Good session today, but next week wont be, I might cancel

Todays session went ok, she asked how we could incorporate some of the things that made old t and me close in the relationship.

We had closure with the transference between ex ptsd group t. We spoke again on copking skills before delving into csa.

Here is the difficult part, being that I like structure ans does she, we are goiing to process this csa stuff in steps. Ex. 1st person, 2nd person ect... so sshe wants me to draw steps from 1 to whatever on the csa and physical abuse ladder, and each step needs to be processed.

So if I remember 6 events from person 1 on the ladder, then we cant go to step 2 until that is processed.

I hope I didn't confuse you, but this is where the csa real work begins next week, im in FLIGHT MODE right about now. Im scared, lack o energy, really considering canceling.

You've come all this way to reach this critical point. I would suggest you ask yourself how you will really feel if you cancel. Do you think you'll be disappointed in yourself? I'll gently remind you that if you skip this one you'll have to face it the following week...

I don't know anything about this ladder stuff and 1st and 2nd person etc.. I don't think I ever did this kind of therapy, so I can't say much about that.
But what I can say, my dear sweepy, is that you will not cancel of course, because you are strong and determined and you have endless courage. You can give me so much wonderful support, you have so much wisdom! Right now, just coming out the session this might feel like something you don't want to do, not even think about. But over the next few days up until next week, I hope you will find some new energy, new motivation and strength. And if you need some help with that, you have my number

Love you sweepy and I really believe in you.

Love,
Amelia

The more you run, the longer this takes, and the longer until you finally get past this stuff. Keep up the work.

I feel for you sweepy as I am in the same spot right now. I wish you a lot of strength during this time. But I believe we can do it !

((hugs))

Thanks everyone, and as I told her, and thanked her today, for her different therapeutic approach, which has been helping alot, she digs deeper, and works to get to the root of things, not jusr the surface, that is why old t, picked her out for me.

As I told her though everytime we started talking a little csa with past therapists and I disclosed some painful stuff , a month later they left. She understands this, and is telling me to take the leap of faith with her here. She said things get worsebefore they get better.

She said we will be together for a while, and theres only so much we can do in 60 min every week.

If I may be a bit vulnerable here, I feel scared, like a kid, its not easy, I have lots to disclose as it was not only one person.

im sorry if I have triggered anyone, and I dont want anyone to think im looking for attention, im practicing to be more vulnerable.