[sweepy62]

I have been with new t for 4 months now, I see her weekly, she is very nice, carin, honest, has done everything possible to make me comfortable and be able to trust her. She books 3 appt ahead, gave me her direct number, I can go on.

My old t did a great job in picking her out for me. My old t started seeing me twice a month for amost 9 months before she saw me weekly, but by the 4th month I had a great connection, I missed her in between sessions, I thought about her alot, I called her.

With new t, I like her, but she is not frequently on my mind, when I do call, I tell her not to call, except for a couple of days ago I spoke to her. I dont miss her though, shouldn't I already have those feelings already? I do like her alot, she does make me feel safe.

[kororain]

Do you feel like this connection is "missing" from your life, or do you feel like therapy is just as effective without it? I'm not particularly attached to my T, but I've still figured out some things since I started seeing her. So to me, therapy is effective... it's just that I figure most of it out by myself when I'm not with her.

Are you working on things without the connection, or do you feel like you need a connection to make progress?

I think you are actually used to a less secure attachment so this feels odd to you. That you don't miss her between sessions doesn't mean you are less attached; it just means, like you said, you feel safe so you don't have that anxiety between sessions. That's a good thing.

[HazelGirl]

I think obsessing over it like you have been is counter-productive. Give it time.

[rainbow8]

I agree with 1914sierra. It sounds like a secure connection already. That's great! Maybe you just miss your old T. Do you ever talk about her with new T? It could be that your relationship with current T will be different. No two relationships are exactly the same. It sounds like your therapy is going well.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I agree with 1914sierra. It sounds like a secure connection already. That's great! Maybe you just miss your old T. Do you ever talk about her with new T? It could be that your relationship with current T will be different. No two relationships are exactly the same. It sounds like your therapy is going well.

No , I dont, but she has, she has told me she hopes I feel as comfortable and trust her as I did with old t.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by kororain

Do you feel like this connection is "missing" from your life, or do you feel like therapy is just as effective without it? I'm not particularly attached to my T, but I've still figured out some things since I started seeing her. So to me, therapy is effective... it's just that I figure most of it out by myself when I'm not with her.

Are you working on things without the connection, or do you feel like you need a connection to make progress?

We are working on things, I feel we do need some sort of connection when we approach deep work soon.

You sound connected quite honestly. I just get the feeling you have learned somewhere along the way that a connection must involve drama and intense emotions. Truly strong and healthy connections are really more what you already describe: calm, safe, comfortable. This relationship will NEVER feel exactly like any other relationship. You seem to expect it to feel just like your last T, but that isn't realistic. No two relationships are exactly the same. Can you consider just allowing this to be the safe, calm relationship it appears to be?

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

You sound connected quite honestly. I just get the feeling you have learned somewhere along the way that a connection must involve drama and intense emotions. Truly strong and healthy connections are really more what you already describe: calm, safe, comfortable. This relationship will NEVER feel exactly like any other relationship. You seem to expect it to feel just like your last T, but that isn't realistic. No two relationships are exactly the same. Can you consider just allowing this to be the safe, calm relationship it appears to be?

Yes I can do that, it feels safe right now, we are open and honest with each other, she encourages phone calls. I feel comfortable, im being more open and vulnerable. We both share meaningful stuff in common, and we share stories together. She is very attuned to my feelings.

Sometimes I feel im missing a crucial part of the relationship piece, when I read threads here about connections, and clients missing therapists between sessions, emails and texts, and so forth, and I dont feel this way, I feel there is something wrong in my relationship.

I know its not good to compare, but I did have those feelings with my old t, except with this t, she offers alot more in different ways.

[Patagonia]

I fought attachment to my T for 13 months & until I was ready to trust her. That to me, sounds like an awful long time. Maybe you just need more time & you feel comfortable right now. The feeling may grow the deeper you get into your therapy.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ScarletPimpernel]

Maybe you don't need that level of attachment to new T. Maybe you're still comparing her to last T instead of accepting her for who she is. If you find this T helpful, maybe just let the relationship be what it is and let it develop naturally.

I didn't want to be attached to my T. I hoped that her being younger than me would prevent those feelings. Nope. I have had to just accept the relationship for what it is. It's still weird, but it is what it is. And my T knows about the attachment. She doesn't mind, and she doesn't treat me any different...except she tries to not be motherly with me so that I don't confuse myself more.

Besides, for those of us who are attached to our T's, our goal is to try to deal with our issues AND how to not be so attached. It might not be normal for you, but it might be healthier.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Maybe you don't need that level of attachment to new T. Maybe you're still comparing her to last T instead of accepting her for who she is. If you find this T helpful, maybe just let the relationship be what it is and let it develop naturally.

I didn't want to be attached to my T. I hoped that her being younger than me would prevent those feelings. Nope. I have had to just accept the relationship for what it is. It's still weird, but it is what it is. And my T knows about the attachment. She doesn't mind, and she doesn't treat me any different...except she tries to not be motherly with me so that I don't confuse myself more.

Besides, for those of us who are attached to our T's, our goal is to try to deal with our issues AND how to not be so attached. It might not be normal for you, but it might be healthier.

i was attached to my old t, that felt good for me, it felt healthy, I had never felt that before, it was not obsessive, and I miss that. I suppose I will just have to just let this be. I have alot of stress going on in my household right now, thats another issue, and maybe I am looking for something to cling on to for reasurrance or something.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Compared to when you first started seeing your new T, you've seem to have made a lot of progress in the relationship (least imo from what I've read).

I think you're still grieving the loss of your other T. She was safe and familiar. Maybe, deep down, you're holding yourself back? Fear of another loss? I know that's why I didn't want to be attached to my T.

Maybe you can take a little time to get to know new T better? Find something you can relate more with her about.

[sweepy62]

Yeah I still miss her, but I also like this t, this relationship is good, I will just let it be I suppose.