[Daisymay]

I finished having regular sessions with my long term T last year. It wasn't a particularly good ending. Over the years we'd had a lot of ruptures. They always got mended - sorted. But always left me feeling criticised for speaking up, invalidated in some ways. Eventually I decided I was all done, to take the good I'd got from it all and quit. She didn't like it!

So I agreed to keep in touch now and then - phoning once every few months. It did make terminating sessions easier for me as I'd been so strongly attached. But now we've managed to have yet another rupture. I'm going to let it go and rise above it - but it has made me realise that no matter how attached I still feel to her and how great my need is for some kind of support and emotional support in my life, it isn't ever going to come from her in a consistently healthy way.

I've felt more pain from my relationship with this T and the torture I've gone through processing and dealing with her reactions sometimes than anything I'm dealing with in my real life. It's utterly ridiculous.

I know we can always learn something from mending ruptures and continuing a relationship. But the fact is, in my real life I don't have any unhealthy relationship problems! I only have a problem with this woman! Any disagreements or problems I come across in my real life relationships I deal with in a healthy way. That's never been a problem to me. That wasn't why I sought therapy.

So I'm asking myself - can I be strong enough to let go of this T completely. I've been so attached to her it hurts to think about. How can I make myself do what I need to do when I know it will feel so painful?

I have no one to replace her with and wouldn't want to - other than real friends and family, and things I love doing that give me a sense of purpose and fulfillment. And my personal 'faith' or take on life.

If I really needed help or support I would find it. I wouldn't struggle on. So I'm not deciding I don't want to ask for help. It's not that.

I think I am enough for myself. But am too scared to take the plunge to find out for sure!

[unlockingsanity]

You could always see another therapist to get you over the hump of the still-existing attachment issues for a short time. I'm sure they'd be able to help you through the transition period, especially if you explained you just needed some support through the transition and don't need any additional "help". It would give you a good sounding board and encouragement on how to move forward.

[HazelGirl]

This sounds like a good chance to practice facing your fears of doing life without her. Ideally, a good T would help you through this process, but that obviously hasn't been the case with this T. It sounds like, as painful as it is, it's time to take the plunge.

[PeeJay]

Your post sounds like the writings of someone who is in a good place and emotionally healthy and who could cut the ties with current T, and not only survive, but thrive.

If you ever do need therapy again, it might be exciting to start fresh. Annoying too, because the person doesn't KNOW you like your current T knows you. But the freshness may be what you need, in the future.

[Daisymay]

Thank you. I've decided I'm going to do this - cut that last tie! I don't need it anymore. I'm going to make a list of all the good that came from the relationship and the therapy and leave it at that. And there were good and helpful things, quite a lot. Maybe some of the stuff that was painful was really just tough or challenging, some of it anyway. And I learnt from that too.

I have had other therapy from another T in the past (a very good one) - so there is always her if I need anything again.

But for now I'm just going to leave things.
Thanks again.