Calling out LCM— too harsh?

Growly, I think by now lc had way enough time to have helped you find a new t or at least a list of names or referals, and if she cant keep up a set time to call you, what makes you think she can even help you find a t. I am just saying this out of your best interest growly. In my oppinion alot of time has passed already, where you should have either had interviews or callbacks from therapists, if she were helping you get a t.

Growthing, you deserve to work with someone you can truly trust. The thing is, I get where you're coming from when you're scared your LCM won't call you back or when you're fearful she will take off and abandon you. I'm that way, too. As a matter of a fact, as I type this out there's a piece of me that wonders if my T will abandon me this week because I laid out some crazy transference feelings for him in an email the other day. But deep, deep down I know he will be there. Right on time, smile on his face, and not afraid to talk about it. Trust is a process, not something one gives overnight. And I'm in my process because he's never shown me otherwise.

Don't you deserve the same process? LCM means well, I have no doubts about that. But she's in over her head and it rubs me the wrong way that she's not been guiding you more clearly on the path towards finding a T to help you once you stop seeing school T.

I also know what it's like to be afraid of meeting new people and picking up the phone, but again, with practice it gets easier. I had a "crash course" in this when I started my career 7 years ago and I can truly say it's much better. Not easy, but much improved. It is possible to work with a T to get over your social anxieties. I don't think there's many therapists that would expect you to be 100% comfortable with them and sit in silence waiting for you to tell your whole story in the first session. And consulting a T does not mean you have to pick one. You're just consulting.

I'd like to say one more thing, and this part might sting so I'm sorry. I want to ask you to give serious consideration to your future with LCM. Can you see this relationship continuing as-is without causing harm? What happens if she moves? Gets engaged? Realizes she's not therapist-material and changes majors? How might you handle it if she cuts down on your time together? I think you need a therapist to help you work through the changes in your relationship that will happen because life is about changes and nothing is permanent.

I think you can be proud of the email that you sent her.

You are getting a lot of advice in this thread, and the advice from anonymous strangers will never cut through the real attachment you feel for LCM.

I think there are some things we need to discover for ourselves. LCM is getting you through right now.

It will be good to diversify your support.

But, back on topic, your letter was good!

She's 36 and has been working in mental health with clients for years. I doubt she'll be changing majors. She's with a boyfriend she'd been with for 7 years. Her getting engaged wouldn't change much. They already live together and stuff. She's practically married. And she already has a daughter. She could get pregnant again I guess.

We already know that neither of us are going to live here forever. I can't live here forever. That's just not in the nature of my "actual job" works. I go to school in one place for a while, travel to different parts of the country over the summer to meet and play with different musicians, then I go to school in a new location for two years, and then I travel the country taking auditions and move to where I'm hired. She already told me a long time ago that someday she wants to move to San Francisco but that won't happen for many years and the odds that my job takes me to San Francisco as well is slim. There is the SFSO but I couldn't win that job until I'm a little older, a lot better, and if there is an opening. I have zero control of where I live. Well, I can decide where I'm not going to live.

I already know it isn't permanent. I have hope that maybe we can do something long distance when the time comes and make it together longer.

They prompted me in the past to tell them stuff. LCM and I covered a lot of ground the first time I met her. Not all of it and she does suck at time and that will sometimes work in my favor as she sat with me for an hour and a half. exTT sat with me and also prompted me for information. We got through a chunk of stuff. I don't remember school TT too well. I was also literally her first client ever so it wasn't all that put together. I remember she asked for my name, what year I am, and what instrument I play.

And deep down, I also knew she wouldn't leave. That she'd be proud of me. I know I need a new T as well. I'm not trying to say that her alone is good enough. I just feel like I need to defend LCM too. She's been so good to me. Not perfect by any means, but loving and caring and accepting.

She was exactly on time today. She said that I need to work on identifying blame because what happened was completely her fault and not at all mine. She also said we need to go back to our regularly scheduled time. So, she is trying to change.

Quick update: LCM rescheduled me this week again and then rescheduled the time again. It was fine.

She said she feels uncomfortable that I don't have a licensed T and told me I need one and that she can't call for me to get one. She called exTT only to give her an earful when she didn't refer me. She said I need one for myself and to make her feel comfortable to know that a licensed and experienced T is seeing me every week, making sure I'm safe.

I thought she told you she was advocating for you and was going to help you get one? I guess it's good she wants you to find one on your own , to foster independance for you. That needed to be done a while ago IMO . It's never too late. I'm glad she is there for you and suggested this, are you going to try and find someone for the fall?

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what about asking DBT group T for a recommendation or three for a female T? i bet he knows some. maybe even send an email if that is easier.

Maybe you guys could look at some internet date bases together and talk about who looks like the might be a good fit. Psychology Today and Good therapy.org have some pretty decent listings. You could as use the time you spend looking to talk about your hesitation to see a new T.