I have a question; scared to talk about it

Could it be depression that would make one paranoid. I hear things; not voices; but I always think someone is watching me or in my house all the time. I walk aroung checking to see if someone is there or if the doors are locked. Like I say, its not voices, it just noises that I hear. Maybe they were there before but didnt bother me then. Does that mean I am totally losing it? Do any of you constantly look over your shoulder. My nightmares are getting worse. I see my ex in my dreams all the time. Some of it is things that have happened but some not. I also have dreams about my childhood; the bad memories seem to come out when I am asleep. I only sleep 2-3hrs a night; but wake up in fear and panic. I dont want to even try to sleep anymore. At least when I am awake it makes more sense. Lately, the worse they get, the more my paranoid feelings get. I have woken my household in screams; man I scare the heck out of everyone. My kids have said that they have heard me cring in my sleep. So unfair to them. What the heck is going on in my head?? Can anyone relate??? I have had problems for years with nightmares but its getting out of control and I am ready to collapse, so tired.
itsjustme

I used to be afraid of night coming; even more afraid to go to sleep because I just knew someone was going to break in and kill me. I'd hear all sorts of freaky sounds. Still do sometimes when I'm stressed out, but not very often.

Years later, in therapy, I found out that it was a hidden fear I carried with me from childhood. Used to have nightmares, too, but again, that was from my childhood. My T also told me that our subconscious brings up dreams when it's trying to deal with something. If you write your nightmares down, your T may be able to make sense of them.

You can't help what goes on in your sleep, what you do or what you dream so don't put a guilt trip on yourself because you're kids hear you. Just explain to them that you are dealing with some sad things that happened to you and that everything will be okay. It will, you know.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Thank you very much. I will try to write these down. I have many issues from my childhood and teenage years. Its like all of the tramatic things that has happened come out in my dreams; sometimes all mixed into a continuous dream. I have said that to my kids but they fear that mommy will have to go to the hospital when I say anything about being sad or having a bad day. I find it hard to say anything to them because they get scared. Many bad fears for them as I had been hospitalized several times through out their lives. One thing I do try to instill; its not their fault.
itsjustme.

I can certainly understand their fears as well as yours, but look at it this way. When they get older and you are much, much better, they'll look back and say "Mom sure did work hard to make life better for us and herself. I'm sure proud of Mom!" I can't say that about my own mom. I can't help but believe that she knew better but was afraid to try. What I do is give her credit for what she could do and did do, but she left a lot for me to fix. Not so you!

For what it's worth, I think you "have it going on." You know your shortcomings and you're doing what it takes to fix them! Have some pride and faith in yourself! {{{{{{{{{{{{ItsMe}}}}}}}}}}}}}}





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>