period of time, the actions/words begin to lose their importance. I think my silence has sort of become that way. He now just sees it as "the way that she is" and not that I'm in any kind of distress.

I think when I see him again tomorrow I'm going to try a different approach. From the minute I walk into his office, I'm going to be really assertive and say "okay, I really need to talk today". I think if I'm able to get up the courage to do that he will definitely see that how I'm feeling is really serious. If he doesn't react accordingly, I think I will know that he might not be the T for me.

Not sure why I'm posting this. Just thought that someone else might find some value in it.

[unaluna]

Youre not by any chance aquarius are you?? 3 years in with my current t, i changed my approach too. Its a real turning point. In my case, i quit yelling at him and started listening to him more - in both our cases, it sounds like we're going from monologue to a true dialogue.

[Canyon]

Originally Posted by hankster

Youre not by any chance aquarius are you?? 3 years in with my current t, i changed my approach too. Its a real turning point. In my case, i quit yelling at him and started listening to him more - in both our cases, it sounds like we're going from monologue to a true dialogue.

I'm a virgo.

I really think that if I can just stick to the plan and really tell him I need to be the one to talk, he will respond accordingly. Like the old saying, "you teach people how to treat you". I think I just taught him that I'm gonna sit there like a lump on a log and he might as well try to impart some wisdom.

A dialogue in therapy really sounds nice.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Canyon

I'm a virgo.

I really think that if I can just stick to the plan and really tell him I need to be the one to talk, he will respond accordingly. Like the old saying, "you teach people how to treat you". I think I just taught him that I'm gonna sit there like a lump on a log and he might as well try to impart some wisdom.

A dialogue in therapy really sounds nice.

I think he will respond. I used to tell my t that i felt like he had no preconceived notion of who i was when i came in - so i was free to go whichever way i want. Which was also a nice way of saying he didnt remember stuff! it seems like you havent felt pressured by him, but that he just gave you space to be? And now your need asserts itself.