Telling your T you google them

Honestly, I think this is a bit naive. Sure, I can choose to not have a FB account, or lock it down if I do have one and agree that's my responsibility. But tax records? Home value? Mortgage? Whether or not I have my assets in a trust? My spouse's name and any family details? Sorry, this sort of info is out there for reasons beyond our control, and I doubt anyone wants it to be. States have been incredibly lax about the security and privacy of much info. It's "public" by default, not by choice. We all deserve better.

i didnt have to worry about whether to google my therapist or not. she did that for me right in front of me during one of my first sessions with her. she said she likes her clients to be able to know who they are dealing with and be informed about their treatment providers. if she was a medical doctor I would first google them to make sure they have the right qualifications, and no disciplinary action against them so why not mental health treatment providers too. she also said by her providing the information that takes the secrecy out of it, you know like telling someone not to do something whats the first thing they are going to do right. then she grabbed her computer and googled herself and showed me everything she could find about herself on the internet. she has twitter, facebook, instagram, myspace, psych central and other mental health, physical health accounts, 3 journal sites,and 4 email accounts. is licensed with the state, with no disciplinary actions, and is an active member of the community.no I cant read her stuff because she keeps her settings as friend only, private, invite only, ...I have no reason to google her because she did it for me. lol

Amandalouise, do you google yourself for each of your own clients also? Or do you do that on an individualized basis?

honestly, most of that stuff you have to pay for. here's what i can find on myself: my address, my house value, and... that's about it. i can't even find who i'm married to. :: shrugs :: i guess in general, those things don't mean anything to me with regards to my t or anyone else.

i think it might just be a generational thing. i just haven't seen any convincing argument other than if it's a trigger issue that says i should stop googling people. and like i said, that's someone else's choice, but i'm just not of the same mindset.

honestly, most of that stuff you have to pay for.

Maybe so in your state, but absolutely not universal.

This topic always makes me feel so anxious. I have never googled my T or anyone else that I know. To me it feels like it would be a violation.
The funny thing is I know my T googles people, including clients without hesitation. This probably means that he doesn't have much of a problem with being googled himself. But I do. So I'm sort of on the other side of this. I have asked my T to at least not google me in front of me or tell me about it at all.
Just because something is out there about me doesn't mean that I want it out there. I do not use any social media- facebook, linkedin, etc. This forum is really the only place I ever post and even on here I am very hesitant to post anymore.
When my ex-h did some awful things and was arrested and ended up in the paper, I was very exposed through no fault of my own. People googled away because their curiosity was piqued and it was a horrible feeling to know that I had no privacy. There was such a horrible feeling of violation and vulnerability. The sordid details of my personal life (as well as the mundane ones) were thrown in my face by acquaintances, customers, business contacts...it was horrible.

I know I am old and not up with the times but I really do feel that people should have a right to some privacy.

One thing that struck me in one of the comments was that someone found that their T had changed her name....this is so disturbing to me. Maybe it was a safety issue for the T and there was a reason for her to change her name and that someone can find that out feels wrong to me.

Well, I googled my old therapist AFTER we had a horrible, unethical ending and I found he had some bad reviews out there. I doubt they were there when I first started with him, but there are SOME good reasons to google a professional that you are going to see. You can find out if other people have had good or bad experiences with them.

I don't think that anyone that is a professional would object to you searching the conglomeration of sites saying that they know all about your doctor. In reality, most are badly outdated and very few are respected enough by therapists and pdocs to keep profiles updated and correct. Professional googling or checking credentials is indeed expected. Checking on professional reprimands and such would be smart to protect your safety when choosing a doctor. Just remember that bad reviews are often incorrect, and services can be paid to clean up all those pesky "truthful but negative reviews"...

What I was referring to were the jokes about how to best gain access to PERSONAL information about your T. If you were to ask him those questions to his face, would he or she tell you? Do you think he would give you his personal email address, her home number, his social, who his friends are, what church she attends, his wife's maiden name, her house payment, pictures of their kids, or directions to his mother's backyard?
OF COURSE NOT!

What about all the lies that are told and where people have mis-identified your pictures on FB? What about the incorrect information that was picked up by one search engine and repeated ad nauseum because some nutcase out there has the same name as you?? What about the vicious ex boyfriend that posted naked pics of you? What about flat out misinformation because someone typed a letter wrong in a search engine? Wouldn't you feel so safe knowing your therapist has naked pics of you, or selfies when you were drunk in college, or knew how much you spent online? Maybe your arrest record where you were speeding or ran red lights or worse?

And of course, we the 'trustworthy' client would never drive to his home or attack his dog or peek in his windows or harass his wife at work right? But what about the other clients?
Do you want them to know all that information about you?
Should he give your name and information to the sexual predator and the sociopath clients he has? Perhaps the suicidal patient or the psychopath? Maybe all the people in his office?
Maybe, just maybe, there are very good reasons WHY they want their privacy respected. If you expect confidence, respect, honesty and safety, why wouldn't your T expect the same?

Therapy is not about the therapist, it is about US and our ability to communicate and develop a healthy relationship and good coping skills. Good therapy is the relationship and how you connect or disconnect with the world and people in your life. Relationships are based on trust over time and good communication. Lies are just not part of healthy relationships. These people are trying to HELP US!!!!

I don't have too be "of another generation" to understand basic ethics and boundaries. And when someone comes to the forum to ask for advice, I find it incredibly disheartening how many recommended lying to her therapist or hiding the truth.
Better yet, just blame the therapist for the misinformation on the internet or T's lack of computer savvy in order to satisfy their own morbid curiosity.
Or better still, use the "everybody does it" argument to justify the breaking of the bonds of trust and boundaries that your T clearly set, and are set by their professional organizations and Professional Code of Ethics that they unfortunately, are expected to uphold.

If you are so proud of the snooping and have no ethical qualms at all about what your are doing, why lie about it?
Print the reports and pictures and take them all to your therapist and see how she responds.
I can't imagine any professional being excited about putting their family's welfare at stake for your prurient interest.

I say clean up your own side of the street first.
But, everyone has an opinion, and I'm sure mine is worthless.

yes I do google my name for them. like I said it takes the secrecy and worry out of this kind of situation on their end..... most get quite a shock when they discover googling me (my actual name) only gets them my facebook which is set at friends only. email (which my settings are set at only those on my contact list can email me to the inbox, all others go to spam unless I am expecting the email), and Im listed on the states website for licensed mental health treatment providers.

Im not worried about my clients finding out something they shouldnt know.....one thing about my being on the internet....I dont post anything anywhere online that I would not tell someone face to face.

if its so personal that I dont want just anyone to see I dont put it out on the internet in any form. so for example if one of my clients, family, friends happened onto psych central what are they going to find...Im a lesbian (hey here in NY state its legal for lesbians to marry) I have two children, (no secret there any one of my clients end up meeting my children at some point its not like my wife, children and I are never going to be seen in public so why hide) Im a survivor of childhood abuse (no secret there I work at a crisis center that deals with abuse and I dont hide it from my clients that I understand what they are going through)...

As a matter of fact just today I told one of my new clients about psych central and showed her my posts here, logged in to demonstrate how easy it was, to come here and read while not logged in, read while logged in, how to post,.....

There's a difference googling for e.g. professional qualifications, speciality et al. and purposefully seeking private and dare I say, sensitive, information such as tax records, info about mortgage, interior of house, family etc. I find that really iffy. We don’t always have a say in the information that is available about us and it could easily (and with reason) make Ts uncomfortable knowing one’s clients can know so much about them. I don't think anyone would like their private lives to be so accessible to all and sundry.

There is such a thing as respecting the privacy of others & it would be much better to ask these questions in person than to sneakily chase this up behind their backs. It is always possible to ask them point-blank and if they refuse to answer (which is their right), one ought to be respectful of this boundary.

The fact that this (still) bothers you is indicative of the fact that you are aware that what you did was, or could be seen as, questionable. In this case, it would be advisable to come clean to T otherwise it will always nag at you. It might also serve you better to address, with T, *why* there is this urge to get ‘inside’ his life so much. What need does it serve? What does it mean to know all this? How does it help you? Etc.

Well, in my therapist's case the bad reviews were correct because I experienced very unethical treatment as well.

This topic seems to have triggered something for you. I am sorry it did.

I am sorry that you were treated so unethically by your ex therapist. It must have been a horrid experience.. It is inexcusable when someone's trust is broken by cruel and unprofessional healers... I hope others will also see the bad reviews and not be harmed by him as well.

I talked to a trusted friend about this thread and why it has indeed triggered such a strong reaction from me. He wisely made me stop and find out why.

I am very protective of people I care about. And I am very sensitive to the professional ethics that keep me safe with my T. That space feels sacred to me, and for some reason felt the need to protect its integrity and the trust established there.

I am a very private person and this scared and made me feel vulnerable.
I also take seriously the trust and friendships I have in this healing place, and do not want people to be hurt here. But obviously I need to be more careful with my heart and words.

I apologize if my words or tone were hurtful.

Wysteria Blue

I think what you did finding his property details and electoral records goes beyond regular curiosity and shows signs of slight obsessiveness. So it would be worth discussing, for the sake of your own progress.

just wondered how do you know if students drive past your house?

I had to tell my T that I had googled her because I discovered that we shared the same birthdate!!!!

They tell me or their friends tell on them.

I am always surprised at how worked up this gets people. Is it that you can do it in your jammies or is it that info is available at all? Seriously before the internet, people had access to this info - it just took a bit more effort like a trip to city hall or the courthouse and so on.

I see no reason to tell your t; anything that is public record...well, is public! Keep it to yourself.

I think it's perfectly fine not to share this info with your T, should you decide to do so. I, for one, however, go to therapy just because it's the one place I can be me- no lies/makeups/whatever- just me: the good and the bad stuff. I need to learn how to accept myself (love would be great, but let's be real here) so this is how therapy works for me. So if I were in your place I'd tell.

I do wonder, however, about all the keep it to yourself advice- if ppl truly believed that this is absolutely OK to do, why not tell your T?
I do believe telling your T would help you ease your mind, Mactastic. A good T should know how to handle this- no way you're his first client who have done so.

I don't see the point in telling the therapist. It has nothing to do with me believing it is okay to look stuff up- which I do think it it. It has to do with me not seeing how it would be useful for me to tell a therapist or what the point would be for me. If someone does want to tell, then have at it. I react the way I do because it often reads like someone is confessing to a transgression - which I don't believe it is, and seeking absolution from a therapist of all people. I do not believe it necessary nor the therapist's place to do so. I do not see this as an ethical problem or being sneaky or going behind anyone's back. It is public information. Hacking into their computer, setting up a camera or placing a tracking device on their car might go a bit far. But other than that, I think it pointless self flagellation. I also don't care enough about most people to bother looking stuff up and the therapist is not someone I have any desire to know more about. If one is convinced this sort of thing is a big ethical deal, then I suppose one might want to know why one has it as an ethical thing but does it anyway if it is a pattern. But if it is unique to the therapist, then again I think it is making problems where none exist.
But tell away if it suits you.

My appt is this afternoon and I'm totally convicted to tell him. I intend to tell him I found his house and if he wants to know how I'll tell him (through property tax records.) I've decided his political affiliation isn't worth talking about. If he gets upset (I don't think he will, actually) I will defend myself by reminding him nothing I learned wasn't in public domain. I draw the line at paying for any information about someone.

At the end if the day, I'm telling him for two reasons. One, I respect him a great deal and feel bad going behind his back, and two, learning this stuff about him has only hurt me and didn't stop the urge to know more. Even though I have not googled since, it's taken some effort not to. I want his help understanding my compulsive need to know about his personal life. I wish (yet don't, ugh!) I knew about his family, his car, where he goes on vacations, his favorite beer, who's in his CD player, yadda yadda.

I stand firm in my belief that really digging for our therapist's personal info is both unethical and harms the client. If our therapists wanted us to know they would tell us.

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I think there are those on this thread (incl me) who are neither triggered nor worked up. (Though I can certainly understand why anyone whose most basic privacy was violated could be triggered.) I think ideally everyone should have the right to choose what info to reveal to whom and under what circumstances. Don't courts often rule in cases regarding the reasonable expectation of privacy? It really isn't an issue of "it's public, so what's the problem?" because many actions are technically public, yet are engaged in assuming a reasonable expectation of privacy.

A T's credentials, conduct record, rating is part of the professional persona whose intent is to be available in the public interest. Social connections, family names and details, personal financial data, etc is inherently private information that carries no intention of public interest. That the info may be found through public means doesn't change the relevance upon which the principle is based.

(And I do think the internet changes the act of searching in fundamental ways. To go to a court house or city hall and make inquiries is itself a public action that carries a risk of self-disclosure, in addition to an investment of time and effort. To some extent, that caused the risk to be shared somewhat by both the searcher and the object of the search and acted as a disincentive to search. Connecting on-line in your jammies is a fundamentally private act, and so does not pose a sharing of disclosure risk. That can make it feel sneaky to engage in, and more of a threat to the one searched because there's no witness to the activity. )

For the OP, she's uncomfortable with some aspects of her actions and experiencing negative feelings about it, so exploring them seems a healthy choice to make for herself, rather than in service to any principle.

Reasonable expectation of privacy is most often used in a 4th amendment context and an individual has no reasonable expectation of privacy in public records or what occurs in public areas.
But if it helps someone to tell, go for it.

You weren't hurtful. You seem like a very kind and gentle person who
cares deeply about others. I was concerned that you were scared and hurting because of this. I am sorry you got triggered.

I haven't deeply googled anyone but myself and wouldn't. I guess even that might not be inaccurate. It's a weird and scary world we live in.

Wysteria,

The crazy thing is that I feel your pain. I've been harassed online and I know how scary it is. I've even received weird harassing emails from strangers. It is an awful feeling.

But, I don't see how my refraining from a Google search on T in turn protects the T from some bad person who would do the same with an intent to harm her. I don't stalk, I search. I don't harass, I look.

Stalking is defined under the law to be harassing in nature.

In other words, it stinks that this stuff is publicly and legally available at little to no effort. But since it is available, I partake of it with a free conscience.

We don't have a reasonable expectation of privacy with regard to free public information.

I searched out of curiosity, yes, but also for my own protection. I want to make sure my social network does not overlap with T's. I want to make sure that T is living a clean life. I have a lot at stake in therapy, in my mind. I've trusted T more than anyone with vulnerable information about myself.

Now that I have a basic sense of who T is and who T hangs out with, I've laid off on the searching. As I said, I found out enough to believe that T is trustworthy and won't turn on me. I think it has helped my therapy because it helped me to relax.

And I don't hide it from T because I'm afraid of what T might think. I am paying a lot of money out of pocket for therapy and I frankly don't want to spend dollars and time discussing this issue because for me, it is not an issue.

I am not able to divorce from the reality that I am buying the therapist's time. I don't want to ask the therapist these questions and pay for that time to talk about it because I can find the stuff out on my own time and not pay for it. This maximizes my minutes with the therapists talking about my issues, rather than dealing with the issue of trust to eliminate suspicion of T's private life. What am I searching for? Major red flags such as drug use, hanging out with a bad cast of characters, going through a major life transition, etc.

There are some times where I want to warn T, like, "Hey did you know there is information out there on you?" But that's not my responsibility and it's not my job to take care of the therapist. If she were really concerned, she could hire someone to do a search on herself or she could search on herself to figure it all out.

Finally, I do searches on everyone whom I hire. I find bad stuff and have still hired people anyway. (Nobody is 100% clean. We are all human.)

To me, T is just someone else whom I hire and I need to be particularly careful because I am trusting T with so much. I don't mind if the accountant doing my taxes engages in (insert your own poison) when off duty. I'd mind if my T did, because of the nature of therapy.

this, absolutely.