[lightcatcher]

I'm having a lot of thoughts about being obnoxious, pushy and testing of T. I don't want to be like that, I know T doesn't deserve it. But something in me wants to just push and push. Feels a little crazy.
Anyone had this, and how did it work out for you??

[JaneC]

I get like that(well obnoxious & testing) when I am avoiding something that I just can't face in therapy. I've been a lot like that in both sessions this week. T said I wasn't a pain in the a s s, rather he thought I was just protecting myself from perceived threat of pain or hurt. I didn't want to be like that either, couldn't stop it though. Doesn't really allow me any progress though.

Not sure if you can relate to this?

[lightcatcher]

Hey jane, yea I relate completely. T told me that I'm probably expecting her to tell me to get out, I said yes! She said she wouldn't do that.. Damn it. I don't want to care, but I do. Oh it's confusing. I don't think it gives me progress either, in terms of myself.
It may give progress in trusting T that they value and care enough to be there and deal with what I throw out? Maybe that's the progress that has to happen before the rest at the moment?

[JaneC]

I know that my behaviour is because I am afraid, terrified, of some stuff and of trusting my T and taking the next step. I don't want to care so much, but I do, and that feels threatening somehow, so I protect. DOH!

Yes, I think for me at least I needed more proof of the level of care that my T has for me. My job, now that he has shown that to me, is to do the believing. That will be progress.

Like you I also expected my T to become annoyed at me and tell me to sort my shyte out. Somehow that would be easier to deal with than the care and empathy and being there with me still.

[lightcatcher]

Ah jane you and I seem in some of the same space! I just want to tell her to stop being nice and be mean, I can deal with mean. This nice stuff is so foreign. (That makes me sad).
I'm sorry your feeling all this too jane! You seem to be on to a good one with your T.

[JaneC]

Ha, lightcatcher....and your T also sounds like a good one! I too am sorry you are feeling all of this too.

[NowhereUSA]

i get like this too. i've been rejected and had a lot of pain in my childhood so i reject people if i think they can hurt me. i'll realize later that i was condescending or belittling to my t but he never addresses it directly, he always sways me back on topic. i guess they're trained to deal with defense mechanisms. imagine that lol.

[ThisWayOut]

I can get that way, mostly when I'm scared about something (either disclosure, something I don't understand, New t, my own behavior or thoughts, etc). Good t's have called me on it and say with me through it. Not so good t's have sent me packing or running... it's kinda like an autopilot that I don't necessarily want, but don't know how to turn off.

[HazelGirl]

Talk about it if you haven't. Tell her that you feel like you want to push her away, and talk about why.

[lightcatcher]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Talk about it if you haven't. Tell her that you feel like you want to push her away, and talk about why.

We have talked about it a little. I have told T that I think she will just leave me, to which she replies that unless something unforeseen happens she isn't going anywhere. I told her I feel like being obnoxious, and she really got it, her reply was: so if you act like that then I'll tell you to get out? I said yes!, and she said no, I don't work like that.
I don't know how to bring it up again, I don't know if talking about it over and over would help??

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by lightcatcher

We have talked about it a little. I have told T that I think she will just leave me, to which she replies that unless something unforeseen happens she isn't going anywhere. I told her I feel like being obnoxious, and she really got it, her reply was: so if you act like that then I'll tell you to get out? I said yes!, and she said no, I don't work like that.
I don't know how to bring it up again, I don't know if talking about it over and over would help??

It would, especially if you continued to talk about why you feel obnoxious.