[GenCat]

So I've been wanting to ask T to lunch for awhile now. Is that too weird? Even if it was just in her office with us both eating our lunch. I think it would be a friendly thing to do.

[growlycat]

T may say yes if it is during a session.

[stopdog]

What therapeutic purpose would it serve?

[Leah123]

Socializing with therapists isn't typically considered ethical, though I know your counselor has agreed in the past. Many clients would like to push at boundaries- do you see this as being helpful to your therapeutic goals, and is it helpful in a way you couldn't achieve with others?

[growlycat]

Your T may ask "why" , just be ready for some legit answers…

like,
to feel more connected by doing something normal together
to feel more at ease in session
to take the pressure off the intensity of session time

etc etc

Main T would often have coffee and sometimes bagels for us if we met in the AM---felt like a bonding "thing" to me. I don't see anything wrong with it.

[RTerroni]

I would say that going to Lunch with your Therapist does cross the line in many circumstances but there may be certain unique circumstances where it may be OK.

Although I should say that I see nothing wrong with having Lunch with your Therapist inside of the Therapy room, I even mentioned this to my outgoing Therapist before and while we were never able to get anything planed out we did agree that it may be possible to do.

[Parley]

Originally Posted by GenCat

So I've been wanting to ask T to lunch for awhile now. Is that too weird? Even if it was just in her office with us both eating our lunch. I think it would be a friendly thing to do.

I think it's weird but I'm not very friendly.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by GenCat

So I've been wanting to ask T to lunch for awhile now. Is that too weird? Even if it was just in her office with us both eating our lunch. I think it would be a friendly thing to do.

In the therapy room I could see it being allowed. But going out to eat? Count on that being a definite no unless you have an eating disorder or something like that.

[brillskep]

I know uit's not my place to give a recommendation and if you don't find it useful you may as well discar it, but since you posted the question I'll tell you what i think. I've read some posts by you about your therapeutic relationship and boundary crossings and I don't recommend you ask her to lunch. It's not weird as you say, many clients want things like this. It's good to talk about it and often more useful than acting it out. Discover your needs from this fantasy. However, in your case, it sounds to me a little bit like your T doesn't know ans protect her boundaries well enough. You seemed to be confused and concerned in the past. What would happen if she said yes? How would you interpret her motives? What if she said no, would you feel rejected?

[Patagonia]

IMHO don't think it's a great idea, but it never hurts to just ask.

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[grimtopaz]

Please ask yourself the following questions before asking her:

Why do you want to ask her? I know most people would love to have lunch with their T, but I am wondering if this isn't a way to test her boundaries.

How would you feel if she says "yes, lets go have lunch!", will you be concerned that her boundaries are "too loose"? What about if she says "no, it's outside the scope of our professional relationship". Will you be angry that she crossed all sorts of boundaries before and now she is "pulling back"?

Personally, I think testing a therapist's boundaries is a no-win situation (unless the therapist has been extremely consistent and firm with their boundaries). If they let a patient cross the boundary, the patient will continue to push.

Moreover, I sometimes think that there is some ambivalence about therapists who let patient cross boundaries - while the patient is originally thrilled and made to feel "special", there is also the growing suspicious that the therapist is not being professional and using the patient to gratify their needs.

Given what you have said about your T in the past, I think it's a bad idea. But ultimately it is your decision and you will do as you intend. If I remember correctly (my apologies if I am incorrect), you were struggling about telling your T that you are bi and might have some feelings for her? I would explore that first.

Take care,

my t and i have been out to lunch and dinner bunches of times. its always fun

[hinzc7711]

Reminds me of a old saying, "no such thing as a free lunch". Sorry had to get it out there.

I would think lunch can be part of a session, nothing more!

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[junkDNA]

my T took me to lunch and paid for it. sometimes i eat lunch with him on campus. but we have a special relationship because im in a residential treatment program. we were celebrating my graduation to the next level when he took me to lunch. and it was with my recovery coordinator as well. i dont really know what to say to you. my Ts boundaries are pretty blurred because of the situation im in. he is able to offer me a lot more than a normal T with a private practice would

[msxyz]

I definitely would not to have lunch with my therapist, but I also don't like going for lunch with other people, either. I don't like to talk while I eat.

[Jdog123]

My T and I brought in some food (sparkling cider, chocolate, and strawberries) to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of the day we started working together. We did it in her office, discussed that it wouldn't be part of the boundaries to go somewhere. It was nice, and while we were eating it was not like a session in that it was more chit-chatty. We spent about 20 minutes doing this and then 30 minutes talking. THough my T and I do have lighter sessions from time to time and do start every session with lighter chatting, I must admit that it was kind of strange at first because it was a more 'social' activity, which we'd never done. I didn't think about that ahead of time.