what if it's true?

I'm getting better at using CBT to deal with many things but what do you do about a situation that is NOT a cognitive distortion but just a plain fact? My boyfriend/best friend left me. His actions lead me to believe he never cared about me at all. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant. It still hurts and when he pops into my head I feel the betrayal and rejection again and its hard to stop thinking about him. I cant analyze away the fact that he lied to me and doesn't want to be with me. Dealing with this on top of this depressive episode has been overwhelming. Any suggestions?

The cognitive distortion isn't about what he did to you. A distortion generally is in the way we think of ourselves as the result of some event. For instance, it is a fact that I was abused repeatedly. The distortion might be "I'm broken/ irreparably damaged" or "Men will always hurt me" or "I should have done something to stop it" or "I deserved what happened to me." Get beyond the event and into what that you may have decided that event tells you about yourself, others, the world.

In DBT we learn about distraction, distress tolerance, and self-soothing skills, to name a few. Also radical acceptance, when you can't do anything to change a situation. Can you try to anything to distract yourself, like pursue other activities, especially ones that you enjoy and keep you mentally thinking about something else? Exercise, painting, working, helping others, reading, to name a few. Can you tell yourself that your feelings are normal, and that they will change? You are not your emotions! You can accept the reality; you don't have to like it. It's not easy to do the above!!!

Self-soothing is always good: go for a walk, listen to music you like (but not if it reminds you of him), get a massage, eat comfort foods, do things that make you happy. Try to switch gears totally when you start thinking about him to distract and soothe yourself.

I hope some of the above helps you.

Thank You. It's such a comfort to have people understand and make suggestions as opposed to telling me to "just get over it".

Yes, you can. Do you want to be with a liar who does not want to be with you? Probably not? His lying is his choice and not about you at all. Whether he wants to be with you or not, you don't want to be with him! You only get a say in what you want, not in what anyone else wants or does not want. You don't want to be with your trash collector do you? Are his/her/their feelings hurt about that? Probably not Learn to see things outside of you as not about you and work on not taking events that happen personally. This person does not want to be with you. Fine/who cares? You use to enjoy being with him but then he turned into a smuck and lied to you, etc. so now you do not enjoy being with him. How dare he lie to you?! Find your "angry" at his mistreatment of you and let that help you instead of wishing for what cannot be (him not to have lied).

I'm sorry your bf left you. That's never easy. Maybe it would help to just let yourself feel the loss of his leaving. Sometimes we just need to get those feelings out.