Anger at T

Lamplighter · 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skies

Hi Lamplighter,

I'm quoting what feralkittymom has said because I was thinking along the same lines as her and want to add to her comment.

The kind of anger you are describing is a really diffuse anger about not getting your needs met. The needs are repressed, so there is nothing to hear; nothing to listen too. That's why it seems like he isn't hearing you.

Example (this is a random topic I chose): a person feels alone in the world and a conversation about an upcoming holiday comes up. The person doesn't recognize the aloneness, so expresses anger about holiday advertising. Only it doesn't stop there; the anger will range from traffic to capitalism. Presented to a therapist, he knows the anger has nothing to do with traffic or capitalism. You just know.

I believe your T is doing the right thing by trying to help you access what's behind the anger. Like FKM said, you can only do that with directed anger. This anger is diffuse; think of it as all the disavowed aloneness of the person in the example above, but spread out (diffuse) over all interactions throughout the entire week.

Sorry if it sounds dismissive to say there is "nothing" to hear or listen too. It's just that the things you are angry about might not have anything to do with the anger. If that's the case, then it can't be listened too. I don't know how else to explain it, but I hope you get to the bottom of it soon!

edited to add:

I found someone who explains this much better:

Thanks Skies for taking the time to reply.

I just want to clarify though, to both you and FKM, that my anger is and always has been very specific, there is ALWAYS something real and particular that sparks it and which I am able to pinpoint and say, hey THIS is pissing me off. For a T to ignore actual issues that are genuinely angering me in the vague 'therapeutic' attitude of, let's get to what 'really' is going on, is disingenuous and dismissive.

My questions were to do with my having plunged into what seems like a global state of anger where just about everything my T is doing/not doing saying/not saying is winding me up - and I thought I was quite clear in explaining that that global state was very much to do with specific things I'm needing and wanting from T, but am not getting. I really do not consider that to be 'diffuse' and 'inaccessible'.

I should also point out that even apparently diffuse anger such as you both talk about, can (and in my opinion definitely should) be listened to.

Lamplighter · Apr 04, 2014, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

Yes, it does get frustrating having to monitor what I say and really think before I portray specific emotions. It creates major imbalance. "Wait, is it really okay for me to show happiness, sadness, and tears? How could those be okay if anger is not?" Then I begin second guessing everything and completely shut her out, which is counterproductive.

Well your response inspired me to address the issue of expressing anger in sessions today.

So I did and I can't really report how effective it is yet since she just gave me the solution today, but at least I now have a solution to hiding the emotion! It's a start.

If you are curious on the specific advice she gave, I mentioned it (JUST for you

) in the most recent thread I posted. The thread has the title "T warmed my heart today" and I posted it below my original post so no searching necessary.

I totally understand what you mean about T's forgetting things. I don't have this issue with my Therapist, but I have it with my pDoc from time to time and it is very frustrating.

Hey thanks for coming back to this thread, very much appreciated. I posted over on your thread, so pleased for you, YAY you!!!!

And great that you came up with a solution to the issue of having to hide your anger, that's more than a start.

Aw thanks for posting her advice just for me - I just had to go over and see what she said

Good luck with it all - though it sounds like you've managed to resolve a lot of what was making you angry in the first place and so it might not be such an issue now

AllyIsHopeful · Apr 04, 2014, 03:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

Good luck with it all - though it sounds like you've managed to resolve a lot of what was making you angry in the first place and so it might not be such an issue now

Thank you.

I think you're right. A lot of the anger was coming from not getting what I needed out of my sessions. Perhaps the misguided emotions are what creates transference in the first place! I feel angry at situations or people, T doesn't let me be angry, I feel same anger toward T. Makes perfect sense.

Thanks for the support.

growlithing · Apr 04, 2014, 07:43 AM

School T has been driving me nuts lately to the point where I started avoiding her at all costs. She keeps bringing up stuff that I do not want to talk about. I told her I don't want to talk about it. She keeps pressing it and bringing it up in different ways and I keep saying no, I'm not talking about this. I've currently resorted to raisin my voice and being very firm "I said I'm not talking to you about this. Respect that. Stop trying to backdoor me into talking about that. I said no". She's doing a little better now, but I wouldn't say I'm angry with her because of transference. I'm angry with her because she is not respecting me saying no to talking about things when I'm not ready

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