[Depletion]

This is a pretty simple question. I'm really just wondering what made you feel like, or know that you could trust your T. Did they do something specific, or did it just happen over time. Or, are you like me and still trying to figure this out. Sometimes I feel like I trust her, but now that I have to confront some more difficult issues, and now that I'm really trying to let her take care of me, I'm having a hard time. I feel like she is going to abandon me at any minute.

[glok]

Hello, Depletion. I trusted my therapists until there was reason not to.

I wish you well.

[RedSun]

I think I'm trusting my T slowly, a bit more over time as she supports me and seems to be honest with me. But I still have the odd panic that she will abandon me, too. I don't know if it ever goes away, maybe just being brave enough to share and open up anyway is healing....though very hard.
Hope you can slowly trust your T.....

I discussed my fear of rejection with her.

[growlycat]

When T listens without judgement, does what he says he is going to do, and is emotionally supportive when I need it--that's how I know.

[kraken1851]

For me trust builds very slowly as I experience that I'm not rejected, abandoned, that I'm taken seriously with my fears and problems. Voicing my fear of rejection, abandonment and discussing it with t also helped. After almost a year in therapy with t I'm still wary, but I'm allowing myself to let my guard down more frequently.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by growlycat

When T listens without judgement, does what he says he is going to do, and is emotionally supportive when I need it--that's how I know.

I know that she doesn't Judge, and I know that she listens, and I know she is trying to be emotionally supportive (at least I think), but somehow I feel none of this. GUURRRRR.

[maykins]

Originally Posted by Depletion

I know that she doesn't Judge, and I know that she listens, and I know she is trying to be emotionally supportive (at least I think), but somehow I feel none of this. GUURRRRR.

Maybe start by raising the actual subject of trust with her?

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by Depletion

I know that she doesn't Judge, and I know that she listens, and I know she is trying to be emotionally supportive (at least I think), but somehow I feel none of this. GUURRRRR.

Doesn't happen overnight but if she stays consistent, the trust will develop.

^^ For me too. It developed over time and in conjunction with support of my situation. I also believed that one can basically trust any counselor because they are bound to uphold client confidentiality. Sadly, I was duped and betrayed beyond my imagination.

[NowhereUSA]

for me it's been how he responds to issues. i was probably naive when i first went to therapy. i was so broken and i wanted so badly to get better so i was like 'i'm going to be honest!' i realize now how dangerous that can be (with ts that abuse their authority) tho thank goodness my t is not that kind of t. now that i'm older and wiser six years later, i realize i trust him because he has demonstrated over time that he will respond skillfully to my problems.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Depletion

This is a pretty simple question. I'm really just wondering what made you feel like, or know that you could trust your T. Did they do something specific, or did it just happen over time. Or, are you like me and still trying to figure this out. Sometimes I feel like I trust her, but now that I have to confront some more difficult issues, and now that I'm really trying to let her take care of me, I'm having a hard time. I feel like she is going to abandon me at any minute.

I've felt all along that my T was going to abandon me. Even when it was good between us, even now that its bad between us. I know in the back of my mind that its only a matter of time until she leaves me.

The small bit of trust we used to have I felt on a heart level...not cognitively. Because of how I felt when she would hold me, sit by me on the couch.

I don't have that anymore to buffer the fear.

I wish I knew what to tell you about how to let go and trust, but I don't. I hope you are able to, bc I think therapy is impossible without trust.

[ThisWayOut]

For me, trust takes time and figuring out how the particular t responds to things. I know there's always a finite nature to the t relationship, but I always hope it will end amicably and when I am ready. I do know however, that things come up in life and t might leave our I might leave before we are "done". With last t, I realized I trusted her when I was able to look to her for support, and know that whatever form that short came in, it would be in my best interest. That's not to say it was ready to see in the moment and I didn't struggle, but I kept going back, so I'm guessing I trusted that she would know what to do or figure it out in short order... in the end, I realized I had trusted her when she told me something I had never heard from anyone else, but desperately needed to hear (and I didn't have to ask her to say it, nor had I ever brought up really needing to hear it)...
I hope you can find that trust in your t.

[iheartjacques]

I guess I could trust my T when I knew my stuff would stay in that room, and he always remembered everything I said and was very encouraging.

[stopdog]

I guess it depends on trust them with what? She is generally there when she says she will be, so I don't not trust her with scheduling. She stays back so she can be told some things because she will not interfere. She cannot be trusted with other things because she has mocked me and to give her more opportunity would be stupidity on my part.
That sort of thing.

[precaryous]

I am slowly trusting...I believe she wouldn't do anything on purpose to hurt me.
I know she will make mistakes, but we will talk about them.

I am still struggling with worry that my problems are too big, that I'm too much for her to handle, and that she may refer me. My trust has improved because her answers and actions are consistent when I bring up my fears.

She says she may retire in four or five years but that I will know very early and we will have time to deal with it.

For now she says she is here for me and not planning on going anywhere.

[rothfan6]

It took a long time to trust my t. He's lost some of my trust recently but knows that and is working to gain it back.

[Secretum]

My current t saw that I was suffering and offered me compassion. She truly cared about me. That is how I knew I could trust her.

I don't have problems trusting others. I trust people until they show me I shouldn't; not the other way around. Only a very few people in my life have proven untrustable. The vast majority of them continued to show me I made a good choice in being trusting. Kind of the innocent until proven guilty philosophy of life instead of declaring people guilty before they've done anything to be found guilty of. Therapists fall into that philosophy for me.

[junkDNA]

by being consistent. in his care, attitude, and guidance. it took a long time.

[Perna]

She seemed to read my mind before I did in a way/situation that awed me. I instantly decided I would work as hard as I could with her, she was legit and focused on helping me.

[Raging Quiet]

When she was going to terminate me and force me to see an ED specialist and contact my GP. I begged her not to, she said her hands were tied but she gave me a hug. I pleaded with her to give me a week. She gave me a chance and didn't send off the paperwork. I asked her to read a book about ED's from the helper side and sent it to her. We worked on it in the session and I trusted her for keeping her promise even though her supervisor must have not agreed with her decision.

I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it ...

Read somewhere that no can heal until it learns how to trust ...

And that learning to trust is often the of therapy.

[Mactastic]

I'm still learning to trust him but I agree there's nothing any therapist can really do to gain trust overnight. For me, a large part of my trust came through my erotic transference. Without disclosing the nitty details, my T knows that I have loving feelings for him and those sometimes manifest with obsessive thoughts. Over time, I have shared a lot about how this affects me midweek and I've shared some of what these thoughts entail. Instead of judging me he helped me understand why I have these thoughts and helped me find ways to manage them. He's also assured me that he will not refer me because I have these feelings. If anything, he's encouraged me to feel them; the idea I think is that embracing my feelings helps to disempower them because repressing them makes them worse, I guess.

Another way he has gained my trust is through emails. Some of my emails are mini novels and almost all of them are laden with deep secrets and pain. Without fail, he has responded to every one, even when he's on vacation. He also ends each email by reminding me he's happy to read my emails and that I should never hesitate to journal to him. Over time, I have been able to dwindle my emails down from as many as 4 a week to just 1. He's on vacation this week and I think I can even manage none, because I have so much respect for his time off

Lastly, he read that 'famous' book In Session because I suggested it and that made our relationship feel so much more real. I emailed him 5-6 quotes the other day and at the following session he printed them for me in case I wanted to refer to them while we talked. He's attentive to what I need and that's given him major brownie points.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[nottrustin]

For me it took time to think I trusted her completely.. I recently realized though that there is still a little part of me that doesn't. Not that she has ever done anything to cause it; it is just how I am.