When Transference works

I've been with my T now for almost 5 years. I quit taking my meds about a month ago and my T has been asking me to please take my meds. I really didn't pay much attention to him thinking he was giving me the normal T thing. But last night he stated that he has depression and is on meds himself. He stated that he was on a med for 7 years and quit taking them because he thought he didn't need them either. He said he was off the med for 3 years and that he got depressed again and had to go back on his med 2 years ago. Then it hit me, he really does understand what I'm talking about, because he's been there as well.

Think that we put our T's into this bubble that their prefect ppl without problems. But sometimes it takes some transference to happen to see that they are just ppl too. If it wasn't for transference then I wouldn't be able to see that T really does understand what I'm saying.

But I'm still unsure about taking me meds. When you feel fine it's hard to remember why your on the meds in the first place. T reminds me I'm feeling well because the the meds are working.

Lisa

Interesting post, Monty girl. My therapist told me very upfront and early on that she takes an antidpressant too. I was having a huge struggle with whether to try that route or not and she offered that insight. I did opt for giving it a try (and I'm glad I did) but my decision wasn't based on that information from her. I'm still working out what transference actually is about, never heard that term till I came to this site.

Transference is when you react to things based on some interaction from your past. If you're mother kept calling you stupid so you automatically think even new people you meet look at you and think you're stupid, is an example. Lots of one's negative/lack of self esteem is from transference, You "give up" and automatically accept what you've learned in your past, you "transfer" what happened then to current events.

A T telling you about themselves is just counseling or regular conversation, her hoping what she has experienced will help you, not part of anything she learned in how to do therapy. Transference would be if you accepted/didn't accept their information because someone in your past influenced you about meds.

For example, my mother died of a brain tumor. It started back in the 1940s before they knew much about the brain and she was sent to a psychiatrist, was told her grand mal seizures were "all in her head." Nowadays that would waste good time that could be spent trying to heal the tumor. When they finally operated on her 4+ years later, it was way too late (not that they had the means to do much about it until after she died in 1954 anyway; they didn't have CT/MRI or chemo, radiation, etc. yet). Anyway, I didn't know that story but knew my father "hated" psychiatrists, made fun of them. So his attitude was "transferred" to me/anyone else that thought psychiatrists were good to see. I didn't tell my father/step-mother I was in therapy for a long long time and never very specifically even when I did "mention" it. I was afraid, knew they "hated" psychiatrists (and didn't want them to look down/not love me for getting counseling). It made a big difference when my aunt told me the story and I understood where it was coming from and could resolve that problem. But my father never did. He never "worked through" the transference with a psychiatrist, never understood his unconscious/kneejerk dislike of psychiatrists/mental health workers.

Transference is just an unconscious conflict like that that plays out in therapy with the therapist playing the role of whoever "gave" you the belief. You "treat" the therapist as if they were the person without thinking through what you are doing. Usually there's one or two "major" people that you wanted to impress/get love from, etc. in your early life and you picked up all sorts of ways to do that or to not upset/anger them, etc. and now you have this "code of conduct" you're not even aware of that you use everywhere with everyone. Everyone does it to some extent but it's why people get in bad relationships over and over, they're trying to "fix" a relationship in the past. They'll do the same things/feel the same way in therapy with the therapist only now there's a chance to examine what's going on, for the therapist to point out that it doesn't belong in "this" relationship, etc. and one becomes more conscious of what's happening in one's life so one doesn't always repeat the same self-defeating things over and over.

With meds I think it's a very personal thing. It's not really about "feeling good," it's about not feeling bad. When you take an aspirin for a headache, that's kind of the same as taking an antidepressant. However, with depression, it will come back. Maybe it's more like taking an antacid, allergy meds, sea/air-sickness pill, even anxiety meds; so you keep the bad feeling away. Antidepressants don't change who you are as a person, don't make you "happier" they just help you recoup your normal/genetic level of energy and emotional state. Compare them to antibiotics even; without antibiotics lots of people would/did die from infections.

Thank you Pernal

Though I've been in therapy alot I haven't been able to understand the transference - always kinda worried about it - like it was a really bad thing that I was doing. Your explaination is so clear - I understand! It makes me much more comfortable - I just started with a new T after a few months break.. so this post came in real handy...

(((((((((( Lisa )))))))))

I, too went off all my meds one time. It almost led to my death. Please take your meds. They wouldn't have be prescribed for you if you didn't need them.

Hugs,

Jan

Monty_girl,

I had been on various depression meds for over 10 years and went off over a year ago; I felt they were numbing me and of course they didn't prevent depression all the time because they can't. So, I wanted to see what it was like without them. It's been hard at times, but no harder than when I was on the meds. I am now working with a psychologist for deep and lasting treatment and relief. It feels better to be off the meds, although things have surfaced that had been kept supressed/repressed by the meds.

It is good to realize our therapists are human, too. Mine has told me several times "I don't have all the answers" and "I am not always right". I tend to put her way high on a pedestal! (I think when I do that it is because I not only want her to have all the answers, be right all the time, but also somehow to do the work or make it magically easier).

It sounds like you have a really good relationship with your therapist and I hope you will talk to him more about why he thinks you should go back on your meds: those things may be the things to work on right now. It could be the things the meds numbed for you are surfacing and need addressed.



ECHOES

Hey. It is controversial with respect to whether anti-depressants have a preventative effect on depressive episodes or not...

What that means... Is that maybe even if your t had continued taking the medication your t still might have had a depressive episode...

We also don't know what the long term effects of medications are...

I would say that it is your decision whether you want to continue taking them or not. Sure, you might have an episode sometime in your future... But then you might have an episode sometime in your future even if you do continue taking them. You might never have another one and say 'gee wow the meds helped' but the fact is that you might never have another one even if you stop taking the meds.

I guess I'm wary because we simply don't know what the long term effects of medications are...

Sounds to me...

Like your t has beliefs about what helped them (meds) and they are thinking that... You are just like them hence you need meds too...

Dunno

Something to think about

Perna, thanks for posting that. I understand the whole transference thing a lot better now. It wasn't at all what I thought, which is good because my idea was not even close. I can think of things in my life that fit that description exactly and didn't know what it was.

Everybody experiences transference; that's why it's funny and understandable when a woman says, "I'm turning into my mother;" usually she has just said something her mother said to her a million times? All of that is fine and the way it should be but there are other times when we don't realize we doing that, we have ideas and opinions we think are our own and about us but we've just recycled them from someone else. Therapists have them too and that's called "counter-transference."

I think I remember someone complaining because her therapist had treated/talked to her as if she were her (the therapist's) little sister? That's possible only a great many therapists have had therapy themselves as part of their training and are taught about counter-transference and have an idea of their own issues so they can keep it out of the way. Lots of therapists become therapists from their own interests/problems and a therapist could be urging meds because someone's issues reminds them of their mother's, parents, siblings, husband's, wives, etc. issues and that person would/would not take meds, etc. They could be working out their own issues but it is not very likely. If you're ever worried a T has an "ulterior" motive about something, ask about it! See if they get defensive or if they're calm and open as usual, whether they try to deflect the question, etc. They are truly just humans and one has to make up one's own mind what to do for one's self, can't just do things because someone else thinks it is a good idea. One should have one's own ideas about one's body and how it "works" and what it is up to, how one is using it, etc. The whole "know yourself" extends to physical self too, it's all one package.