T not keeping word

Has your T ever said they would call you and didn't? How did you handle this?

We just had a miscommunication about a chat session tonight actually. I waited for a couple hours for a session that never started. I emailed her honestly that I was feeling upset, unsure if I wanted to stick with our regular session tomorrow, and she explained her perception and said she was sorry I was upset but she really wanted to meet tomorrow. We reviewed our communication and found it was really just an honest mixup on both sides. I do find it very important for my progress in therapy and in order to trust her that I tell her how I feel about these letdowns.

We do have the occasional miscommunication. I used to be much more upset by them and feel even more rejected/unimportant/let down/angry. It is unpleasant still, but as I've gotten more used to working with her and trust her a lot, it's much easier.

Have you been seeing this T long? Has this happened before?

I've been seeing T for about 10 months, has always done what they have said before. We had a very rough session last week and haven't seen or spoken to T since. But they said they would call regarding session bookings- haven't heard anything.

That could very easily be an oversight on their part or a small miscommunication, and I very much doubt it is anything personal. I hope you will contact your therapist for the booking and when you have another session tell them how you feel and what you need to make this right. It is important the therapist try and be accountable to you and reliable.

Thanks Leah! It is so easy to end up with miscommunication isn't it? Do you openly talk with your T if you feel upset by their actions, or non action?

Yes, it is too easy to have miscommunications, especially with therapists where we are opening ourselves up emotionally and feel vulnerable more than like with a dentist or something.

I do always talk openly with her if I am upset about something in our relationship, yes. However, I have been seeing her for one year and it is still not too easy. At first, I was very afraid to, but she invited me to, told me she wanted to know, appreciated my honesty and was very understanding.

It's gotten easier over time. Tonight, with our miscommunication, I told her and sorted it out in record time. I really appreciate that she doesn't get upset typically when I am upset... she can empathize and take my feedback without getting defensive (usually) and validates my perceptions. It's not perfect, but very good.

P.S. To avoid sounding like I've got it all figured out, let me add, the reality sometimes is that I do snap at her, get defensive, tell her I want to cancel a session, etc. because I do find it very hard not to take things personally or to think we are not on the same page about anything.

Yes, my t has done this.

In the end I emailed her to clarify what was happening.

Just call your T. They're human. They forget sometimes. It isn't a comment on you. Pick up the phone. The phone lines run both ways.

She never missed a call, but I had called her twice with no response the same day. Totally unusual for her. It turned out both times her internet was out and it in turn knocked her phone out. One of those times she didn't know her phone was out. She was away for the day and she thought, because she notified clients in advance they just didn't call. The first time I was convinced she was dead or she just hated me so much that she wouldn't respond to me. The second time she just hated me, until I slowly realized it could be equipment failure on her end. The same thing that happens to me. Wow! She's human. Everything was dead, including her private line. She has no cell.

I hope that call comes through soon for you and/or you call her again.

recently, i called the new t, and she always returned calls, this time she did not, which i didnt care because i have no relationship set with her yet, but its a part of building a relationship, so i did wonder, because she is consistant with it, so the following morning, she called me apologizing, that the previous day she was in meetings all day. So you should address it, openness and honesty is part of that relationship, whatever bothers you , you should address it, no matter how minimal it is, trust me.

It seems that my LCT therapist is doing this all of the time. I have learned that he has ADD and really just forgets things all of the time. I have come to not take it personally because I know that it is not about me or my importance but about his ADD.

I think you will feel better if you contact your T rather than allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by feelings that she just doesn't care. More often than not it is just about them being busy or forgetting.

Thanks everyone. I did contact T via email and they replied. Got clarity and information. It's amazing how our thoughts turn on us - T hasn't contacted me, she mustn't like me or want to see me.

So pleased all sorted out satisfactorily. I do this all the time with friends and T. I wish I could stop it but it just goes on and on. I wonder where this all stems from?

I do it with others too. I think for me it's trusting others. I don't trust others to do what they say; so when they are only human and have one time where they don't follow through (even though they may have followed through 100 times before) I take it personally like it's me. Ugh. Then the mind starts with the told you so comments.

Sounds like this is pretty natural. T will tell me if she is going out of town that she will have her laptop so I can contact her but it may take a while to respond. One time I sent her an email and she didn't respond the same day. Turned out she was late getting started and by the time she reached her destination it was 11pm...went to bed and never checked her email.

Another time she was sick with what she thought was her lactose intolerance and had to cancel our Friday appointment but told me she would be home all weekend and feel fee to email her...I emailed her on Saturday. I never heard from her until Tuesday..I feared she was mad.. Turns out she really had the flu and was sicker than a dog all weekend and never got out of bed to check email