[BeGentle]

I want to quit, again!! "This time I really mean it!!" I feel like there is nothing left he can help me with; nothing. He is telling me it's resistance; great! If resistance is unconsious, how am I to know what "it" is that I am resisting? This stuff makes me crazy! He actually can read me more that I would like to admit. We've been together for a few years. But, I went the other day and felt it's over. I don't want the connection or attachment any longer. It hurts. I'm not where I want to be but there is only so much he can do. He can't change certain things. I don't want to show up and small talk and look out the window. What do I do? Ride this out? I want to get away from him and don't know why. Yet, when he leaves for vacation, I go completely nuts. I am too attached and hate it. Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall...

[glok]

Hello, BeGentle. Please consider printing a copy of your post for your therapist. The therapist will benefit from knowing more about your thinking. You can ask the therapist to explain what he sees that he characterizes as resistance.

I wish you well.

[HazelGirl]

Have you talked to him about this? It can help greatly to talk about it.

[stopdog]

The one I see used to mutter about resistance. I finally confronted her and she has stopped. She said it was unconscious too. It is annoying to me when they throw out labels with out explaining more. She never did give any info on how to change it. I did not find talking to the woman useful. Telling her not to label me if she was not going to explain was useful.

[BeGentle]

Thanks Glok. I don't have the guts to show him.

Thanks Hazel, We talk openly about this all the time. I feel mad at him that he is trying to "understand" and claims he does. There is no way in hell he understands what I am feeling and it feels like a game now. I'll try an work it out alone as usual. Wait.....I just read what I wrote to you. That is exactly what I will say to him.

[Perna]

/

Originally Posted by BeGentle

But, I went the other day and felt it's over. I don't want the connection or attachment any longer.

For me, "suddenness" is usually an indication that something else is going on. It may not be a discreet thing that you can name/pick up and throw against the wall so it goes "Splat!" You can only know what is going on for sure over time. Feelings change, ebb and flow and understanding your own rhythm can help so you can tell a bad day, week, or longer period from a, "this is beginning to feel like I may be done, maybe we should talk about that" starting termination period.

I'm so sorry you are having an uncomfortable time of it right now

I've tried to quit multiple times. T has subtly talked me out of it each time, thankfully, and then shortly after I regain my senses another chunk of work gets done. Amazing how that works. A month or so ago I don't remember exactly when it was she finally said it not so subtly - "Art, I know you want to be done, but honestly, I don't think that you are." She's right of course. I'm tackling another big issue right now that I've been hiding from myself even, for way too long, that's just been eating me up inside so insidiously I didn't even recognize it was happening. I'm so thankful that my T knows me so very well that she knew I was ready to hear it straight up instead of subtly!!!

[BeGentle]

Thanks all. Everything you all said makes good sense and has helped me. I did realize today that when I get upset with him there is something going on and I want to punish him by quitting; hurting myself in the long run (I'm very good at hurting myself). I feel that could be negative transference going on. He hit a nerve that he does not know exsists in me. We have talked termination and he feels for me it's not over and my termination process would be long. Secretly, I never want to leave him. I've had so many losses and he means so much and has been so good to me, termination would have to be gradual or maybe I could just move in with him. Problem solved! Therein lays a big issue for me. Also, the times I threaten to cancel; approximately 6,000, he says to just show and I do kicking and screaming and have always left with that big "chunk" of great work accomplished. It is weird how that occurrs. So, I will let the observing ego kick in and remove the hightened emotion and show up and let it flow.....scared. Do you think if I show up with a sheet over my head that would be okay?