[coolibrarian]

I'm finding myself posting notes and sending messages on this forum and feeling hurt/confused when I don't get a reply. My mind is having an argument with itself. One part says, "You are falling back on old patterns. There could be all sorts of reasons why you haven't had a reply. This is not your fault." The other part answers, "I've said something to offend the other person, so that's why they haven't answered me. I'm a horrible person. It's all my fault that they haven't answered me."
I am having transference issues here, on PC. And I don't even know any of you in person!
Sigh.

[HazelGirl]

This is actually core beliefs about yourself, not necessarily transference. But I do understand. I feel that way all the time. What helps is realizing I feel that way even when my threads get a lot of replies. It's never enough because the voices in my head don't really care about how many comments I get, they care about tearing me down in whatever way they can. So I try not to focus on that.

[kororain]

Don't feel like that. People are all over the world, working, sleeping, having dinner with families. They may just not have seen your messages or posts. Or maybe they're in a place where they can't respond. It isn't you.

[smmath]

I have experienced the same thing, so you are not alone.

Let me know if you ever want to talk about it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I also can relate. The good news: you're getting responses to this post

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Some times I wish I could get the same amount of attention that some of the "popular" members get. Or that it's not fair when someone who re-words what I wrote gets the "credit".

But I realized a few things during my break from these forums.

1. If something isn't helping me, I don't have to take part in it.
2. If someone disagrees with me, it doesn't mean I'm wrong.
3. It is just as important to support others when you're able to as it is to seek support when you need it.
4. The squeaky wheels get the most attention; even here.
5. Even if no one replies, no one gives you "thanks" or "hugs", doesn't mean you're not important, your pain is not important, or that anyone is rejecting you. Some examples of why someone might not respond: they aren't on, they're dealing with their own crisis, they are shy or scared, they have also felt rejected by people on this site, etc.

Please know that there are people who read what you write and who agree or who sympathize with you. Sometimes a few is better than a lot.

[withoutthelove_]

For me personally, I only respond to threads where I know something about the issue (telling T about transference, narc mother, etc.) and tend to read through but not answer most of the threads on here.

I'm sorry you feel like you aren't heard or appreciated on here, but know it isn't the case. There's a whole variety of reasons why sometimes your threads aren't "hot topics" or answered, and it's all dependent on different people's online times and how they're coping. It has nothing to do with you as a person, I swear.

[coolibrarian]

Thank you all. It helps a great deal to hear that people are reading my posts, even though you might not respond. I realize that my presence here is twofold: getting support for myself, and offering support for others. I hope I have shown support for others here. ;-)

[Petra5ed]

It's not just you . The other day I felt like an outcast even in this forum. It seems like some people have a lot of friends and private chats on here. I've been around for a long time and have almost none.

The rule of life is people only think about and for themselves. It's not about you, or me. If I want a friend I have to initiate. I'm too ugly or weird for anyone to approach on their own... so I just need to learn how to initiate. I'm just waiting for my next life now.

we read but very rarely post for personal reasons but if you ever need a friend we are here for you
for petra5ed too ♥

[tinyrabbit]

You're definitely not a horrible person.

[RFS711]

i almost never respond to threads besides my own because i'm afraid that i would give bad advice. Sometimes i hug/thank posts but sometimes i don't because i don't want to forget anybody. Sorry everyone that feels left out. i don't mean it and i'm sure nobody else means it either. Sorry.