[ThisWayOut]

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. T and I had talked about it last time we met. Last night/this morning, I just couldn't sleep. It was getting really lost in a negative space. I remembered T telling me she really wished I could just get some sleep. I remebered feeling safe enough in her office to have fallen asleep when I had been there, so I pictured her sitting in a chair in my room. I finally managed to sleep a bit (still only about an hour an a half). Is it weird that I needed to picture T there to feel safe enough to sleep?

For many years, the only way I could sleep well was to picture my first T curled up in bed with me, spooning with me and protecting my back. He was a really nice man, with a very big brotherly vibe, and he's gay, so that just seemed like it would feel super safe. I wasn't even that attached to him, so it seemed very weird to me. My current T told me it wasn't weird.

[HazelGirl]

No, it's not weird. It's like inviting them into your "safe place" as a calming resource. Sometimes, when I have nightmares, my T appears to comfort me. And sometimes I imagine her in my room telling me things are going to be okay and she is there to protect me and keep me safe (or something similar) if I'm having trouble sleeping.

[stopdog]

I don't think it odd to have comforting figures appear in dreams or to think of them to go to sleep. I don't find the therapist safe or comforting so when they appear for me, it is more in a nightmare scenario or too unsafe to fall asleep.

[ThisWayOut]

I guess it just caught me off guard because I've never "taken a t with me" like that before (actually, that is incorrect, it's just been a really long time).
I think it feels weird because I'm just now figuring out the extent of parental transference I seem to have with t, though she is the same age as my little brother...
I guess it's ok to use her to feel safe elsewhere than just the therapy room...

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I guess it just caught me off guard because I've never "taken a t with me" like that before (actually, that is incorrect, it's just been a really long time).
I think it feels weird because I'm just now figuring out the extent of parental transference I seem to have with t, though she is the same age as my little brother...
I guess it's ok to use her to feel safe elsewhere than just the therapy room...

Could you tell her this before she leaves?

[ThisWayOut]

yeah, I think I may have a conversation around it with her. I need to figure out a way to take the safety of the therapeutic contact with me on a more regular basis.

stopdog, I would not be able to continue therapy if I found no safety in it... how does it work for you (if you don't mind my asking)? I think I have read somewhere that you really just use therapy as a platform for talking things through. I'm assuming your sense of "safety" comes from elsewhere. How do you culture that? I ask because I do not know how to gather a sense of safety on my own. Maybe I want to pose that question in another thread also... I'm interested in knowing where others get their sense of safety, and how they cultivate it.

[junkDNA]

i sleep with a stuffed animal my T gave me as a transitional object. i dont think its weird.

[harvest moon]

Not at all weird! Whenever I can't sleep, I picture myself in Ts office, when it's empty and he's at home sleeping. I take the pillows from the sofas and make a bed with them on the floor, at the corner, behind his study. I take a coat of his to cover myself and sleep there. This image helps me fall asleep.

My younger alters do this a lot. They also sleep with a couple of stuffies from t to help them feel safer. T says whatever it takes to feel safe!

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. T and I had talked about it last time we met. Last night/this morning, I just couldn't sleep. It was getting really lost in a negative space. I remembered T telling me she really wished I could just get some sleep. I remebered feeling safe enough in her office to have fallen asleep when I had been there, so I pictured her sitting in a chair in my room. I finally managed to sleep a bit (still only about an hour an a half). Is it weird that I needed to picture T there to feel safe enough to sleep?

I feel like the weird one. Once, when I was inpatient, I was so overwhelmed I asked to go in the "green room." ( The padded room.) I knew it would be soft, safe and quiet. I was surprised it resembled a womb, to me. So that's where I went in my head...T's womb...safe. I slept.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I feel like the weird one. Once, when I was inpatient, I was so overwhelmed I asked to go in the "green room." ( The padded room.) I knew it would be soft, safe and quiet. I was surprised it resembled a womb, to me. So that's where I went in my head...T's womb...safe. I slept.

That's a little weird

But I can totally see how that can be comforting as well. In fact, your description sounded comforting. Although I don't think I would want to be in my T's womb. Eww...

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

That's a little weird

But I can totally see how that can be comforting as well. In fact, your description sounded comforting. Although I don't think I would want to be in my T's womb. Eww...

Lol I understand.

[Wysteria]

t told me that I can use his office anytime for safety in my head...I sleep curled up under his desk...of course he would not be there...but that space is his and thus protected...

He also left me a message telling me he "had my back" and other supportive words for when I cannot talk to him...I listen to that sometimes or reread emails that resonated with me from him over the past years..

Just a few things...

WB

[JustShakey]

Not weird. The color of my blankie (that I sleep with) reminds me of previous T. It bothers me a bit that I'm much more comforted by the memory of her than I ever was by the reality of her.

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