Lies I've Told During Therapy

I'm glad to see that so many people have responded with empathy and support. I agree that you are extremely brave to speak the truth here and I also encourage you to share this thread with your T. Just as you've been surprised by the support shown here, you may also be surprised my the support your T may/will have for you in telling the truth. Also agree that exploring why you lie is exactly the sort of issue that therapy is for. It is not going to change unless you do something differently to change it.

But I also want to respond to this:

Your lying has had negative consequences for other people. It's not just about you. If you keep doing what you are doing (I.e. Lying), you can expect to get the same result in the future (I.e. Hurting other people).

I'm sorry you've experienced that.

Thank you everyone for your posts. It's been so very helpful.

I've been I obcessing over this decision of telling for awhile & just can't get it off my mind. Posting here has given me a push to spill everything to my T tonite at my appt. I'd basically go in, say that we're done, thank her, giver her the link here & let her read in horror. I mean really what do I have to lose. If I don't have her I have no one.
I have a partner that is physically & mentally exhausted w/me. Useless when it comes to sharing, caring or helping. I have kids that are young, resilient & need a role model. I have a FOO that thinks they love me, but have no idea who I am & I never feel a part of that family. I always was a loner. I have no job. No ambition. This is why SU is such a beautiful choice. I know I can't be helped & will not start all over again. I'm too old, ugly & so not worth it.
I should be housed in a state mental institution. I could see myself being happy there in my own little world. I just don't think anyone can help me at this point or wanto reveal why. I'm tired. So very tired of it all, it's almost humorous.
So my gut tells me to walk in to my appt tonite, plop this pile of crap on her lap, turn around & leave forever. I'm sick of hurting people & me being around hurts people. I need to make some decisions. Everyone agrees that I should share this, but this leads me down a dead end road w/o a return.
Should I sit & wait on this decision or go w/my gut feeling?

You wrote that you are "sick of hurting people & me being around hurts people. I need to make some decisions." I'd guess that if you want to change something better option would be to go to the session, tell your T that you're afraid that she'll terminate with you after this what you want to show her and give her your first post... Because if you just terminate and leave there is a chance that T even won't look at your link because why should she do that? And you would escape and you would have to start again with another T, so it wouldn't change much... I know, it's easy to say but for sure it's extremely difficult to do... I wish you good luck with any decision you'll take...

I think you're deciding for your T what the outcome will be. If you really feel you're done, what do you have to lose to allow her to respond for herself?

Few comments:
A. This place is great- however, the decision what to do has to be yours. We can say what we would do be that's about it.
B. Your option- terminate and give her a link is, well, not really changing anything, is it? You won't give her a chance to react and, more importantly, you won't be giving yourself the chance to work on that behavior.
C. Do YOU really want to change that behavior? Cause it's perfectly fine is you think this is working for me, so I'm gonna keep doing it. You can.
D. Why I'm asking- you seem to go from lying to get attention to SUI- if this is your alternative coping mechanism- I'd say keep the first one (at least from now).

I don't lie to my T. Sorry, I sound like a goody two shoes saying that. but I feel like I am paying for this therapy and I need to get the best out of it, therefore she has to know the absolute truth. ive told her some incredibly embarrassing things, but I don't regret it because they were the truth.

I would sit and wait if I were you. you can't give up, not now, you have clearly come far and can go further. I would tell her the absolute truth, and then you can work through those issues about why you lied.

I bet you are completely terrified at the outcome of doing this ,as I would be. it is a terribly hard and brave thing you are thinking about doing..i would hope that your T could see this as an amazing leap of trust and take advantage of it to help you move forward. can you imagine what it would be like if you told her all this and she accepted it for what it was and moved forward to help you with it? to know that she knows the truth and still knows that you are someone who has been through an amazing amount of hurt (that does not need to be exaggerated)I think it would be awesome to be able to have that validation

Don't ditch therapy. First you're making assumptions as to her reaction and that's not fair to her. How do you know it would be horror? Horror is a strong emotion that I myself only experience in certain situations like something gruesome. There's nothing gruesome here. Second, running away is only going to reinforce your fears.

Don't terminate therapy. Let your t have the chance to respond.

Tell your T, but sit there and face the music. Otherwise, absolutely nothing will change and you can't be happy living all the lies you've created in your life. While getting the truth out is going to be painful and embarrassing and comes with a risk, continuing to live the lies has a greater risk for you. Nothing will change until you face the truth and start living in the truth. Stop your running. It's time.

If you terminate this way, it will be another drama. Do you want to test if she will chase you? You may go through a lot of anxiety wondering if she looked at the link or not or whether she tries to contact you.

I do not see it as a dead end road without a return. I see it as an opportunity for T to see your authentic self. Then true therapy can begin.

It seems you are assuming how she will respond. Stay and get her reaction...she may surprise you. Please keep your connection with her especially if you are feeling suicidal.

Hi Mississippiriver, I just wanted to add that for what it is worth, I believe another reason for your behavior is just trying to get a need met in the best way you can do at the moment. Whatever need didn't get met in childhood or something like that. Was anyone ever deceitful to you when you are growing up? Dishonesty can be a learned behavior, or I think at best, if a person had had all their needs met in a healthy way in childhood, they would not be being deceptive - if that makes any sense.

I hope you don't give up on yourself or your treatment/recovery and what not. Here are some threads from previous posters than may also help you to see you are not alone.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...t-do-help.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...18-i-lied.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...35-lied-t.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...d-t-today.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...therapist.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...first-app.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/survi...90-i-lied.html

I'm sure there are many more. The point is, we probably all lie at one time or another, and to varying degrees. I think the important thing is that you knew it was wrong and seem to have an conscious that is wanting you to make the situation right again. Best of luck and hang in there.

Mississippi:

I hope I'm not too late but I wanted to share something.

You sort of inspired me at my own T appointment. I confessed a dysfunctional behavior that I found despicable. It's something that I do compulsively and I don't know how to stop it.

It's not lying, but it's shameful like lying.

So, I told T.

I started the session by saying, "I'm not going to come out looking good today. I did a bad thing."

And she sat up straight and said, almost humorously, "Ok thanks for the warning. I'm now prepared." (LOL!)

And I was like, "No really. It's sort of despicable and will change how you see me."

And then I stared out the window for seemingly FOREVER trying to find the right words.

And then it all sort of spilled out. Like, I got to this edge of some precipice in my head and said, "Oh F*** it, just jump," and I did. I spilled. I told.

And then all the justifications, and self-flagellation, and I concluded saying, "I know I should stop. I should want to stop. I kind of do want to stop. But I also don't want to stop. I don't know how. It's like I know it's wrong and I want to WANT to not do it. But I still do actually want to do it."

Honestly, her reaction surprised me. I would've guessed she be either 1) horrified and reprimand me or 2) just make it all nice and act like it wasn't my fault.

But she straddled the line, acknowledging unethical behavior. And then we tried to get at the root of why I do it and what I get out of it.

And at the end she looked me in the eyes and said, "You do this for protection. And my hope for you with therapy is that we can get you to a point where you feel safe enough that you don't have to do this."

Wow. What complete understanding. I felt so understood and like, not blamed, that I cried deeply. It was very moving and a relief. And now I know that I have a plan and a way to work on it.

It feels good to get stuff out into the open. Especially those shameful things that aren't say, illegal, but are shameful or compulsive, like lying or over-eating or anything else. It doesn't matter what it is.

Another thing I appreciate about therapy is that behaviors that would draw pitch forks from the rest of society can be looked at and examined in the privacy of that room, with a goal toward changing it.

Everyone does things that they aren't proud of. So you spun a web of tales and now you need help getting out. If this T is good or worth her salt, I think she will help you unspin it.

You could one day have a future where you tell her a crazy story and say, "I swear I'm NOT making this up," and T will trust you. And you will know, in your BONES, that T believes you. Because the burden of lying and having to lie has lifted.

PeeJay congratulations. That was brave.

Mississippi, I hope you tell and stay put and work through it with your T. I think it will be the most helpful thing you've ever done.

PeeJay! How very courageous you are. Thanks for sharing.

I went to appt & gave her the thread & asked her to read it. I know she will.

Then I ran.
Very far.

Won't post anymore bec she knows my name now.

Thanks everyone!
I'm outta here

Mississippi
I hope she reads all the positive comments & knows how brave you & how worthy you are of all this attention you're seeking. I hope she drags you back into the office & smothers you w/empathy. You deserve it!

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