[GenCat]

In regards to my two previous posts, Going Dancing With T, I talked to T and here is what she told me, word for word.
Ok so how about I give you the rundown of the past two weeks from my perspective and then you can give me your perspective. Then we can see if there is a misunderstanding that we need to process through.

I'm gonna start with the fact you've been asking me for awhile to come see you at the horse barn. As part of any counseling process if a client is making great progress the counselor can extend some measure of affirmation. I decided your request for me to come visit the barn was a very acceptable affirmation. Of course, it did get rushed a bit given the crazy circumstances. So there's that.

You and I have been discussing the need for more socialization for awhile. In the past few months you've been making attempts at that. Last week we were brainstorming ideas when I mentioned ballroom dance. I provided you info about some upcoming events and encouraged you to give it a try. You decided to try it but didn't know where it was so I offered a ride. Now I wouldn't have offered you a ride to somewhere I wasn't already going.

We then had the discussion about the concert in June. I encouraged you to go because should be fun.

You then asked me if I went to celebration because of my knowing Melinda. You said you've wanted to try it sometime. I encouraged you to give it a try and mentioned my interpreting times.

So basically, you've expressed interest in things and I've encouraged you to pursue those and offered my support for those. I've made sure to let you know I won't hold your hand or let you become dependent on me. I'm sure you're not because you've been planning to do those things on your own or with a friend. We live in a small community so to think we both could pursue the same interest and not see each other would be unrealistic.

[Leah123]

I admit I'm a skeptic, but I'm not buying it. Her definition of not crossing boundaries certainly doesn't fit the standard one. She sounds more like a hybrid mentor/counselor role than a typical therapist. If it works for you, it works for you, and that's what matters, but I can see it getting complicated in potentially uncomfortable ways. What do you think?

It reminds me just a little of the old axiom not to date folks you work with. Now for the record- I did date someone I worked with, and I married him, and we've been married 15 years now, haha, so it *can* work out... but there are reasons that dual-relationships aren't typically pursued in certain situations, and the potential to consider her a social support and then have that withdrawn or have your feelings hurt or have it be awkward if you two have an in-session falling out near the time of these social plans makes me a bit concerned.

I guess I'm not clear on *how* and if she's made sure you won't be dependent: I mean.... isn't she escorting you to events and then interacting with you at them as a social/logistical crutch? I'm not saying that's bad... but it is different and I'm not 100% sure her words match my perception of the reality.

[Rapunzel]

Living in a small community changes everything. Any two people in a small community are going to be at some of the same events, and even more so if they have some of the same interests. It is still important to maintain good boundaries and keep it professional, but as members of the same community, interaction outside of the office is inevitable and people deal with that as well as they can. It would be more awkward to try to avoid each other.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

Living in a small community changes everything. Any two people in a small community are going to be at some of the same events, and even more so if they have some of the same interests. It is still important to maintain good boundaries and keep it professional, but as members of the same community, interaction outside of the office is inevitable and people deal with that as well as they can. It would be more awkward to try to avoid each other.

Right, one thing to unintentionally bump into each other, but another to plan attending social events together, ride share, etc..

The T also apparently shared confidential information with a third party, visited where you work, etc. etc.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...dancing-t.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...-part-2-a.html

Then there's the issue of your discomfort and confusion about her intentions, things like this:

"Another thing I've been thinking about is that when we were at the dance, we sat beside each other and a few times we talked I saw her look down at my breasts (had low cut dress on, so cleavage showed) and she touched my knee one time and asked if i was having fun and another time leaned over, when i had her phone and rested her hand on the back of my seat where my butt sat." and you wondering after if she was "trying to get" you "into bed."

How can socializing with her help that?

Originally Posted by GenCat

In regards to my two previous posts, Going Dancing With T, I talked to T and here is what she told me, word for word.
Ok so how about I give you the rundown of the past two weeks from my perspective and then you can give me your perspective. Then we can see if there is a misunderstanding that we need to process through.

I'm gonna start with the fact you've been asking me for awhile to come see you at the horse barn. As part of any counseling process if a client is making great progress the counselor can extend some measure of affirmation. I decided your request for me to come visit the barn was a very acceptable affirmation. Of course, it did get rushed a bit given the crazy circumstances. So there's that.

You and I have been discussing the need for more socialization for awhile. In the past few months you've been making attempts at that. Last week we were brainstorming ideas when I mentioned ballroom dance. I provided you info about some upcoming events and encouraged you to give it a try. You decided to try it but didn't know where it was so I offered a ride. Now I wouldn't have offered you a ride to somewhere I wasn't already going.

We then had the discussion about the concert in June. I encouraged you to go because should be fun.

You then asked me if I went to celebration because of my knowing Melinda. You said you've wanted to try it sometime. I encouraged you to give it a try and mentioned my interpreting times.

So basically, you've expressed interest in things and I've encouraged you to pursue those and offered my support for those. I've made sure to let you know I won't hold your hand or let you become dependent on me. I'm sure you're not because you've been planning to do those things on your own or with a friend. We live in a small community so to think we both could pursue the same interest and not see each other would be unrealistic.

Again, I encourage you to go back and read your old post.

[anilam]

You going alone or with your friend would be much better though which her going with you actually prevents . So much for not fostering dependence...

Also I do struggle with the "it's because you're doing so well as a client" reason. What? Is she a trophy for you to fight for?
Brings me back to your other post where you mentioned that this was to be a reward (for your good behavior).

[NoddaProbBob]

Doing any sort of therapy work in a small community changes everything. The roles get crossed quite a bit, but I agree with Leah123. It seems as if she is acting more as a life coach rather than a T.

I know that some T's do exposure therapy so I wondered if this was partly that, but after reading more, it seems as if she has completely crossed your boundaries. In fact, seems to me like she's enmeshed in them.

This does not foster independence by any means. It just appeared as if her responses were more like justifications and rationalizations, rather than evidence based marks of your therapeutic journey.

[brillskep]

Therapy ethics in small communities do differ because of that exact reason.

I also notice your T actually referred to herself as a counselor. Boundaries in counseling tend to be more loose than those in a psychotherapy relationship.

Her reasoning sounds reasonable to me. I'm wondering if maybe you were trying to see your own wish come true, the way you you interpreted and told us your story.

Anyway, I'm glad things are cleared up now and I'm glad you're not dealing with an unethical therapist.