[GingerbreadWoman]

Anyone else feel this way about discussing things with a male T?

I stopped seeing females because it felt like they were a little too focused on being empathetic and not at all focused on problem solving. I know these are gender stereotypes, but they happened to ring true in my experiences. All my female Ts ever wanted to do was talk about how I felt. I sought a male who has been better for me, but the downside is I feel like a male would be more judgmental of over emotionalism. I hate crying in front of guys because I feel like they're thinking, "Ugh. Women and their crying." I started tearing up last appointment, and he leaned closer and said, "It seems like this is really bothering you." I was thinking, "Ugh. Shut up. You weren't supposed to notice. I know you're thinking I'm a pathetic and melodramatic girl now." I haven't told him that part of the reason I'm so scared to go out into the real world is that I cry like 3 times a day, which makes being in public a problem. I think he would think, "Wow. How ridiculous."

[HazelGirl]

It sounds like you may have grown up in a situation where your emotions were not valued. You were uncomfortable with female T's because they did value your emotions. And are now uncomfortable with male T's because you're afraid they won't. It's a lose-lose if you keep allowing your past to dictate how you interact with people.

[ThisWayOut]

I think, despite stereotypes, male t's are generally find with emotion and not have a negative reaction to it. They are t's for a reason, and deal with All kinds of emotions daily. (Hugs)

[GingerbreadWoman]

I wasn't uncomfortable with females because they valued my emotions. It's just that it seemed like that's all they did.

[growlycat]

I prefer male T's too but I like their balance of problem-solving with caring.
Talk to your T about discomfort with emotions--I'm sure he can guide you through it.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by GingerbreadWoman

I wasn't uncomfortable with females because they valued my emotions. It's just that it seemed like that's all they did.

Yeah, I get this. I felt judged by my previous (female) T because of my reluctance to be emotional. She put me under a lot of pressure to open up with my emotions but it had the effect of shutting me down even more. It is harder to discuss some things with a male T, but I find him to be more accepting of who I am. I know it's just my issues speaking, but I usually feel like other women expect me to be like them and they don't get why I'm not.
Your T is not going to be disrespectful of your emotions, but he may well be more patient with you than a female T would.

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[GingerbreadWoman]

Originally Posted by JustShakey

Yeah, I get this. I felt judged by my previous (female) T because of my reluctance to be emotional. She put me under a lot of pressure to open up with my emotions but it had the effect of shutting me down even more. It is harder to discuss some things with a male T, but I find him to be more accepting of who I am. I know it's just my issues speaking, but I usually feel like other women expect me to be like them and they don't get why I'm not.
Your T is not going to be disrespectful of your emotions, but he may well be more patient with you than a female T would.

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I can't stand when people try to make me feel like I'm supposed to feel a certain way in a particular circumstance. It just makes me shut down as well. Like if someone tells me that only people without hearts don't cry during a certain movie, I probably won't get emotional during it because of the pressure to be emotional or be judged haha.

Anyway, yes, that is basically how I feel too. Males seem to be better for most of my needs, but there are some things that are really uncomfortable to discuss with a male too. So basically, I need both lol. I know what you mean about feeling like females expect you to become like them. My last female therapist was always trying to convince me to pursue certain career paths, and my male therapist is more like, "What do YOU want to do?"

Originally Posted by GingerbreadWoman

Anyone else feel this way about discussing things with a male T?

I stopped seeing females because it felt like they were a little too focused on being empathetic and not at all focused on problem solving. I know these are gender stereotypes, but they happened to ring true in my experiences. All my female Ts ever wanted to do was talk about how I felt.

My experiences are to some extent the opposite: I feel uncomfortable talking about emotions regardless of whom I am talking to, but with a female the discomfort is such that it becomes impossible. And neither of the female Ts I have seen have displayed much interest in finding out the root of that. My current, male T on the other hand does ask me about my feelings - but not to the exclusion of other things. In any case, I can talk about emotions with him, and that's in part because he is male. I don't think either your experiences or mine are unusual.

[Petra5ed]

Yes, I do very much. In my case it's very hard for me to cry in front of a man. I ended up choosing a male therapist for kind of the same reasons, I saw a female T and just cried for all of every session and left feeling like an out of control depressed emotional vomiting wound. It took me a long time to be able to cry in front of my male therapist, and I like that our sessions aren't all me in tears lamenting my life! I've still never broken down to the extent I did with the female T on day one, but I have gotten more comfortable over time.

Growing up I was taught that women were weak, emotional, stupid, irrational, childlike, liabilities. I was raised to be ashamed of any weakness I showed and I never acted much in feminine ways despite being very much a girl as my therapist points out. I think this plays into how I am today.

[NowhereUSA]

i don't feel comfortable with female t's because, well i'll be honest, my mother. my mother caused a lot of my emotional issues and i have issues with women in general. i can't stand women's groups, women's get-togethers. i've always been the one to have male friends and hang around the guys. i will need extra therapy if i ever have a daughter, but so far, all boys *phew*.

for me, i actually find it easier to talk about my emotions with my male t because he's matter of fact. he *cares* but he doesn't... oh what am i trying to describe? the female t's i've been around or worked with in some capacity have a tendency to be *feely* like they're trying to connect to me through my emotions and i feel manipulated (mother issues). with my t, i can express what i'm feeling and i feel like he connects to me intellectually.

not saying female ts can't or don't. this has just been my experience and admittedly i have hang ups because of my mother.

that said, i do pretend in my head that my t doesn't really care (which is hilarious because he has repeatedly told me he does and he really likes me as a client). he rolls his eyes when i tell him that i imagine him ignoring my rambly emotional emails LOL (this is the kind of reaction i like - it make me feel like he hears me but also isn't adding weights to my emotions. it works for me and that's hard to explain). so i kind of understand the feeling of wanting him to judge you? maybe?

[Perna]

It sounds like you are not comfortable discussing emotions in front of a female or male T? That you moved away from female T's because they seemed emotion-based, now you have a male one you are afraid is judging you too. You cannot get away from yourself and your emotions, they are part of you and very necessary for your health and well-being and can help you if you let them.

Were I you with your focus on "problem-solving", I would make myself a journal so you can track your crying, what the "subject" seems to be each time, how often, etc. Then, when you are ready to discuss it you will have hard evidence of what happens, how it is triggered, etc., a "scientific" study if you will :-) It might feel a bit safer to discuss because it will be about crying in the "past" (even if the more immediate past of "yesterday") and in general, maybe you can see a trend in when/why you cry, etc. But discussing it as a project instead of part of you might make it easier to approach?

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

i don't feel comfortable with female t's because, well i'll be honest, my mother. my mother caused a lot of my emotional issues and i have issues with women in general. i can't stand women's groups, women's get-togethers. i've always been the one to have male friends and hang around the guys. i will need extra therapy if i ever have a daughter, but so far, all boys *phew*.

for me, i actually find it easier to talk about my emotions with my male t because he's matter of fact. he *cares* but he doesn't... oh what am i trying to describe? the female t's i've been around or worked with in some capacity have a tendency to be *feely* like they're trying to connect to me through my emotions and i feel manipulated (mother issues). with my t, i can express what i'm feeling and i feel like he connects to me intellectually.

not saying female ts can't or don't. this has just been my experience and admittedly i have hang ups because of my mother.

that said, i do pretend in my head that my t doesn't really care (which is hilarious because he has repeatedly told me he does and he really likes me as a client). he rolls his eyes when i tell him that i imagine him ignoring my rambly emotional emails LOL (this is the kind of reaction i like - it make me feel like he hears me but also isn't adding weights to my emotions. it works for me and that's hard to explain). so i kind of understand the feeling of wanting him to judge you? maybe?

Nowhere, you sound an awful lot like me here. I'm uncomfortable with women's groups too and I get jealous of the easy camaraderie between men (it hurts when a nameless neighbor will greet my H bro-style and just nod politely at me). And yeah, I felt manipulated by previous T and utterly lost because I had no idea what she wanted me to *do*.
I don't know about needing more therapy if you have a daughter though. I feel like my daughter is teaching me how to be a girl and how to enjoy being a girl. I told T that sometimes I feel like I'm growing up alongside her

I can't stand all-female groups. I feel completely lost and like an outsider. There are many reasons why I am grateful that I'm not a parent, and this is one of them.