I was talking to T how I had felt over the wkend. How as much as I hated to say the words 'I felt no one likes me', that's how I had felt. I said I feel like a young child not a woman.
Than I said how as abusive as my adopted mother was, we had a rhyme. I can't find that rhyme with others.
T untangled those 2 statements and said 'the undercurrent relationship with your mother was one of hatred towards you.
Yes you had a rhyme with her, but it wasn't one that gave you anything positive you could take and use in other relationships.
So I said, you mean when I feel this self hatred, feel like no one likes me, it's happening in my head and because it's not actually happening, I feel out of touch with everyone because theyre not my mother so the 'dance' we had can't be recreated with others.
T said "yes, and you've lived with that duality for so many years now"
When I got home it all begun to become clear in my mind.
T also said "all that hatred your mother projected onto you isn't going on in your relationships today'

It was that statement T said that separated the then from the now "other people don't have that going on" - it gave my mothers hatred back to her. It was her stuff going on!

[Freewilled]

I can definitely relate to what you're saying here....my T has told me before that it's like I have a bond with my parents that affects my life. They feel one way, I feel the same. I don't know what to do about it though. He said something about it being intrapsychic or something like that (?) How do you know that all the other relationships aren't the same? Not trying to cast doubt, but I have trouble seeing clearly....if all my relationships (not that I have many but still) are not at all like I have been viewing them....well that just blows my mind

I know now my relationships don't have that same undercurrent because the one with my mother became 'felt' yesterday.
It became conscious on that real knowing level.
It's not the fact it isn't happening now that blew my mind, it's having that emotional proof finally of what the relationship was really about with mother.
Before I had the narrative, but yesterday with my tears and the saying what I was feeling in the here & now and T saying what she did, it all come together.
Hope I explained that ok.