I think this has been the longest week of my life. I feel physically sick when I think about meeting with my T on Friday (after transference disclosure and what I perceive as his change in warmth towards me)
I have realised this week that I felt so bad about his reaction due to a fear of emotional abandonment which has been a theme of my life (don't know why I never realised this before) and I am so desperate to tell my T that it physically hurts. But, when I have communicated with T this week (setting up an appt) his texts seemed so cold and distant that it makes me so nervous to see him, yet I'm so desperate to.
I have to go through a birthday party for my son 2 hours before the appt; I think I am going to be a wreck. I'm already a wreck and it's 2 days away. I want to tell him all that I am feeling, but I just don't know how I (or he) will deal with it.
How do I get through the next 2 days?

[HazelGirl]

Don't mind read. You may be looking for rejection and finding it where it doesn't exist.

thanks. I think there's an element of that: repeating patterns of emotional abandonment from my past, but in an email he sort of admitted he had reacted defensively, calling it 'immediacy'. Its not really the idea of rejection that's so hard for me now, its mostly that I have made this big realisation about myself that really want to share with him, but until I see him its impossible to say if our relationship is the same and I can talk about those things.

[CantExplain]

Fear is one of the most difficult emotions to overcome. Anger and sadness can draw the patient in to therapy but fear pushes her away.

[iheartjacques]

I'm sick with nerves myself after walking out yesterday, and not knowing if I'll get something next week, or the regular appt in 2 weeks, or even a text or email!