I am better...

WikidPissah · Feb 28, 2014, 07:23 PM

In August 2012 I went into a 2 week residential trauma program (with a lot of support from some people here)...when I got out I wrote the following:
I have put in red the things I still know or have accomplished.
Although I stopped therapy a year ago, I think that was the best decision for me, and made a huge improvement in my life.
I just thought I'd share...

Quote:

Hi all. For those who don't know, I spent the last two weeks in a residential trauma program with 7 other women. We didn't focus on actual trauma, but reducing the symptoms of PTSD. It was good for me since I have isolated myself off from the real world for the past few years. I had 4 groups a day, including Sat/Sun, and half hour t appointments daily, as well as several psychiatric consults. Here's my take away.

1 – I am not totally unlikable.
2 – I need to process the mastectomy with a female t
3 – I can handle one on one with a female who is age 35-50, but no older.
4 – My PTSD symptoms are not freaky or weird. (many other woman have the same thoughts)
5 – I am not a virus, the ickiness I feel won’t rub off on others
6 – Group therapy isn’t that bad
7 – I don’t have to go in depth about my trauma history, ever.
8 – EMDR would not be good for me.
9 – DBT is not a good fit.
10 – I need structure in my life, and should stick to a daily schedule
11 – I have body dysmorphic disorder. (not social anxiety disorder, not agoraphobia)
12 – I cannot save the earth single-handedly, nor is it my responsibility to protect and care for every creature I meet. (still working on this one)
13 – I should meet with current t and ask for a referral to a female t at least temporarily. (I dumped him right after this post)

New Therapy Goals:
1 – Manage my obsessive thoughts/stop rituals around checking my physical flaws.
2 – Stop thinking that everyone dislikes me.
3 – Acknowledge my feelings/fears about the cancer
4 – Stop isolating and go out in public at least once per day.
5 – Change careers. (I now work with animals way more than I do accounting)

The big thing that came from this is that I realized T makes me worse, way worse. The week to week stress was killing me. I read this now and I am so freaking glad that I went to that program.

It is cool that we can go back in time and read old threads and see how far we've come, isn't it?

Leah123 · Feb 28, 2014, 07:36 PM

That is truly awesome, congratulations to you and thanks for sharing! I just started a thread like this a few days ago and hoped a lot of people would share. It's SO easy to obsess about what's wrong, and I agree, even though I'm in therapy, that the problem with therapy can be that week to week stress, being agitated a lot by the process, so I think it's doubly important to talk about success and goals, and progress toward them even though we may never feel 100% perfect (who is!) !

RTerroni · Feb 28, 2014, 07:42 PM

It is great to hear that you are doing better.

velcro003 · Feb 28, 2014, 07:47 PM

Oh wow, HOW AWESOME! I never saw that thread, or if I did, I don't remember it. Amazing insight you have on yourself, and also amazing all the things you have accomplished.

ListenMoreTalkLess · Feb 28, 2014, 08:05 PM

I think that at times, therapy happens when you are out of session, certainly including after it is over. I think what's great about your story is that you figured out what works for you and followed that, even if it isn't what might help someone else or even the majority of people. Making a conscious, intentional choice about how to live your life is what functioning living is all about, IMO.

granite1 · Feb 28, 2014, 08:06 PM

wiki you have come so far and have amazing self worth, strength. what more can i say .i love you bunches

Feb 28, 2014, 08:22 PM

Do you think therapy in general makes you worse, or a particular therapist?

I have been sincerely thinking that therapy actually made me much worse, but I wonder if I'm rationalizing losing my therapist by telling myself that. I'm not saying that you do that AT ALL. It's just that not many people come right out and say therapy made them worse.

I hope this makes sense.

growlycat · Feb 28, 2014, 09:50 PM

You have accomplished so much on your list. And I can relate to one you are still working on--group therapy. I have always been irritated by group therapy because oner or two people always seem to "take over" the group and I think T's are reluctant to step in--they want the group to self-police or something.

What are your thoughts on group therapy? On the one hand, you sound successful at the trauma program you completed yet you don't have group highlighted as an accomplishment?

stopdog · Feb 28, 2014, 10:46 PM

I am glad so much of it is positive.

I am a tad worried about your age range of women as I may be outside the range of acceptability - if not now then very very soon.

Mar 01, 2014, 07:36 AM

That's awesome, wikid.

It's a really good idea to go back and read old posts. I find it helps me tremendously.

WikidPissah · Mar 01, 2014, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah123

That is truly awesome, congratulations to you and thanks for sharing! I just started a thread like this a few days ago and hoped a lot of people would share. It's SO easy to obsess about what's wrong, and I agree, even though I'm in therapy, that the problem with therapy can be that week to week stress, being agitated a lot by the process, so I think it's doubly important to talk about success and goals, and progress toward them even though we may never feel 100% perfect (who is!) !

Yea, it is easy to obsess about how bad things are, and no, I doubt 100% is possible!

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTerroni

It is great to hear that you are doing better.

Thanks RT

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

Oh wow, HOW AWESOME! I never saw that thread, or if I did, I don't remember it. Amazing insight you have on yourself, and also amazing all the things you have accomplished.

Thanks velcro

Quote:

Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess

I think that at times, therapy happens when you are out of session, certainly including after it is over. I think what's great about your story is that you figured out what works for you and followed that, even if it isn't what might help someone else or even the majority of people. Making a conscious, intentional choice about how to live your life is what functioning living is all about, IMO.

It was a conscious choice LMTL, thank you for pointing that out. I knew things needed to change drastically, and I am so freakin surprised that they did! lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

wiki you have come so far and have amazing self worth, strength. what more can i say .i love you bunches

right back at ya.

Quote:

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

Do you think therapy in general makes you worse, or a particular therapist?

I have been sincerely thinking that therapy actually made me much worse, but I wonder if I'm rationalizing losing my therapist by telling myself that. I'm not saying that you do that AT ALL. It's just that not many people come right out and say therapy made them worse.

I hope this makes sense.

It's a fine line I guess, but yea, Therapy was making me crazy! It was a few T's a couple of good ones, a few bad ones...but all in all it was escalating things. Some people (read ME) can't talk about trauma without making their symptoms way worse. My life is really manageable without T...no self harm, very few suicidal thoughts, I get out more, I have found people I am comfortable being around, and I actually have a life for the first time in years.

Quote:

Originally Posted by growlycat

You have accomplished so much on your list. And I can relate to one you are still working on--group therapy. I have always been irritated by group therapy because oner or two people always seem to "take over" the group and I think T's are reluctant to step in--they want the group to self-police or something.

What are your thoughts on group therapy? On the one hand, you sound successful at the trauma program you completed yet you don't have group highlighted as an accomplishment?

You know...the program helped because it was a limited time. I have tried a cancer survivors group (which is what was recommended) and I hated it. I just am not the complaining type, and listening to people "bi tch" about what happened to them years ago really bugged me. (BUGGED ME, not anyone else) I am the type of person who needs to move on, and I give a lot of credit to people who can work thru stuff like that, it's just not for me)

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am glad so much of it is positive.

I am a tad worried about your age range of women as I may be outside the range of acceptability - if not now then very very soon.

Yea...I am about to be out of that age range myself! Looks like I'll have to trash the mirrors! I am sure that range will change as I change...there is a woman who I really admire at the clinic and get along well with and she's near 60

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mastodon

That's awesome, wikid.

It's a really good idea to go back and read old posts. I find it helps me tremendously.

it is good...but sometimes embarrassing too! I read an old post of mine and though OMG, I can't believe I wrote that!

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