Until next week...

I had a session yesterday, and I guess I had what would be considered a breakthrough, because new memories surfaced and she was able to help me work through them. But since leaving there, I've just felt so heavy and upset. I've carried memories from my childhood abuser, emotional abuser, my rapist, etc. around for so long that I just hide them away, and if you met me or were friends with me you'd never know. No one knows of my experiences besides me and my T, and she often comments on my resiliency and mental strength. But today and yesterday, I felt that resolve breaking. I guess having her as my only support system isn't the best scenario, and I don't know how to keep myself from becoming depressed or upset until next week. I've never felt so tired or heavy or sad about my past until now, and it kind of surprised me. I was just wondering if anyone has skills that they've learned that might help keep me from despair when I'm not in my T's office, because I still need to function and go to school. She told me I need to 'sit with' my feelings, but I just end up feeling alone. I'm not sure how to deal with these thoughts/feelings, and though I plan on bringing this up next session, right now it seems so far away.

Well, your feelings are normal considering what you have been through. Part of therapy is just accepting them. If you try to fight them, they get worse, but if you just accept them as they are, they can be worked through and then they will pass.

I struggle with this too after intense sessions. Just hearing from my t that there is a place to hold those feelings now instead of trying to make them go away made a huge difference to me. Are you able to call or email in between sessions? I think that helps a lot too.

That's a hard place to be. I went thru a similar time a couple of years ago. The only things that would help me during that time were letting out feelings thru painting - not to make art work but covering the paper with lots of black and red color and shapes that seem to help me let out some of the pain. Also, trying to distract myself as best as possible. Sitting with it is a good thing when it can be managed but the pain felt excruciating at times and the wait to see t again too long. I don't feel like she helped me develop any coping skills for managing with it on my own which is what you end up doing every time you walk out that door. I was allowed to email t and that helped, too. I'm sorry you're going thru it.

I have to keep reminding myself that I am not in that world anymore. I am safe. No one will hurt me. I remind myself what day and year it is and keep telling myself that is not my world anymore. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes it doesn't. Slogging through this stuff sucks. I am sorry you are having to go through this.

My T used to say the same thing to me all the time. I hated it. I always questioned: "Why do you want me to sit longer with my feelings than I have to? I do it anyways and emotionally torture myself in the process." She finally stopped saying it.

But... technically, she still has me sit with my feelings. I'm just not literally sitting with them. I have a list of coping skills to go through. I have to go through all of them before I can reach out to my T.

At first, it was difficult (and sometimes it's still difficult). It's easier to go to my T and have her comfort me than trying to comfort myself. But since she informed me that I'm supposed to be using the coping skills even when not in a crisis, using them in a crisis becomes easier; more familiar.

If you don't have a list of coping skills that you know work for you, start making a list and try them out. It doesn't have to be in a crisis. If it makes you feel better when you're not in a crisis, then it should make you feel better when you are struggling.

Hi there,
Holy smokes, it sounds like you and I are going through the exact same thing right now. Hugs to you. You pretty much described how I feel as well. I wouldn't say that I'm unhealthily attached to my t or anything, but during hard weeks (like the last few) I really just can't wait for my appointment. I feel like I just need to keep talking about as it builds up every day. I think what I've learned this far (not to say I like it) is the goal is really just to learn to tolerate feeling this way while were in the process of working through all of this heavy ****. Exactly what you said about "sitting with the feelings." I know it can be super hard to function, anything but being in bed can seem to hard for me. I think sometimes we kinda just have to be okay with that as long as it's not ruining our lives or going on for a really extensive period of time.
Obviously not a professional opinion, but just what I'm feeling about the same situation.
Good luck.