[RTerroni]

As many of you know my session last week with the person who was assigned to me after my last Therapist left the practice didn't go well and I told her (since she is the assistant director and assigns Therapists to Clients) to find someone else for me, she mentioned that they do have 2 Male Therapists (although 1 is only there on Fridays which is the day of the week that I am usually the busiest) and of the remaining Female Therapists 2 of them are completely booked. I left a message for her yesterday afternoon but have yet to hear back from her. So my question to you is should I seriously consider seeing a Male Therapist or should I stay with a Female since all of the Therapists that I have ever seen (going back to when I was a kid) have been Female.

[growlycat]

Have you ever had a male T?

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Have you ever had a male T?

No never, I have had Male Psychiatrists and Psychologists before but never a Male Therapist.

[HazelGirl]

I say try out a male. It might be better than you realize.

A psychologist is a therapist.

[growlycat]

I was wondering if the dynamic with a male therapist felt different than w/a female. For example, do you tend to form a crush on all female T's? Do you feel competitive with male T's? Stuff like that.

A male T could bring a fresh perspective.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

A psychologist is a therapist.

True but they have added responsibilities, either way the only Male Psychologist that I remember seeing for a long period of time (which was only a year I believe) I saw when I was in 2nd Grade (or around than) but I also saw a Therapist at the school that I went to (who was Female).

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I was wondering if the dynamic with a male therapist felt different than w/a female. For example, do you tend to form a crush on all female T's? Do you feel competitive with male T's? Stuff like that.

It's hard to say I did mention in another post that I hope that I am not being too shallow in wanting another Therapist, I will say that while I did not find the new Therapist to be attractive at all I think that the main reason why I told her that she wasn't a good match was because she was too much older than me (20 years older but she looked like she could have been 30 years older).

[JustShakey]

I think it would be good for you to try a male T. The dynamic can be very different. I know I work a lot better with a male T.
I also suspect you get a little too content in the transference with a female T.

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[Raindropvampire]

I've learned that I have to have a female T. Last male T I had tried to comfort me while I was talking about past trauma and it didn't end well. Fortunately he didn't press any charges and admitted that he was mainly at fault since he had misread the situation and tried to hug me. I'm not nearly as confrontational or distrustful with a female T. I will say how can you know which you like better unless you try both?

[iheartjacques]

I always had female. My psychiatrist is the first male I've had. And it's been really good. been able to have a healthy relationship with strict boundaries. Quite a few males have had a huge impact on my life. Just right now I'm so mad and frustrated and in tears. But that would've happened with a female as well in the past.

[tinyrabbit]

I love having a male T. It can't hurt to try right?

[Favorite Jeans]

You're overthinking this. Try it out one of the male T's and see how it goes. I've got to add that the reason you give for not wanting to continue with the therapist you just saw (her age and her looks) is a flimsy one. If you want a romantic partner, you're not going to find it in a T but perhaps a T can help you explore ways to get what you're looking for in your other relationships.

RTerroni,
I've read your posts for a while now and I've always enjoyed them. I guess that's because I can relate to what you're talking about in regard to wanting a therapist who GETS what I'm facing in life, not someone who is just saying they "understand". My preference is for a therapist who is NOT in their 20's, 30's or 40's. I want to work with someone who understands on a very personal level the issues I'm dealing with: retirement, aging, declining health and fear of dying before I accomplish all that I want to. (I just turned 60) I don't want to sit in an office looking across the coffee table at an unlined face, youthful energy and hair that isn't white or grey.

That said, I have also always gone to a female therapist, feeling that I could only talk on a deep, intimate level with someone of my own gender. After moving and leaving my therapist of three years behind, I was faced with a familiar creeping depression following a major health issue . . .not to mention the sudden pain of being retired and not being prepared for all the emotional baggage that brings. I tried a few female therapists but didn't feel the connection. Just for the heck of it, I booked a consultation appt. with a male therapist. Wow! Talk about an eye opening experience for this old lady I like this guy and find our connection to be solid and enlightening. I wish I'd tried this experiment sooner. Give it a try, you might be surprised . . . and if it doesn't work you've lost nothing!
Good luck!

[RTerroni]

Jaybird57- I think that you are very similar to me in what you want in a Therapist, you want someone close to your age, since you are in your 60s you don't want someone in their 20s or 30s (or even 40s) and I can very much relate to that since I am in my 30s I don't really want to see someone who is in their 50s or 60s.

[Parley]

I think if you are able to get a male therapist now, it couldn't hurt to try for a few sessions. At least until you can get in with someone else. If you feel you don't want/need therapy until your preference has an opening then maybe you could talk to him about that.

[unaluna]

You guys are ageists!! Fie! Sorry dr john i cant support that

[Parley]

Originally Posted by hankster

You guys are ageists!! Fie! Sorry dr john i cant support that

I confess.. I am too. I wouldn't want someone in there 20's or 30's.

[freefallin]

I'm 25 and definitely felt weird when I saw much older therapists. A few months ago I went to a guy in his 50s. I think he said he was 56 or 57. Very nice guy with the most adorable therapy dog, but it felt like his primary concern was with justifying my dad's actions by discussing his experiences as a father.

[CameraObscura]

RTerroni, I think maybe you should give it a shot. I'm not all that frequent a commenter here, but I read a lot, and you do seem to get comfortable in transference with your therapists. It seems like you might be selecting them on the basis of whether you could develop transference - attractive, female, near your own age - rather than on the basis of competence, skills, experience, or that interpersonal "click".

Maybe try a few sessions and see how it goes? Without the erotic kind of transference, you might go whole new places.

Originally Posted by hankster

You guys are ageists!! Fie! Sorry dr john i cant support that

I must be too. I'm in my 50's and would no sooner go to the therapist in their 20's or 30's if you paid me. It isn't so much about age as it is about life experience -- having a common starting point of experience. I also prefer a therapist who has been married (whether they still are or not doesn't matter to me) and has children (preferably old enough that as parents they've seen them through at least a good portion of adolescence -- this why a young therapist wouldn't work for me). I don't think needing your therapist to have some sort of common starting point isn't "ist" anything. Seems pretty natural.

Originally Posted by CameraObscura

It seems like you might be selecting them on the basis of whether you could develop transference - attractive, female, near your own age - rather than on the basis of competence, skills, experience, or that interpersonal "click".

Maybe try a few sessions and see how it goes? Without the erotic kind of transference, you might go whole new places.

You seem to try to set yourself up so transference will occur (which seems really odd). Maybe therapy where that doesn't become the focus might be more productive for you.

[Petra5ed]

I've seen both genders, have to say I could see myself seeing either in the future. I think there are pro's and con's to seeing same sex/opposite sex T's. Seeing a male might help you feel more understood, might be easier for you to talk about some of your stuff?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Parley

I confess.. I am too. I wouldn't want someone in there 20's or 30's.

Well i guess everybody cant be as liberated and free and openminded as i am vive le difference just sayin i have met some really smart young kids of various genders as my ts, dbt leaders, pdocs, or just student ts sitting in. I think my pdoc is 20-30 years younger than i am. Just in case i outlive my now slightly older t!

[stopdog]

I think therapy is odd enough without starting off with someone you don't want to be with for whatever reason.
I admit to being an ageist (or perhaps reverse ageist because it is people younger than 45 who I avoid) on many things. I have always wanted to be old and now I am. I am happy about it. I would definitely not see someone younger than I am.

You kids get off my lawn.