[sunrise]

How do you start your therapy sessions? I am never quite sure how to start mine. Even though I really like my T, and feel like I've "bonded" with him, I feel shy when sitting there opposite him, not having seen him for a week or two and faced with the responsibility of choosing our direction for the hour. Does everyone's T let them choose how to start? Or do some T's play more of an active role in kicking things off? I sometimes feel I have a thousand things to discuss, and how do I choose the most important for that day? We only have one hour together each week and I want to make best use of the time. Do you decide before the session what the topic will be? I have said to him before at the beginning of a session, "well there are a lot of things we could talk about," and he always says, "I'm all ears." I usually seem to choose a different topic each week and he never objects. Is this what most people do? Or do you talk about the same issue each week, picking up in one session where you have left off in the previous? Heck, am I even doing therapy right, lol?

sunny

I'm always very nervous and embarrassed to start with. I try and smile at t but can't manage much more than that really. I've had therapists in the past who think that it is my job to provide the subject matter / direction for the session and they will sit there in silence until I come up with something. That can be really very painful and usually that strategy ends badly with them terminating me because they think I don't really want therapy.

Some others have sort of been of the same mindset but they have taken a little more pity on me so they are willing to attempt to help me get started. Some attempt to engage me in small talk at the beginning... Some questions when they see me floundering... Can help me get it out.

My current t is very directive. Not in an over-powering bad way. I think I could raise whatever if I wanted to. But I don't really... And he is happy to direct the sessions and to ask me questions about stuff and such. In fact... It is getting to the point (for the first time in my life) where I actually want to say 'hey! I want to talk about this!' and take some of the responsibility for the direction myself. So that is progress for me.

:-)

I normally end up crossing my arms tight then saying something ilke "I don't know what to say" and T will reply "yes, but your here" or something like that...I've been with this t for 2 1/2 yrs and it hasn't got much easier. I use to try and work out my strategy before the session, but as T pointed out when we talked about that, it was me trying to "control" the therapy to feel safe...what ever you talk about is important no matter whether its off the top of your head...or something you've taken with you that session..as my T says.."If therapy was too comfortable, then it wouldnt be working at a deeper level" I thought that very encouraging.

Well my therapist reminds me that this is my time and my choice of the direction to take. I would rather she lead, but I think that is not good for me and she knows that.

Sometimes I do have something I want to talk about or work on in mind when I go.. then we will talk a few minutes and something else comes to mind and that's okay.

And yes it is good to go back and talk about things again. Every time you talk about them you bring your current perspective. Sometimes things happen or you learn something that makes you thing about that topic again and you feel like talking about it.

It is your time to talk about anything you want. And you can ask how you are doing. It sounds like you are doing fine.

Here's a site I like that you might too. The question/answer section is particularly interesting and it seemed like many of my own questions were there! www.guidetopsychology.com .



ECHOES

[Pughead]

If there is something particular I want to discuss, I'll take the lead...otherwise I let him do it. He'll pretty much just start asking questions to get the ball rolling.

[Perna]

I would think of a strong impression or feeling I'd had; an incident that bothered me during the week (including dreams). My T was helpful once by giving me the assignment of thinking of a particular "smaller"/not obvious emotion while I was away; the first week she suggested "humiliation" and the next, "disappointment." That focused me for the week and I had lots to report as those particular feelings jumped out at me in their week (and others). Helped me understand my emotions and how they worked and that they were always there even when it didn't seem like it. The particular humiliation experience made me angry and I got the whole range and a really big "a-ha" experience that stayed with me and was wonderful. Then the disappointment week, I learned how I had taken in my stepmother's rules/beliefs without questioning them. At first I use to hate when my T would make a comment close to the time to leave a session (because I wouldn't react until I'd left and I'd be stuck with the feelings while "alone") but then it became helpful and I got better able to respond to her in the moment.

My previous T would give me assignments - this started in the last 6 months of Therapy. She started out getting slightly annoyed if i came in with a more pressing issue - then as time progressed she came down on me like a ton of bricks - like "you're not being consistent" - the first 3 years it was talk about anything that you want - it didn't change until she went "holastic" and wanted me to learn about crystal healing and the medicine wheel and such.

I am with a new T right now - only about 3 weeks and I just can't seem to stop talking - I feel like at some point he's going to say "hey how about some structure here - how about some goals" but he hasn't so far.

I guess my life feels so mixed up that being able to talk to someone seems like such a relief. But according to my friends I have a hard time being quiet anyway.LOL

[withit]

Whatever's on my mind, or has been on my mind...
For example, I'd start by saying, "I feel guilty about..." or, "I feel like you've had enough of me," or, "I'm having a hard time dealing with this friend...," or, "There's something on my mind but it's so hard for me to talk about it, could you help me along..," or "I feel like one huge failure..."
She's usually very helpful in helping me express the rest of 'the story'.

[SeptemberMorn]

My T would always say... "Well? Catch me up!" ... That's HER grin, not mine. LOL

[sunrise]

Thanks for chiming in, everyone.

It's interesting hearing the different ways people's therapy sessions begin, which seems at least partly due to our very different therapists and how they handle things. Quite a diversity out there, but many people same as me--the T has made it your responsibility for choosing how to start the session. In my case, I don't see it really as my trying to control the session (like what mouse wrote), but maybe just me having to be adult and take responsibility for the direction of my therapy. It made me feel better, like "I'm not alone" to hear some others also have trouble kicking things off at the beginning of a session. Maybe with time I will get over this "shyness" or maybe I won't. SeptemberMorn, I like how your T says "catch me up!" Very inviting. For me, the difficulty is starting out, but once we get started and I settle down, we have no trouble filling the hour.

Sunrise, I meant that for me, trying to think of things to talk about before therapy was an unconsiouis attempt to avoid any feelings that may arise by just letting the session take its natural course, hence controlling my feelings.

[sunrise]

OK, mouse, I understand now. Thanks for clarifying.

I find that what I will kick off the session with often "comes to me" sometime in the interval between therapies. For me, it's good not to force it or think too much about it, and then it just comes. I do need to be focused on moving forward and being efficient in the therapy since I am working toward a specific goal with a time limit--don't have the luxury of being inefficient, at least not toooo inefficient.

[(JD)]

I try to make sure I say, "Hi" at least before going into the latest events of my life

[Christina86]

My therapist always asks me how I am at the beginning of each session ... that usually starts it off. If I started rambling about things that are clearly "surface topics" or irrelevant and he can see I'm upset about something - He will call me on it.

[JonB]

I've been enjoying this thread. You know I love to read what others are doing so I can copy everyone's homework and have something to say to my T.

We always start with him asking "how it's going" or "what's new" and I say "fine" or "same old thing." Then he'll ask me about meds and my health in general and he try to get me talking by asking me about any surface stuff I've mentioned lately...job, family, etc. I've never been one to jump right in with both feet so he usually just keeps me talking about something benign until I bring up something else or ask a question.

I'm going to do an experiment, since I have not yet had my first session of the new year. I'm going to try starting the session in a different way each week. Sitting in a different chair. Or starting off with a bang. Or maybe a quick song and dance...just kidding. I'm going to try to something each time that is different from just coming in and saying hi. Sounds easy now, but when I'm faced with it later this week, my something different might be to turn around and walk back out! It's something to do anyway and boy am I bored - can't sleep, can't think, totally distractible, summer vacation, "Mom I'm bored" - bored.

My "101 Things to Do Different in Therapy" will be my new unboredom project...WoooHooo. Something to think about while I'm up all night tonight.

I keep brief notes from the session before and start with any unfinished "old business" or report on my homework or weekly goals.

I would prefer that the therapist did this instead of me but that led to the dreaded opening silence so I established this opening routine myself.