When are you next seeing your T? #3

Tomorrow. But it still feels really far away. For some reason Saturday just seems like forever away. i think it might be because I'm so used to seeing t's on weekdays.

On 11 Sep. It's actually the school holidays next week but my (school) T wanted to do a quick check to see how I'm doing since I was feeling suicidal. I can hardly wait and I really need to vent to her because I'm having a really horrible/stressful/tough week and no one else gets it but her!

Monday..

Well I finally called to make a new appointment, after several weeks. She actually had a canceled appointment, so I got in on this upcoming Monday morning.

Still no idea...

Wednesday. But it's been 2 weeks. It's a little bit of a good thing - I get past some of my T-stress, and into a place where I'm ready and a little excited (dare I say!) to see T. But I'm about ready to start trying weekly, I think. If only I could figure out how to get the money out my HSA to offset the cost. Oh... Fidelity... you are not going to make this easy for me, are you?!

Anyway, I'm excited and nervous for Wednesday. I have a LIST of things to talk about!

Next week.. Urghhhhh. I was rushing/running home from the city with a massive tension headache but really wanting to go to my appointment (but knowing I would be about 20-25 minutes late), getting frustrated and wishing I could get through to their phone or that they would call me. Eventually she called and wanted to chat but I was on the freaking train and there were people around. I guess she at least said she was thinking of me though we would have to cancel, but I feel sad because her contract is ending in 2 months time and I am on limited time with her! The irony is that I was learning about, of all things, psychiatry in university which caused me to be late and have to cancel my session which is making me agitated and sad! In the past I guess I didn't care so much if it was cancelled but now knowing our sessions are almost ending I feel so upset about missing one. But my education is first priority :'(.

Does this not feel a bit counterproductive, that I feel like I'm so dependent on her and feeling anxious regarding not being able to explain my situation properly, or like maybe she thinks I don't care even though I do? I definitely see how she has helped me through my roughest times, but getting attached to someone like this is actually a bit painful sometimes especially knowing soon I'll never see her again.

17Th. Of this month

Today. In 3 hours.

Tomorrow at 2:00 I hope, she had to cancel the previous two weeks, and I was out of town the week before so it seems like forever sense I have seen her and things haven't been great.

Not until the 25th. I'm on his waiting list in case he has any cancellations so I can get in sooner, but I doubt there will be any.

In 20 minutes..

Tomorrow - I want to see her and yet I don't!

in 4 hours…must sleep!

I was supposed to see her today but as she's busy, we've rescheduled... I'm okay with it but something is missing...

Soonish, I got my insurance straightened out. Group next week.

A whole week! So long!

I see her tomorrow afternoon!

Wednesday!

Not until Tuesday, though I could really use her right now. Finally slept well after bawling my eyes out for hours --dunno if she'll be happy to hear that or not

Everyday Monday through friday..

Group on Monday, individually on the 4th but I need her earlier than that!

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Tomorrow @ 4 p.m.

A whole week away. I saw him today and I know this next week is going to feel like a month.

Thursday, though after that I get to see him twice the following week. New schedule, had to dial back due to finances and other obligations. Use to do twice a week every week but dialed it back to twice a week every other but I do see him every week at least once though.