[Annie's mind]

Hi everyone. Although this is my first post, I have to say I've been coming to pc, and reading posts and getting to know you all a little bit.

I finally decide to write because I feel on a major crisis.

I've been with my current therapist for 6 months now (I've been in therapy 3 years so far with other 2 ts)

I'm scared to talk to her. I have strong transference issues (with all my previous t too). And I'm terribly afraid to discuss them with her. I hate being so attached to her, feeling needy and abandoned every time for no reason.

Last session I sort of "pretended" to be ok, talked about positive stuff and seemed hopeful. My T was happy about it. But reality is that no matter how many good things happen to me, the depresion and the anxiety are always present. I don't want to complain every session about the same stuff.

I also feel I'm not getting anywhere. My t knows about my attachment issues, my social phobia, low-self esteem, overweight issues, difficulty interacting with people and feelings of inferiority. Sometimes we get to talk about that, at least on a superficial level, but nothing seems to change.

I know for sure that she is a very qualified T, and that is willing to help me and discuss even the hardest issues such as transference and my relationship with her.

But I can't do it. She asks me every session how am I doing, and all I can do is say "ok". Then 'I get blocked or talk about something stupid, not getting to the real issues.

I really can't stand the suffering anymore. The pressure is building up and I feel I'm going to explode anytime.

I ask you all to give me a hand. I'm afraid to talk about this to anyone I know, my T included.

Thanks for listening.
Hugs
Annie

[Sailaway]

Hello Annie, I have had plenty of issues talking with the psycho police (as I like to call her) too. It's not an easy ventrure to discuss your innermost thoughts and fears with another human being. So many times at the beginning of our time together, she would ask "How are you?" and I would say "I'm fine." What a crock of crap and if she is even remotely decent at what she does for a living she will know that your "I'm ok" really translates into I'm really not ok.

Can you print your post off and give it to her? That might help you. I wish I had done that when I had the chance. Therapy is over for me now. Take care.

~Sailaway

hey annie, nice to have you here :-)
I so know what you mean about transference issues...
i would never ever ever ever ever not in one million years say anything whatsoever to my t about my transference issues.
nope
not going to happen
nuh huh.
even though i know he knows all about them (academically)
even though i know he would be willing to talk about them (rationally)
still
nope
ain't gonna happen

sometimes impasse's can be reached because there is this thing... that one tries to avoid... kind of the elephant in the room situation. where what one really needs to do is to take a bit of a risk and reach out... so that your t gets the chance to respond well and so that your trust is recieved well and you feel that little bit closer and more connected to her.

i put on a happy face too. i remember i had this t who used to greet me with 'how are you?' in the waiting room. i used to say 'okay' and smile. one day she asked me why i had said that in the waiting room when i burst into tears once we got to her office. sheesh... i didn't think she really wanted to know, i thought she was just making a polite greeting and so i responded appropriately. i can't even say 'terrible' in the session really because the words 'how are you' are this social nicety... i have trouble with thinking that saying 'crap' can be appropriate.

i've said where i'm at with respect to talking about transference issues... but maybe you are in a different place? sounds like you have been thinking about taking a bit of a risk with that...

maybe what your t is trying to do is to stabilise you. to create a safe place for you. so that when you are ready... you can start talking about the hard stuff. maybe she is waiting for you to initiate it because she doesn't want to push you until you are ready.

if you could indicate that you are ready...

maybe...

she is just waiting for her cue.

[January]

Hi Annie,

Welcome to PC. Please do print your post and hand it to your t. I think it will work out fine then.

Jan

HI Annie, My T says it takes a long time for permenant inner change to occur. Just give time time!

Hi Annie and Welcome!

I agree that it would be a great idea to print your post and take it to your T.

The things you talk about in your post are really good things to.. .talk about! She is there to help you with just this kind of thing.

And I know I have also gone in and pretended everything was fine. I may have been looking for rescue from her... that she could somehow read my mind, know my thoughts and feelings, and attempt to get me to talk. And, it is perfectly ok to have good things to report. When things are going good there are things about that to talk about too!

Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing well but stuck and she can help you.

ECHOES