[ThisWayOut]

Found out today T is leaving the agency at the beginning of July... I was already getting depressed, this just nudged me farther along... and it's pointless to try to find a new T because I will be moving across country in August. So, whatever...

[HazelGirl]

I am so sorry.

[Raging Quiet]

Will your t be referring you for any other support?

I'm so sorry

[coolibrarian]

I'm sorry this happened to you, and I wish you had more time to process it before T leaves.

[Perna]

Oh, that's hard. I'd come up with something to do in July as a bridge to your new adventure moving across country in August.

[RTerroni]

Sorry about that, I just lost my last Therapist this past week.

[healingme4me]

((((ThisWayOut))))
Sounds like, with your move, you'd be on the lookout for a new T, as it is?
Not to grammatically point out, but to point out, for intent and purpose of your inner feelings, perhaps, there's a significant, to me typo. Is your T, a figure, like that for you?


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[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

((((ThisWayOut))))
Sounds like, with your move, you'd be on the lookout for a new T, as it is?
Not to grammatically point out, but to point out, for intent and purpose of your inner feelings, perhaps, there's a significant, to me typo. Is your T, a figure, like that for you?


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Not sure what you mean by that last part... Trying to re-read what I wrote, and read what you write, but my little brain is not comprehending at the moment. T a figure in what way?

Also, yes, was going to look for a new t anyway, but won't be able to do that till after I move. Being down here is just really difficult to begin with, and now my wife has already moved to help settle in our once - again state. It's very lonely down here, and t was a huge support. I'm not good with large changes, or with loss. I know it all goes back a long time, but I stuck at fixing things. No sense of self unless others are around... stuff I definitely need to still work on, but stuff none the less. I know I'm taking it harder than I should. I know I should be able to shrug it off and get on with life, but I can't... I know it will be ok in the long run, but it hurts like hell in the moment. Abandonment sucks, and imagined abandonment sucks worse because there is no basis for it. I should be able to change my thinking around it, but I just can't right now...
I suck...i take too much and ask for too much and never make a big enough effort to change. I suck the life and energy out if everyone and everything around me...

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

Not sure what you mean by that last part... Trying to re-read what I wrote, and read what you write, but my little brain is not comprehending at the moment. T a figure in what way?

Also, yes, was going to look for a new t anyway, but won't be able to do that till after I move. Being down here is just really difficult to begin with, and now my wife has already moved to help settle in our once - again state. It's very lonely down here, and t was a huge support. I'm not good with large changes, or with loss. I know it all goes back a long time, but I stuck at fixing things. No sense of self unless others are around... stuff I definitely need to still work on, but stuff none the less. I know I'm taking it harder than I should. I know I should be able to shrug it off and get on with life, but I can't... I know it will be ok in the long run, but it hurts like hell in the moment. Abandonment sucks, and imagined abandonment sucks worse because there is no basis for it. I should be able to change my thinking around it, but I just can't right now...
I suck...i take too much and ask for too much and never make a big enough effort to change. I suck the life and energy out if everyone and everything around me...

Farther v. Further along, and my intial thought was father figure. I do, things like that when i write, take a moment to reflect on my writings, either corrections or as is. I get the basis of word slips was coined by Freud and I've discovered there's such a huge rift. Nearly political to mention him around these parts... :eyeroll: i digress there. Pointed it out, as potential for inner breakthrough where your discomfort at T's departure brought this out.
Even when you can roll with the punches and handle change, there's going to be stresses that just seem to keep adding to everything. I've yet, to meet anyone that doesn't get stressed by anything. Big changes are big for a reason.
Do you have any more sessions with him? How many will be missed in between his departure and your relocation?

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[ThisWayOut]

Ah, I see. No, definitely not father figure. 1) female t so would more likely be mother figure (or aunt figure, as aunt played huge mother role (along with my actual mom) prior to her passing, which compounds loss felt at "loss" of t. Add to that the losses coming up with the move, and the loss of the house which was originally aunt's house before she died... I'm having trouble not being buried by all that). 2) hate my father and would be happy if I managed to lose him from my life already. Probably only the 2nd loss I'd be happy with. First is his other sister, who is horrid but likely will live forever... I have no issue with Freud, but that was just poor grammar
She offered twice weekly sessions, which I'm beginning to think she wishes I did not accept, so will see her 6 times before she leaves. She had mentioned moving on to a job that is "less intense" yet she offered extra sessions. Go figure... I have a feeling she may back out as the time for her leaving gets closer. I had a few gut feelings about her and this position as we worked together, and so far I have been correct... I think she only offered because I had very recently asked for more support leading up to the move. July is a heavily triggering month for me... sucks that I'm losing her support right before. I think I may ask her for a referral to someone just in case. I hope I won't need it, but I was already kinda sinking before she told me she was leaving. I'm trying hard not to be selfish about this, as I know she needs to take care of herself, but the little kid in me is throwing a screaming fit... I never cry, but I couldn't keep the tears in today when she told me, they just spilled out. I didn't mean to... I couldn't say anything to her either for several minutes because I don't think I could have kept from sobbing. So I just sat there playing with my ring as my face got wet.

[healingme4me]

It's good you are going to try for a referral to cover that time lapse.
Does father figure, have to be male, in terms of the role your t fills? If she's there, to help give strength and emotional independence, isn't that a paternal role? As a single mom, to. Boys, i oft wonder which roles are which, as I raise them, hence, feeling it can be gender neutral for certain intents and purposes.

Losing a home, with memories, is tough, tough, tough.

Didn't mean, to leave this thread hanging, sleep, kids, brief check ins here...life, out and about...the usual, for me...

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[ThisWayOut]

no worries about the slow reply. My panic about being a bother comes up, and sometimes I need reality checks on what is appropriate... feeling way too vulnerable these last few weeks, and more so these last 2 days. I know people have lives. I sometimes I wish I had more of one so I could get out of my own way at least some of the time... I'm off to try something new tomorrow with a local meetup group, so hoping I can pull myself together by the morning. I need to be all smiles and happy for that until I can actaully let go and enjoy the experience. I love outdoors and the water, so it should be easy to slip into a peaceful state there (I hope... I really hope).

I think, becuse I have such strongly negative associations with my father, that I cringe at the thought of a father figure. I guess it's pretty gender-neutral in the long run, but should be supportive and helpful, as any parent should be... It sucks that so much loss is coming at an already difficult time of the year. And I don't know how to stop writing my own story (and thus increasing my guilt, depsression, and self-loathing) onto T's story... I think I am projecting way too much of myself onto her based on a few, vague statements. I was a clinician many moons ago... seeing her walk away to something "less intensive" triggers my own guilt over leaving my clients behind. It also triggers feeling abandoned. It keeps rolling together into a snowball that just gets bigger and bigger. I keep trying to tease it all out in my head, but I am not all that successful right now.
I'm still undecided abot seeking a referal, but the rational side of me says it would be the right thing to do (in terms of self-care)... I don't know. I am not sure where to turn for that right now. Most T's are notoriously poor at referrals here. It shocked me when I first moved here because I came from a culture of helping clients (and being helped by T's) to connect with other resources. It had never been acceptable to simply say "I don't know of anyone" and leave it at that. I'm no longer shocked by that in this state. Even hospitals have no resources outside of their "go-to" agency...
Thank you for responding. I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful or whiney at any point... I don't mean to be. I'm over-whelmed, and it comes off as snotty... sorry. I'm trying to work on presentation.