[InRealLife45]

So, I feel like **** and got through last night by eating 4mg Xanax to sleep through my self destructive urges. This was after calling four hospitals over a 48 hour period trying to find a bed, and them all saying "sorry no adult female beds."

So finally I call a crisis house in Los Angeles who says sure we have a bed but not til our shrink clears you which isn't til tomorrow, so in the meantime well send a welfare check out to you. I told her no thanks bc there's no beds and nothing for them to do with me. She did it anyway so I grabbed my bag of overnight **** and took my mom to the store for snacks then to a movie (which I shall sleep through bc I'm still that ****ing hungover from Xanax).

My neighbor called saying the police and fire department had some serious **** your **** up tools trying to bash in my door to get inside to look around (I purposely left wooden door unlocked but screen was locked). Anyway they got in, found no dead body and questioned my neighbors who promptly called me to tattle on them.

Cops even called to see where I was. I ****ing hate cops. Their last welfare check resulted in them badly spraining two of my fingers, one of which I have yet to regain full feeling in, and my other hand shoots pins and needles when touched in certain areas. From them bending my fingers backwards as hard as they could bc apparently my legs weren't open wide enough for their search. **** my towns police up their *** and then some.

They should go help someone else who they don't feel the urge to laugh at or physically injure just bc they think mental illness is that ****ing funny.

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[kororain]

I'm sorry. I think if the police injured me in a permanent fashion, I would definitely sue. That's not ok.

[freefallin]

I don't understand why approaches to mental health have to be so damn dehumanizing. :/ It's flat out wrong. Someone should be able to say, "I'm feeling suicidal. I need help" without being treated like a terrorist.

[InRealLife45]

Well I evaded them this time. Turned off my phone bc I'm sure they're tracking it like last time.using random internet now. Maybe I'll sleep in my car tonight till they lose interest.

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[kororain]

I think its illegal for them to track your phone. There was a news story on that a couple of days ago. They have to have a warrant to track your phone and aprehend you that way.

[InRealLife45]

Oh no it's not illegal. They absolutely got a warrant and tracked my phone last time. Life in danger and all.

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[InRealLife45]

It wasn't exact just my neighborhood so they asked around if anyone knew ------ and helpful brats that they are the kids said yea sure she lives right there !!!

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[kororain]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

Oh no it's not illegal. They absolutely got a warrant and tracked my phone last time. Life in danger and all.

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Aaaahhhh I see. Yeah. I didn't realize they would go to the trouble of all that when you aren't a criminal or anything.

[InRealLife45]

I just don't see the POINT. I KNOW I need to be in the hospital a few days. Been trying to find a end since Wednesday. It's Saturday night and they're all "sorry full up" or "why don't you just go to ER?" The eR seriously doesn't give a **** and has no psych ward on premises and as long as I have no physical injuries will say. "You're not going to do anything tonight are you ?" Okay well, come back if you are going to do something tonight, bye." Bc they need beds for "real" emergencies. **** them all.

I'm tired of asking for help and being treated like I killed someone.

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[Depletion]

Can your T help arrange something for you? Have you been in touch with her?

[InRealLife45]

No I haven't spoken with her

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[Depletion]

I've never been hospitalized before so I don't know the procedure, but my old T I know helped one of her clients be admitted to the hospital. I know because I didn't get a message from her, and showed up and found out that she was having a crisis appointment. She told me that she was going with the client, and the family to the hospital (the client was a minor), and would be around for the rest of the day. I assume that she was some how involved in the admittance process. Maybe Hospitals are unfortunately more helpful if a T is there?

[InRealLife45]

Called another hospital who says they "might" have a bed. I think they hold their beds for hospital admissions not people intelligent enough to drive themselves in.

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[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Depletion

I've never been hospitalized before so I don't know the procedure, but my old T I know helped one of her clients be admitted to the hospital. I know because I didn't get a message from her, and showed up and found out that she was having a crisis appointment. She told me that she was going with the client, and the family to the hospital (the client was a minor), and would be around for the rest of the day. I assume that she was some how involved in the admittance process. Maybe Hospitals are unfortunately more helpful if a T is there?

Called and left my t a voicemail but I doubt she will respond. No contact on Sundays and all. I think I'm better off just take four more mg of Xanax and sleeping off the self harm/death urge. Something is really wrong and three days in the hospital isn't going to help. I don't know what will, actually. I am lost and want so badly to self injure.

One hospital told me to go to the ER or other mental health facility and I told her if I got that far it would be too late bc I'd have already slit my wrist open or overdosed and be headed to the morgue, so the psych ward was probably a better idea as my first stop. Stubborn assholes.

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[ScarletPimpernel]

You're near me...(I think, right?)
You can call the national suicide hotline and it will direct your call to the nearest crisis call center.
In San Diego, we can request the PERT team, who come with the police and are actual mental health professionals (maybe you have the same/similar?)
Here in San Diego, you cannot go to a crisis house if you're in that much danger. You have to minimum go through a 72 hour hold at the hospital. The crisis house is a transitional place once your stable.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope things get better soon

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I hope your t can get back to you. ♡

[AllyIsHopeful]

I'm sorry this happened. I can't believe all the hospitals would just dismiss you like that. You called around because you didn't feel safe, right? You thought you may do something to harm yourself? I don't understand why they would not offer any other advice besides sending someone to "check in" on you. They should have at least advised you to go to the ER because they will hold you and keep an eye on you until a bed is available.

Hope you're feeling better.

[iheartjacques]

I guess if it was me, I would just turn up at the hospital, and ask for help. Maybe it works differently there.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by AllyIsHopeful

I'm sorry this happened. I can't believe all the hospitals would just dismiss you like that. You called around because you didn't feel safe, right? You thought you may do something to harm yourself? I don't understand why they would not offer any other advice besides sending someone to "check in" on you. They should have at least advised you to go to the ER because they will hold you and keep an eye on you until a bed is available.

Hope you're feeling better.

No, they did all tell me to go to the ER. But going to the ER means sitting for hours (an entire day, once---and three days (illegally) in the psych ER of county) stripped naked in a hospital gown waiting for however long for a bed to open up wherever (maybe even COUNTY which is a shithole), and THEN waiting for an ambulance to transport me there, and all the while local PD is standing outside my "curtain room" babysitting me and *****ing loudly about how they have to waste their time watching one of the crazies etc etc.

It's happened before, repeatedly, especially if I require stitches before going to psych ward- then the attitudes are worse from both PD and medical personnel.

So unless I need to be stitched or stapled or get my stomach pumped, my first stop will not EVER be the ER. I drive myself directly to the hospital I'd wind up in anyway. It's faster for me, cheaper for everyone involved, and no stupid assed drs or rookie cops making me feel like **** bc I have a mental illness.

[musinglizzy]

So sorry your T hasn't gotten back to you. THis is, what I consider, a MAJOR EMERGENCY and waives the "no SUnday" rule.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

So sorry your T hasn't gotten back to you. THis is, what I consider, a MAJOR EMERGENCY and waives the "no SUnday" rule.

she just called a few minutes ago, says a local hospital told her i can go in for an assessment.

[ThisWayOut]

good luck. I hope you can get what you need form them.

[Perna]

Yes, I watched a TV show recently about DC police these days, since 9/11. Apparently Anacostia is the only "safe" place from them.

Glad your T is finally able to get you some help, maybe.

[InRealLife45]

They said "assessment" not "bed." So I need to be evaluated and they can still decide I don't need to be there. ::shrug:: I don't feel like killing myself at this very moment in time. They won't keep me unless I say I'm going to kill myself today or the near future. Rather go back to sleep and wait for session tomorrow. What's one more day?

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[Depletion]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

They said "assessment" not "bed." So I need to be evaluated and they can still decide I don't need to be there. ::shrug:: I don't feel like killing myself at this very moment in time. They won't keep me unless I say I'm going to kill myself today or the near future. Rather go back to sleep and wait for session tomorrow. What's one more day?

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Have you talked it over with T? Does she think you should go? It seems from your posting that you've been having these kinds of feelings a lot. Maybe you can go and tell them what's been going on. I don't know everything that's going on with you, but based on some of your recent posting here I worry that you could start to feel this way again. I wonder if the assessment might also help your T?