[Daeva]

My T frowns HEAVILY on any out of session contact, no emergency sessions, no calling to leave a message, she'll just say 'we'll talk about it next session. See you there." regardless of what it is. It sounds cold but she isn't, those are just her boundaries. We're as close as a good T and a client should be.

Today we had a great session, I've been doing so much better, and insightful and maturing and growing. Everythings on the up and good. She couldn't schedule me for next week so she scheduled me for the following week after next. Which is normal for us, well today she goes, "If you need something inbetween call my office, I'll see where I can fit you in."

Um what?????????

[ShaggyChic_1201]

My T once said, "whenever a client thought that it was a great session, there was usually some fallout later in the week." I can't explain that really, but it sounds like it sorta fits what your T is saying.

I'm glad you're doing so well.

[AmysJourney]

She cares, that is great. You know, boundaries are always dynamic, they can change and sometimes it's good when they change. Perhaps she feels she trusts you a lot to lower her usually strict rules for you. That is actually a great sign of how well your therapy is going.

Amelia

She is just saying if something comes up and you need to see her next week, she'll try to find a way to fit you into her schedule since you will be missing a week otherwise. That would be an actual session, not just a phone call or email.

That's what my T does under similar circumstances. He either tells me to call in to check for cancellations, or his secretary puts me on a waiting list to call in the case of an opening.

[sailorboy]

I think after a particularly good session there will be an expected need to follow up a week later. And a lot of patients cancel or reschedule so I think she was just trying to say she'd try to be available if it worked out and you needed her.

[Daeva]

Sierra, you're lucky! My T never does that ever. We usually do two week sessions and even if we had to reschedule to miss a week she refuses to do inbetween sessions to make up for the lost week. She's very strict about her appointments. She could have three days of openings but if you weren't scheduled to come in two weeks from now, NOTHING can make that change. I had an emergency once and she had a few openings but she wouldn't see me, and I hadn't seen her for two weeks, and was missing a week appointment. I can understand why that is too, she doesn't want me to become dependent on her to turn to whenever there is an immediate emergency, I need to focus on other coping mechanisms. So anyway it was VERY strange for her to say that to me, it threw me.

Amelia Thanks! It made me feel good, but I know I won't use that offer. I guess you're right she does trust me more to discern when I need her and when I can actually help myself now.

Shaggy--Never heard that or thought of it! I have to think that one over, thats a good one.

[AmysJourney]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Sierra, you're lucky! My T never does that ever. We usually do two week sessions and even if we had to reschedule to miss a week she refuses to do inbetween sessions to make up for the lost week. She's very strict about her appointments. She could have three days of openings but if you weren't scheduled to come in two weeks from now, NOTHING can make that change. I had an emergency once and she had a few openings but she wouldn't see me, and I hadn't seen her for two weeks, and was missing a week appointment. I can understand why that is too, she doesn't want me to become dependent on her to turn to whenever there is an immediate emergency, I need to focus on other coping mechanisms. So anyway it was VERY strange for her to say that to me, it threw me.

Amelia Thanks! It made me feel good, but I know I won't use that offer. I guess you're right she does trust me more to discern when I need her and when I can actually help myself now.

Shaggy--Never heard that or thought of it! I have to think that one over, thats a good one.

You sound so mature in your perspective about relying on your own coping mechanisms. And you wrote in your original post that it's going "up and up" so I think this wasn't just a particularly good session, you are really making progress apparently and I believe your therapist knows that as well as you. So it doesn't mean that there will be a fallout session. Offering you support if you need it until the next session really sounds as if she trusts you a lot, values the progress you make but wants to reassure you that she is there, even though she knows you are good about keeping boundaries and on using what you learnt. I love how strong and confident you sound, that makes me smile :-)

Love,
Amelia

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by Amelia112

You sound so mature in your perspective about relying on your own coping mechanisms. And you wrote in your original post that it's going "up and up" so I think this wasn't just a particularly good session, you are really making progress apparently and I believe your therapist knows that as well as you. So it doesn't mean that there will be a fallout session. Offering you support if you need it until the next session really sounds as if she trusts you a lot, values the progress you make but wants to reassure you that she is there, even though she knows you are good about keeping boundaries and on using what you learnt. I love how strong and confident you sound, that makes me smile :-)

Love,
Amelia

Thank you, that means SO much to me! I've been through a rough last 9 months and I honestly thought I wouldn't make it out alive--with three suicide attempts I came damn close. So much was changing and it's amazing how strong you can be when you finally feel you can put your feet on firm ground so to speak. Thanks so much!!! I needed those words!

[unlockingsanity]

It's really interesting how different therapist approach this issue. My T is completely the opposite. He'd want me to contact him, come in for a second weekly session and would try to fit me in or offer a phone call if he couldn't.

Being able to depend on a therapist isn't a bad thing.

[AmysJourney]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Thank you, that means SO much to me! I've been through a rough last 9 months and I honestly thought I wouldn't make it out alive--with three suicide attempts I came damn close. So much was changing and it's amazing how strong you can be when you finally feel you can put your feet on firm ground so to speak. Thanks so much!!! I needed those words!

I am so glad you're still here, you didn't succeed in your suicide attempts and you're proud of yourself and so you should be!!
Funny, I feel proud of you too :-)
You have made it far and that is soo great and such a good example of how therapy can help.
I am glad I read this tonight. Thank you for posting and responding.

Amelia

[AmysJourney]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

It's really interesting how different therapist approach this issue. My T is completely the opposite. He'd want me to contact him, come in for a second weekly session and would try to fit me in or offer a phone call if he couldn't.

Being able to depend on a therapist isn't a bad thing.

It's not, but Daeva's post is also a good example of how much strength we can have, how incredibly resourceful we can be. I am not dependent on my therapist, though I like her a lot and she is great. But I never wanted to be dependent and never felt it had any therapeutical value to me personally. I am a strong person to begin with and it simply wasn't something I needed to learn or accept. I always strive to use my skills and my strength to lead the best life I can have. But everyone is different and for some a certain kind of healthy dependency is good, I agree.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by Daeva

My T frowns HEAVILY on any out of session contact, no emergency sessions, no calling to leave a message, she'll just say 'we'll talk about it next session. See you there." regardless of what it is. It sounds cold but she isn't, those are just her boundaries. We're as close as a good T and a client should be.

Today we had a great session, I've been doing so much better, and insightful and maturing and growing. Everythings on the up and good. She couldn't schedule me for next week so she scheduled me for the following week after next. Which is normal for us, well today she goes, "If you need something inbetween call my office, I'll see where I can fit you in."

Um what?????????

I wonder if it's a sign that she is starting to trust the stability of your growth?

My understanding is that one of the characteristics of borderline is that the client can become very emotionally needy and that the best chance for the therapy relationship to survive is for there to be pretty rigid boundaries that prevent the client from overwhelming the therapist. If that's what is behind her boundaries, then apparently it's working, because you describe a relationship that sounds very healthy and helpful to you.

So if my 'wonderings' are accurate, I can't help but wonder if her offer to squeeze you in if you need it is just a really good sign that she trusts you to help her protect your relationship... and a sign that she has confidence in your growth. So I guess the goal would be for you to do everything you can to not need her until your next scheduled apt!

[Daeva]

I'm thinking the same thing crescent! I am so glad she didn't change on me and it's a positive sign!!!! Thanks guys! I am feeling much better.