[purplemoon]

Yesterday my T cancelled. I totally understand why and it was truly unavoidable, but it upset me so much. I just went to bed and slept half the day away. Why would this bother me so much. I have another appointment next week but it still bugs me. I know I am being entirely too selfish and a total jerk about this. What is wrong with me?

[lenjan]

Well, having been there, I can share my experience with it, which is that it's the one time a week I get to talk about what's going on with me with someone who is guaranteed to be supportive and helpful. When one of us can't make it, it feels like a rejection, even though it generally is unavoidable, etc.

Good luck and hang in there.

CB

[purplemoon]

Thank you Candy

Yeah. There is a certain amount of disconnection between emotions and beliefs. It is possible to be terrified of a spider while at the very same time knowing that it can't pose a threat to you. It is possible to feel upset / rejected / sad while at the very same time knowing that the person isn't rejecting you and certainly doesn't intend for you to feel that way.

Feelings can be a-rational (not rationally evaluable) like that...

Can you do something nice and caring for yourself today?

[purplemoon]

Thank you Alezandra. I kept myself busy the whole weekend to keep my mind off my T. What you said makes a lot of sense. I know things but it is not the way I feel. I am glad I'm not the only with this.

[Hopefull]

I one time showed up at the office for my appointment and was told by the receptionist that T was out sick. I darn neared cried in front of the receptionist. I had to get out quickly in order to keep from crying in front of the desk. It's not what I want the receptionist to remember me for. I once found myself feeling abandoned because my T left the office and promised to give me someone else to talk to. It didn't happen for a few weeks. I knew that she had not abandoned me but I couldn't get the stupid thought out of my head. I argued with it constantly until I called her voice mail and heard her sick voice. It sounded so pitiful. As if that wasn't mean enough of me, I was extremely happy that she was sick! I knew that the reason was that I had relief from my sense of abandonment. I don't know why hearing her voice relieved my stupid thinking. I think for me if I depend on someone else, I fear that they will abandon me. I told my new T in the last few sessions that I fantasize about her walking out of my life. She tells me that she has no plans to move and too many clients to change offices like my old T did. I suspect that it is a transferance thing and a dependence thing.
In other words, our Ts are important to us because we NEED them at times. They fulfill psychological needs that we either lost the abillity to fulfill for a temporary basis or that we never have been able to fulfill. I have recently relized that psychological needs are needs like food and water. So, obviously we know where you are coming from. I hope you get to see T at your next appointment. I sometimes tell T that I missed her. I do to.

Hey. I'm glad you managed to keep yourself busy. Keeping yourself busy can be a good coping strategy :-)

You certainly aren't the only one to have a discrepancy between emotions and thoughts / beliefs at times. Emotions and beliefs have different roles / functions and so they often come apart like that.

I have a similar anecdote. I once showed up to my t's office for an appoitment and I was told that she was off sick. I had to run out before I started to cry too. This was a long time ago now and I used to SI. I felt really very abandoned and I went home and SI'd to cope. A couple days later she called me up and said she had been in a car accident and she was in hospital the day of the appoitment. I felt so embarrassed about SI. I had to show her my diary card, but she didn't process that episode with me. I learned something from that though. I try to give my t the benefit of the doubt if they don't show up or something. That certainly doesn't prevent my feeling sad and hurt and abandoned, but rationally I tell myself that something really important must have come up. But that certainly doesn't prevent my feeling sad and hurt and abandoned.

I was abandoned (or I felt abandoned) as a kid too. So I guess I'm super-sensitive to attachment figures leaving me. Getting sick of me and emotionally withdrawing and / or physically leaving me. It can be hard... But I guess the feelings come from there. Grief over that past hurt. And I guess that since that was my experience with my main attachment figure when I feel attached to someone I figure the experience will happen again. Like how if people have good experiences with their main attachment figure then they figure the experience will happen again.