[stopdog]

Does the therapist ever try to tell you that you are good at something or kind or whatever when she would have no idea? Do you have a reaction?

[freefallin]

Yeah, I had a therapist tell me that I was obviously great at functioning in a work setting even though the only reason I had a job at the time was that a friend onboarded me for a large-scale freelance project she was working on and didn't report me for not hitting quota since she liked me. I was basically getting paid to sit around in front of my computer and doze off into space, paint my nails, etc. I knew I would be screwed again once the project ended (as I have been). But she wouldn't listen to my concerns and just said, "Uh, you're making money. You're obviously doing fine."

I never went back to her and told her her that sitting with her for an hour once a week and telling her my problems while she marginalized them wasn't going to make my life any better.

[HazelGirl]

I don't really know what you mean by this question.

[sweepy62]

Yes, when she tells me, oh sweepy you are great at this, oh and you have a deep soul, and a good core. Omg am I a freaking apple!!!!!!!!!! Anyway this is just me, but I react in a physiological way, such as I want to gag, or I get chills like if I seen a ghost ( not logical).

[freefallin]

I answered both "Yes but it is extremely annoying because how would the therapist know" and "Yes and I like to hear it."

It's confusing. On one hand, I like to hear it because my self esteem is really low, and it's helpful to hear something nice about myself every once in a while. At the same time, I'm thinking, "But that's not true. You have no way of knowing that," and it's annoying.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by freefallin

I answered both "Yes but it is extremely annoying because how would the therapist know" and "Yes and I like to hear it."

It's confusing. On one hand, I like to hear it because my self esteem is really low, and it's helpful to hear something nice about myself every once in a while. At the same time, I'm thinking, "But that's not true. You have no way of knowing that," and it's annoying.

Exactly! It's annoying because my T isn't there during the however many minutes are left outside of those 50 minutes per week. I'm not a saint lol But I do appreciate it. Kinda like, "well, he's trying"

I don't like either of them: agreeing is as if I get overconfident and saying 'no, that's not true' will end up in her saying I'm wrong about that or so... Sometimes I simply ignore it (which isn't too good either, I guess )

[stopdog]

Things like it is okay because your father is proud of you (how the hell would she know whether he is or not - she has never met him) - then she tried to go on and say something about how fathers are - some general crap that she has no idea about mine.

Or

"They find you kind" or "you are tender with her"- how the eff would she know?

What difference does it make to me what she thinks? What am I supposed to do with idiotic statements like those?
- I just want the woman to shut up and listen to me. Not utter complete useless nonsense that she knows nothing at all about.

[brillskep]

Not exactly. My therapist does compliment me a fair bit but it's about things he knows about me. Or things I tell him I have done in my life, so he knows those indirectly even though he hasn't witnessed them. I would be very confused if he started complimenting me on something I've never done or mentioned, out of thin air.

I didn't vote because I don't know which of the options really matches my answer. I mean, I enjoy my therapist's compliments and they have been helpful, but i don't want fake compliments without him knowing what he's talking about.

[stopdog]

I do not see how a therapist would ever have the information necessary to make such statements.
Even if one thought the therapist might know, I fail to see how it matters what they think about me. I dislike paying the woman to have my time wasted by such twattle.

[clinpsycstudent]

Ahh... yes... my feelings for my former T were increased when I told her I was afraid to come out, and her response was somewhat of, "And stay single forever? But you are so beautiful..." Her reaction completely threw me off (especially because she knew my feelings and continued to compliment me) So I said I didn't have self-esteem issues (and she agreed) ... too bad all the feelings got too much and she couldn't work with me, otherwise I would have liked to explore her responses!

[Perna]

I think it is just other people's opinions about me, which I listen to. If someone thinks I am "kind" (my therapist said she thought I was), it has to come from what I have told her or exhibited to her, etc. I may not see it or believe it or whatever but it is the other person's perception, not mine, so I don't really get a vote on that. I like other people's kind perceptions as they are seeing something I may not see and I can assume, if they see it, maybe it is there and work toward seeing it myself if I want. I often ask my husband to tell me what he sees in me

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Things like it is okay because your father is proud of you (how the hell would she know whether he is or not - she has never met him) - then she tried to go on and say something about how fathers are - some general crap that she has no idea about mine.

Or

"They find you kind" or "you are tender with her"- how the eff would she know?

What difference does it make to me what she thinks? What am I supposed to do with idiotic statements like those?
- I just want the woman to shut up and listen to me. Not utter complete useless nonsense that she knows nothing at all about.

It sounds to me like it feels dangerous for you to be seen. I remember feeling that way about my fist computer programs at my first job. I felt exposed, open to judgment. As a lawyer, your work always had something to back it up, so you could escape that feeling. But i would wonder what WAS dangerous about being noticed at home, and if there isnt some gasp transference going on. Because people will infer stuff from what you are saying, darn them! But i always felt like the LAST thing i wanted was for my mother to get involved in something i was doing.

[stopdog]

No. For me it means the woman is not listening, is blowing me off , and is not being useful.
It is not about being seen. The woman does not see me.
I just wondered how others felt about it if it happened to them.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

No. For me it means the woman is not listening, is blowing me off , and is not being useful.
It is not about being seen. The woman does not see me.
I just wondered how others felt about it if it happened to them.

I would guess she is feeling some professional responsibility. I dont think anyone here is in strict psychoanalysis,, where the t does not speak. Even so, i would think that t would say he sees the client. My t did once make a weird noise like he'd been stabbed when i mentioned eating ice cream a few years ago. I told him he sounded like my mother and i didnt want to talk about it. Now our relationship and my relationship with food has changed such that nothing is off limits. Why does it feel safe to change now? Idk.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by stopdog

No. For me it means the woman is not listening, is blowing me off , and is not being useful.
It is not about being seen. The woman does not see me.
I just wondered how others felt about it if it happened to them.

Do you mean the way some T's will offer compliments to boost what they consider a low self esteem, but really have no idea that what they are saying is true? If that's the case, its not happened to me but I know others who have T's do this and I would be more than annoyed. Anyone can give false complements and tell you how wonderful you are to make you feel better. To me that is a waste of time and money - it doesn't take a Masters degree and licensing to do that. I do think there are some individuals who want a therapist to say these things and get pretty mad when they don't (I'm thinking of a childhood friend who's been therapist shopping for 20 years for this reason).

I do think it's worth noting that most people care to some extent what others think of them, so a sincere complement that is appropriate can be appreciated and even useful.

This makes me think of my 11 year old daughter who sees a psychiatrist and often expresses similar sentiments to you. Last week in session, the pdoc complemented how well she was doing on her meds. After we left I said how good it was that the doctor things she's doing well and she responded "why would I care what the stupid doctor thinks?" .

[Parley]

My therapist complimented me once when I made a comment about my daughter. It was only our first or second session and we hadn't even decided if we were going to work together. the next session I explained that I didn't want/need her to feed or silence my ego. There is too much confusion in me to deal with her compliments or opinions at this time.