[HazelGirl]

...and it's not perfect.

My T has told me many things about her, just in the course of conversation. She is a very open person, and mentions things she's gone through if they connect to my life and struggles currently.

But at our last appointment, she mentioned something that's currently going on in her life (she was using it as an example of how you can "put away" negative emotions for a time in order to handle current things without interference). A friend of her son has recently died and they have to go to the funeral soon.

I feel sad for her, but more than that, I am surprised. Her life has problems and things go wrong. Sometimes things are outside of her control and even if she wanted to do something about them, she would be powerless to. She's really human and has all the normal problems we all have.

Have you had a moment where that sort of becomes reality and sinks in?

[RTerroni]

Absolutley and it reminds me that my Therapist is human just like anyone else.

I've never considered my therapist anything but human. Everyone has their own set of problems and struggles and crises.

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

...and it's not perfect.

My T has told me many things about her, just in the course of conversation. She is a very open person, and mentions things she's gone through if they connect to my life and struggles currently.

But at our last appointment, she mentioned something that's currently going on in her life (she was using it as an example of how you can "put away" negative emotions for a time in order to handle current things without interference). A friend of her son has recently died and they have to go to the funeral soon.

I feel sad for her, but more than that, I am surprised. Her life has problems and things go wrong. Sometimes things are outside of her control and even if she wanted to do something about them, she would be powerless to. She's really human and has all the normal problems we all have.

Have you had a moment where that sort of becomes reality and sinks in?

Oh yes, that happens quite often. And she doesn't even have to talk about it to make me realize that. I'm extremely sensitive to her feelings. Sometimes we only just started a conversation and I know for sure that something is going on in her life and that it's not good. It sucks to feel that.
Sometimes she'll tell me, sometimes not. But I appreciate it when she does say she doesn't feel well, otherwise I can take it quite personal.

[RTerroni]

Even though it's not my Therapist the fact that my main Dentist is on maternity leave right now reminds me that she is human.

[tinyrabbit]

For me, this happened when my T told me he has a pin in his wrist because he had a motorbike accident years ago. I was like: hang on, you're not invincible?!

[iheartjacques]

I get it all the time. He only works private practice one day a week.

[stopdog]

Not really. I am completely aware they are not super human. I have a lot of friends in the field and they are not free from screwed up lives.

[Favorite Jeans]

I have friends and family members who are therapists and see all the ways in which they and their lives are imperfect. But that doesn't seem to stop me from idealizing my T. Because I don't know the specifics of her issues I magically decide that there arent actually any. There's a big gap between what I know intellectually to be true and all the ideas and feelings I have about my T and therapy in general.

[Bells129]

She tells me next to nothing about her life, but someone I know is friends with her and has told me little tidbits of information about her personal life (nothing much, just a few of the basics) and when I hear these bits of info about her I get that weird feeling like being brought back to earth because I start to realize she is human, she does have a real life outside of our sessions...even though logically I already know this, I think I put her on a bit of a pedestal and see her as being a perfect human being or something and because she barely tells me anything about her life it's naturally up to my imagination to fill in the blanks.

[sweepy62]

Yes I realized that with t2 last year, when I noticed her knees and legs were a bit scraped up, I asked her what happened, and she told me, she was in survival competition. She had to run and jump and climb over things. She got hurt, she fell and lost and felt disappointed.

I said, you got injured, you had an emotion, you bled. Omg you are human. She almost passed out laughing.

I have spent a lot of time with my T outside of sessions and I realized very early on that her life is very difficult. She also tells me a good deal about her life. She has a tough one.
Also, I am married to a therapist and I know first hand how difficult a therapist's life can be behind the scenes.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Yes I realized that with t2 last year, when I noticed her knees and legs were a bit scraped up, I asked her what happened, and she told me, she was in survival competition. She had to run and jump and climb over things. She got hurt, she fell and lost and felt disappointed.

I said, you got injured, you had an emotion, you bled. Omg you are human. She almost passed out laughing.

Interesting, I wonder if the Therapist who I saw for 4 years got any bruses from snowboarding since I know she did that a lot.

[musinglizzy]

StarryNight, what do you and your T do outside of sessions? I thought that was kind of taboo.

[growlycat]

Main T is pretty open with me about his life and struggles. Love him for that.

CBT T seems a bit cagey and tells me some things and not others. So when he says something unusual it gets my attention. We spoke of therapy with my main T as being a "real relationship" and how that means he is open about when he is mad at me. CBT T said that, well, friends fight, husbands and wives fight…"

Does CBT fight with his wife?? Is all I could think!!! Those words came a bit too quickly from his lips!

With my old therapist, even after I trusted him, I always felt like just a job and that he cared way more about his real life. He would take calls from his wife in session. I never said anything, but it kind of bothered me.

[CameraObscura]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

With my old therapist, even after I trusted him, I always felt like just a job and that he cared way more about his real life. He would take calls from his wife in session. I never said anything, but it kind of bothered me.

Oooh, that would chap my buns. Taking an emergency call is one thing, that's another.

[Jdog123]

I've known all along that difficult things happen to her and she has bumps just like me and everyone. What was more of a learning curve was that she's not going to handle every situation well. One of the first things that she said to me that about this was how she sometimes snaps at her mom and can even feel bad about it. Then I also saw sometimes that in session she would do or say something that she would later apologize for and might not be the most sympathetic (though she usually is very sympathetic). So, it's more the fact that while she's a great person and a great therapist she doesn't practice what she preaches 100% of the time--she's human just like me... I completely get this now for the last couple of years, but it did come as a little bit of a surprise.

[rainbow8]

I realized it when she talked about her kids, and when I looked them up on Facebook and saw photos of them with her. I stopped looking because it's not good for me, and because I know it was wrong.

I realized my T wasn't perfect when I found out she was getting divorced.

She doesn't talk about herself at all, but i have been cyber stalking her and also I figured out which of the cars in the parking lots are hers. This is an indication of some sort of life outside of the therapy room.

The best indication is when i get a glimpse of her personality other than her therapy personality. This happens rarely, but it does happen.

[MoxieDoxie]

I love that my T is open and can share things about him and his life. It puts me at ease from the beginning. It is one of the reasons I stayed with him. I will never again see a therapist that is stiff, cold and Fort Knox boundaries.

[freefallin]

Part of why I didn't like going to therapy is that I felt pathetic blabbing about my problems to someone whose life is statistically probably not that great either. I don't have the statistics on-hand, but I believe therapists are pretty up there on the list of statistically unhappy professionals. I know psychiatrists have a very high rate of mental illness.

Originally Posted by freefallin

Part of why I didn't like going to therapy is that I felt pathetic blabbing about my problems to someone whose life is statistically probably not that great either. I don't have the statistics on-hand, but I believe therapists are pretty up there on the list of statistically unhappy professionals. I know psychiatrists have a very high rate of mental illness.

I agree. I think this is true. I always felt like my old therapist didn't really like his wife very much. Maybe he was scared of her and that's why he always took her calls?

[Bells129]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

With my old therapist, even after I trusted him, I always felt like just a job and that he cared way more about his real life. He would take calls from his wife in session. I never said anything, but it kind of bothered me.

My T takes calls from other patients during sessions sometimes it bothers me.

[Hellion]

I never really saw therapists as anything more than human, or thought they didn't have problems just like everyone else.