T Said This Place Has To Much Influence On Me...She Is Right

Have her read the thread," Going Dancing With T " and "Going Dancing With T part 2" in "Psychotherapy" around 04-29-14 1:03 PM.

Would you like me to post it here for you?

Please, stop with this line of thinking.

You have received so much support here, people listen and give you heartfelt advice.

Not a freak, at all. Never. Ever.

Listen to your common sense. I think this forum gives you very sound guidance.

Take care sweetie.

Here's the thing, what YOU think should be enough for your therapist (and for YOU). If she is reacting in denial and uses humor to deflect, she is not taking YOUR concerns seriously as she should.

Gen that sounds awful. I would urge you to see another professional. You're clearly being abused by someone who's supposed to be healing to you. I think if you show this to her, she'll become even more abusive and defensive. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I would urge you to call an abuse hot line.

I would like you to replay to my PM, please.

***CLARIFICATION ***
A post made by me, explaining what happened night of dance.

"Another thing I've been thinking about is that when we were at the dance, we sat beside each other and a few times we talked I saw her look down at my breasts (had low cut dress on, so cleavage showed) and she touched my knee one time and asked if i was having fun and another time leaned over, when i had her phone and rested her hand on the back of my seat where my butt sat. Am I just being paranoid or is there something going on here?"

I had a low cut dress on that showed some cleavage. During a conversation my T, see glanced down at my chest, for like 2 seconds and then looked back at my eyes, where I was looking at her. Sometime after, I was looking something up for her on her phone, so like anyone would do, she leaned over to also look at her phone, and in doing so, rested her hand on the back of my chair because I was not sitting all the way back in my seat. There was NO touching by her with her hand, other than the fact at another point, during conversation she touched my knee for 2 seconds and asked if I was having fun.

Sorry if I worded wrong previously.

Whatever you do, don't expect your therapist to change. I tried to change a few "treatment providers" to be less abusive. I just wanted them so bad to be nice and see things my way.

Bad idea...

Sorry to go slightly off track, GenCat, but I wanted to let you know, jimi, that I don't think you're wrong. Someone once posted about discussing the forum with her T and the two of them making fun of people and it was done in a very taunting way. I was irate. Being upset about that kind of thing is totally understandable, but I don't believe that is what GenCat is doing here. She is just using the forum and what people say here to try to get her therapist to see that her (GenCat's) concerns are valid and to try to get her T to address those concerns. At least that is my impression of what is happening. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, GenCat.

I know she doesn't mean anything bad, I'm just paranoid about therapists. I know one of mine huffed at "people on the Internet" and told me every friend I made online was a bad person. It kind of messed me up for a while.

Just a bit triggery, sorry.

I think you're feeling the need to defend her. I don't think she is an ethical therapist. No ethical therapist would EVER go to a dance with their client. She is clearly crossing boundaries, essentially hurting you. You don't want to see this and she doesn't want you to see this.

I felt it needed to be clarified from what another user interpreted it as. I don't want the wrong message to get out. I am not defending or not not defending, simply clarifying what happened for better understanding.

i wouldn't. i haven't followed all your threads but enough to be rather wary of your T. i think when people here give feedback, especially negative feedback, about a person's T the info is really for the poster to reflect on rather than to share with the T. much of the time Ts, and people in general, get defensive when given negative feedback. i think probably the point of people on PC giving feedback about one's T is so you can make better decisions or see your T in a hopefully more objective light. as you reflect on that then you can decide what is the best course of action to then take in your situation. i know it's hard but do try to act in your own longterm best interest rather than what feels good right now. i do know how hard that can be to do in life.

I hope I'm not being too intrusive, but you mentioned she is a Christian therapist. Is she a psychologist, a social worker etc? Does he have a private practice or does she counsel via a church setting?

-------

I apologize. I misread what you wrote. I'm glad she didn't touch you. But even you ask, "..Is there something going on here?"

She drives you to dance(s), invites to drive you as the third passenger of four to a concert two hours away, she sits next to you at the dance and looks down at your breasts, did she visit you at work, too? She invites you to her church to sit with her. Then she breaks HIPAA by discussing your personal information with someone you don't know at church....which I think is the worst of the violations.

All of these things are not your fault.

I stand by my comment that I very much suspect her motives.
You posted that even you know she is doing wrong.

It makes me concerned, though, what would she have to suggest for you to say, "No." ?

Again, I apologize. I am on your side.

T is a LPC and LMFT and Sexual Addictions T. She has her own practice.

I ask partly because I had a friend in HS who sought counseling via her church and it seemed a bit different than a private practice therapist/therapy. For one thing her (T's) boundaries were looser but nothing alarming. Thanks for the bigger picture!

I have just a couple of questions in my head.

Why do you see this T, particularly if you feel this place has too much influence ve on you and many posts are raising concerns about her?

!Soup

Gen Cat what do you think you get from this forum? Would you miss it if you stopped coming? How do you think your therapy would be different if you didn't come here?

One thing I'm not sure about is how you feel about your therapy. I'm guessing you have some significant doubts. It seems like each time you post, the majority of the respondents express a lot of skepticism about your therapist and her methods. This has happened enough times that I'd say it's a predictable response. Though it can be very upsetting I'm sure, I think that on some level you feel validated by reading others' expressions of doubt and concern about what goes on in your therapy. Otherwise you wouldn't post here.

Then a funny thing happens. After reading through the responses, you post a reply defending your T and expressing doubt about yourself and your ability to give a fair account of events. What do you think that's about?

And tell me, what if I am looking for people who think she is not abusive? Why have I contacted another T and a therapy abuse hotline about this? I get no sense of happiness hearing how abusive she is to me. And I said I word things the wrong way, not give the wrong account of events.

I don't think anyone can understand my situation, because none of you have experienced things like this. Im not looking for anything when I post except reading others opinions. I admit I am getting tired of the opinions only of my T.

I honestly think, its both of us and we just clash and tangle. I told T I hated her but loved her. Its black and white thinking. I told T, she pissed me off, so I am blaming her for stepping on my toes.

Besides, how do you all know I am telling you all the whole truth in whats happening? If I said I wasn't, would you change your mind things?

If this was a new T who told me I shouldn't be on here because im so influenced, what would your answer be then?

GenCat, it seems like you're upset with people on here. It appears to me as if people are responding to you out of concern and care for you. None of us know your T, but we feel as if we know you and care about you and don't want you to be uncomfortable or hurt. None of us are trying to make things worse for you. Initially, I at least, was just trying to validate your feelings of doubt about this T.

I do not want to see you hurt by what appears to be an unethical, enmeshing therapist. If my opinion upsets you, I will stop offering it. But please know that I was just speaking from concern. Obviously, if you were just making **** up or deliberately leaving things out, that just changes everything and I, personally, would never respond to you again. It did not seem to me that was what was happening though.

The problem is that it isn't a new T. We have seen what you have told us of her, and we mistrust her and her opinions. She does not seem to be helping you, only confusing and possibly hurting you. We can only go off of what you have told us. Our conclusions are not our fault if you have lied or omitted facts.

We want to help you. We are not saying what we're saying because we want to hurt you or confuse you. We don't want to see you hurt and isolated by your T. And we are worried about you.

Gen, I think you are confused and overwhelmed right now, partly because you have too many opinions coming from too many people. In that respect, I think your T may be onto something. You put a great deal of weight into everyones' opinions here, and I've seen it lead you to a great deal of anxiety and confusion.

At this point I'm not sure we or even you are terribly clear about what is or isn't going on with your therapist, and what might be in your best interest at this point is to consult a therapist who can look objectively at your therapy situation and maybe get a clearer idea of what it going on. You seem to need a clear professional perspective on your current therapy situation rather than more and more layman opinions about it because I see you getting more confused, more depressed, and more at risk the more this topic of your therapy gets discussed here.

Can you seek out a second opinion from another therapist who can put fresh, professional eyes on the situation? You wouldn't necessarily need to stop seeing your current T immediately, unless that is what you want to do, and perhaps the dynamics of your current T relationship can be better evaluated by another therapist before you make that decision. At least that way you will feel, one way or the other, that your decision is made based on a professional's recommendations.

I totally agree with Sierra. We at PC cannot possibly offer definitive answers about what you should or should not do regarding your therapy. We have so many different opinions I would be overwhelmed by it all, and that may very well be the reason your T said to stop posting on here.

We can't possibly advise you very accurately based on what you've written, because it's only one side of the situation. It sounds cliched but I saw a marriage counselor who told us that that there are 3 sides to every story: your's, the other person's and the actual truth. He wasn't implying anyone was lying, but that everyone's version of the same reality is usually pretty different.

GenCat, I have to agree with the last few posters.

There is a pattern to what happens with your posts:

1) You post about your very legitimate concerns about your therapist's behavior and dismissal of your feelings.
2) People jump to support you/validate you and to express concern about your therapist's behavior.
3) It seems like you become overwhelmed by everyone's negative reaction and begin to defend your therapist (which makes sense given that you are attached to her), and then nothing gets resolved (as far as I know, I might be wrong). You want people to tell you their opinions, yet you don't want people to say they think she is abusive - people are just going to tell you what they think. If you want people to tell you she is not abusive, then it makes sense to clarify that in your post.
4) The cycle repeats itself.

If what you are not posting what you consider to be the facts, that is, if you are withholding information, then you cannot expect people to react to "the truth", but only respond to what you post. The information you get is only as "accurate" as the information you provide.

At this point, I am sure you have a sense of what people in the forum think as a whole. The reactions seem to be consistent after every time you post. I am sure you can predict what people will say.

The thing is, whatever YOU decide to do with your therapist will be YOUR decision, 100%. Everyone is happy to give you support and their perspective, but the responsibility and final decision lies with you. YOU decide how much power everyone's opinion has - and ultimately, your opinion is the most important one.

Even if everyone loved your therapist and said she was the best therapist in the world, if YOU didn't like her, or felt comfortable with her, or felt she was harming you more than helping you, then you should base your actions on YOUR feelings/opinion. Other people are NOT living your life and do NOT go to therapy with you.

I think the fact that you remain in contact with her, means that you are still very much getting something out of your relationship with her (feeling special, affection, her attention, etc). This concerns me because I don't know WHAT she has to do for you to decide to walk away - do you know? But you are an adult and this is ultimately up to you - if you are getting a lot more good than bad from the relationship, then I am happy for you.

Again, no one can tell you what to do since the decision is yours and will only affect you. If *I* were in your position, I would meet with a second therapist I felt comfortable with, and share with him/her my thoughts/feelings/experiences. I think rather than having someone tell you what to do, you might benefit from just being able to have someone help to sort through your feelings and experiences. But it's all up to you.

Lastly, if you want a specific response from people, and you ask enough people about it, you will eventually get that one person who agrees with you - that person, however, should be YOU. I truly do with you decide to do whatever is best for you.

My college roommate, who became a caseworker, had a useful observation about inner wisdom:

"When you called seeking my opinion, what did you hope I would answer?"

As you know, you've posted about this therapist a number of times, leading the group to believe you have strong doubts around her. I have my own skepticism around a counselor who tells us what to do with OUR lives, or takes an near-clairvoyant role: "this isn't good for you." In this case, keeping you away from a group that criticizes her likely is in her self-interest.

You mentioned you were 19 in an earlier post. I still find it hard to leave consultants at this age, and would have had a particularly difficult time throwing an authority figure overboard when I was 19.

It's a large paradigm shift going from looking to someone for guidance to realizing their troubles have become my burden. It seems you've put a great deal of energy in trying to "get through" to your therapist. It's not right for the client to have to train the therapist, in my opinion.

Are there people in real life who can support you?

I find these folks very helpful.
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

More links and checklists:
How therapists abuse their clients
50 Warning Signs of Questionable Therapy and Counseling
Unsafe Poor Bad Psychotherapy | TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line
What should NOT happen in therapy? | Supporting Safe Therapy