[sidony]

So how on earth are you supposed to be close to someone inside a group? (I was recommended to group therapy because I have trouble feeling close to people.) I told my therapist that I only become close to people in a one-on-one setting (and that 2-person relationships are what I'm having problems with), and so I didn't see how group was going to help. He suggested I'd have to look for other ways to become close to people other than what I'm used to inside the group (I am giving group a try for a while only because of his recommendation and the fact that I trust him). Problem is that I can't think of ANYTHING. Short of spending time talking to someone one-on-one I can't imagine how I'd ever connect with them. Anybody else have a clue?

Sidony


P.S. Apologies if this sounds similar to questions I've raised before. I'm still struggling with this idea. I just don't get it!!!!!

[sunrise]

((((sidony))))
How long have you been going to group? I think I remember that you only started fairly recently?

Could it be you are expecting too much, too soon? Maybe you don't need to worry about getting close to anyone so soon. Maybe you need a chance to attend group for a few months and get to know the other group members, hear their stories, become familiar with their quirks. And then, maybe closeness will grow, as you get to know the people. I don't think we can force closeness or a connection. It grows from familiarity and empathy as we get to know people. It is the rare relationship (although they do happen) where we immediately "click" with someone and are willing to share with them deeply.

Can you just give the group time, and not stress about it? Just sit in the background of the group, if you need to, and listen to people and get to know them. You are new to the group, after all, and maybe many of them already know each other well. And you could give a comment now and again, but not deeply, if you don't feel it. Let empathy and caring develop as you get to know the members. Just let it happen. Don't push it, just be in the moment, and don't worry about whether you are connecting or not.

If you go to group for 6 months, and still feel nothing for the members, perhaps then re-evaluate.

[sidony]

Thanks sunrise.

You're totally right of course. I get way ahead of things. I just worry that I'm categorizing the group members the way I do my co-workers at work (I said this is another thread too, sorry), and those are people I never grow close to. Unless I interact with them one-on-one.

I guess I'm just afraid that after 6 months I'll still have no idea how to connect with anyone in that kind of setting. But you're right that I shouldn't worry about that yet. I don't know why I put such intense pressures on myself! I guess I just want to fix everything about myself immediately so that I can have some hope of getting into relationships (in real life) that work better for me. My love relationships always fall apart because there's too much distance between me and the other person. So now I want to have the ability to be more genuine and intimate with people, and of course I want it now. :-)

Sidony